Narcissists are so good at molding your emotions how they see fit. If they want you to feel one thing, they will manipulate you until you get there.
Job success!
Well, it’s not the narcissist’s job to make you feel anything. In fact, it’s not their job to even try.
When it comes to not feeling good enough, this is where their expertise lies. They can do it at the snap of your fingers.
And you? Well, you feel eroded and completely violated, as you should (according to them).
What if you knew why they did this? What if you got the upper hand, here?
Well – it’s your lucky day!
Opinions Aren’t Facts
I don’t want to have to give you endless advice on this – but it’s true.
Opinions aren’t facts. If you have been taught that you aren’t good enough – you’re only going to point your finger at one type of person who is responsible for how you currently feel about yourself.
The narcissist.
Their opinions, or how they’ve acted toward you have given you the underlying impression that nothing you do is good enough.
In reality, they purposely make out as if you constantly make mistakes. Nothing you do is good enough. Nothing you say is good enough.
They will absolutely not hesitate to tell you so either. Any excuse to chip away your confidence that little bit more.
9 Reasons Why YOU Believe You Aren’t Good Enough – Because of the Narcissist!
Believing that you aren’t good enough never comes from you personally. It’s always going to be triggered by something the narcissist says or does.
The rest is left to your insecure imagination to conjure up – and it never bodes well for you in the long run.
#1 Well – They Tell You
Like I said – narcissists won’t care about being this honest and abrupt with you.
That honesty though – is only theirs to bear. They feel they’re doing you a favor by letting you know you aren’t good enough so you can continue to try your best to make it up to them however you can.
But that’s not how it works, is it?
You shouldn’t really have to be living off their wishes or requests, just to make them inevitably still unhappy.
Being told you’re not good enough enough times, will make you end up believing it! You could have all the talent in the world for something. You could be the kindest, most loving and loyal person in town – none of those things will matter.
Because those things will be cruelly erased by the narcissist and replaced with the belief that you are just a shell of a person, with nothing to offer anybody.
#2 They Love to Compare You
Nobody in a loving relationship should be actively comparing their spouse to somebody else.
If only you were more like Tom, he is kind and caring and treats his wife with respect.
Why can’t you be more fun like Anna? She’s always up for going on an adventure, and you’re so boring.
And what does this do to you?
It’s not going to do anything good, that’s for sure.
Narcissists can be plain old mean when they start to compare, and all that does in turn is make you feel like you’re constantly being measured up against somebody else.
Somebody better.
#3 You’re Gaslighted
Not only can you not feel good enough, but your version of reality can feel the same, too. Your opinions are never validated or believed. You’re mocked for thinking a certain way, and you just keep getting knocked back when you voice a belief.
Gaslighting will confuse you, and make you feel totally lost within yourself. It’s a way for the narcissist to exert control over you, but it also proves how not good enough you are to them.
#4 You Only Get Their Attention When They Feel Like It
Attention is conditional – and it will only come to you when the narcissist feels like dishing it.
Don’t get me wrong, nobody should be going out demanding attention. The kind of attention I mean are the small, minute gestures that glue a relationship together.
A compliment.
A hug.
A gesture of appreciation.
Making you a coffee if you feel under the weather.
Asking you how you are and wanting to hear about your day.
It’s how we feel valued by the person we choose to be with. Without those small things – it’s easy for somebody to not feel good enough.
#5 They Refuse to Listen To You
When you have something on your mind, it’s natural to want to speak up about it, or ask for advice. Sometimes it’s just nice to be heard.
When that’s not possible, it can make people feel invisible.
You speak, and nobody is listening. In fact, the narcissist goes beyond listening, and holds their hands up.
I haven’t got time to listen to you!
Right… okay…
Well – that’s a definite cause to feel not good enough.
#6 “Nobody Will Ever Love You Like I Do”
The narcissist thinks it’s a compliment, but they also know it comes with a slight threat that you will end up alone without them.
They love you so much – yet it’s impossible for anybody else to have feelings of affection of any kind for you.
Excuse me?
“So, I’m lovable, but only to you?”
Incorrect.
#7 They Resent You – and Your Interests
Anything you like will be put down or scoffed at.
How can you like that show?
Why do you love going there so much? It’s terrible!
Why are you always so happy? It’s infuriating.
I mean – I could go on forever – and you get the idea.
Nothing you like or or, or anything about you, is good enough.
#8 They Can Cheat On You
Not all narcissists cheat the same way, but they pretty much all cheat in some way.
Whether it’s flirting while on a night out without you, texting an ex, speaking to strangers online, or directly cheating – they will find a way.
And as they find that way to fill the various voids in their life – each one will make you feel as though you didn’t have what they went out looking for.
#9 They Project Feelings of Inadequacy Onto Others
If a narcissist is making you feel like you aren’t good enough – it’s because they’re trying to rid themselves of a feeling they already have within themselves.
It’s strange to think about, right? A narcissist of all people, knowing how much they hate themselves and how much they wish they could be anybody else.
And suddenly there you are, taking on all their inadequacies for yourself.
When in truth – they aren’t your burdens to carry.
