I know it can be frightening to deal with a narcissist.
If you are particularly close to one, sometimes it can be downright confusing to know how to act around them, especially when they try to convince you that you’re the narcissist.
That’s why you have to look inward. Asking yourself certain questions can provoke truths that you will want to hear, and certainly ones that you need to hear.
If you’re ready to step in, I am more than ready to help you through these 9 questions you should ask yourself if you’re afraid you’re the narcissist.
#1 “Do I care about others?”
A big one to start with, isn’t it?!
The fundamental checklist to determine whether or not you are a narcissist must begin with the biggest question of all…
Do I care about others?
Without the care and concern for another person, your ego speaks volumes. Where is your empathy? Do you have time for the tears of a person you love?
If the answer is a resounding yes, then I would firmly park the idea that you may be a narcissist, and walk away from it for the last time.
Noticing the struggle of another shows you are aware and unselfish. Those are traits that also mean your level of narcissism is zero.
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#2 “Am I a good listener?”
When you listen to somebody else, you aren’t waiting to talk.
When you listen, you’re present. TYou are naturally curious with what the other person is saying, and you are open to their thoughts, opinions and experience.
Do you find yourself interrupting them regularly? Do you circle the conversation back to you?
These are the kinds of patterns you need to be looking out for, because narcissists will not tolerate long conversations with others if it doesn’t benefit them in some way.
To have patience and understanding through how you converse will prove that you are in no way near to being narcissistic.
#3 “Do I love to help others without asking for anything in return?”
To help another feels good, but that isn’t because you’re taking notes and making sure they pay you back at a later date.
You help because you care. There’s no worry about it building up your image, and you don’t need an audience in order to make a difference.
You do it quietly, because you have a genuine care for what you’re doing. You’re generous, but you don’t think about it as generosity.
These are for all the right reasons, and reasons that you don’t have to consider narcissism to be a part of.
#4 “Am I an affectionate person?”
There is no performance in affection. You are that kind of person because you love to feel warmth between you and another.
You find it comforting, and enjoy the emotional presence and connection that exists when you are openly affectionate.
Equally, you need to be looking at how others receive that affection. Are they warm to it? Do they feel safe opening up to you?
Do you offer a level of closeness without controlling it entirely? That’s great!
Narcissists will steal back their affection when it no longer serve a purpose, but to be constant and mutual in how you treat others shows that you are an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist.
#5 “Do I shy away from accountability?”
Let;s take a moment to talk about how much this point matters. Without accountability, you cannot be a person who reflects on their behavior, or how they treat others.
You can’t look honestly at your life and the aura you carry with you. With accountability, you can offer a sense of apology to those you hurt.
You ask for forgiveness because you want peace, not a favor.
There’s no blame, you don’t minimize what happened, and you don’t feel uncomfortable holding your hands up and saying you were at fault.
Accountability isn’t heavy to you, it’s necessary.
That is a sure sign that narcissism doesn’t run in your blood.
#6 “Do I apologize and mean it?”
A real apology doesn’t start with, “I’m sorry, but…”
Real apologies are weighted in what you regret doing or saying, and they also contain the promise that it won’t happen again.
They are careful in how they present, because you care about how the other person is feeling.
Remorse is the biggest indication that you aren’t a narcissist, because narcissists don’t know the meaning of the word.
Remorse threatens their ego, so they avoid apologies altogether. If they do say they’re sorry, it will be for how you feel, rather than what they did that was so wrong.
These are not apologies, people!
Knowing the difference will save you a lifetime of pain, but recognizing that if you are open to apologizing, you are not a narcissist .
#7 “Do I cheat, and enjoy cheating?”
Lack of empathy, and the running tap of entitlement equates to a person who is okay with cheating, and who feels good about knowing they are creeping around behind an honest and loyal person’s back.
The disregard of their feelings means you lack the awareness that you’re doing anything wrong at all.
If you think the idea of hurting another in that way is one that bothers you greatly, then you steer very clear of acting out cheating at all.
You have strong morals, and you stick to them.
That is not narcissistic in the slightest.
#8 “Do I need to be the center of attention?”
Listen, we all know how much narcissists love to be the center of attention, so if that sounds like you, then maybe you need to have a little word with yourself.
If you can’t walk into a room without commanding it, then yes, you are likely to possess narcissistic tendencies.
Celebrating others without feeling intimidated. Sit in the background without resenting the people who are stage center – that is how normal people are okay with living.
If your self-worth isn’t built on how others make you feel, then you are stable.
Your emotions are in balance, and that is something a narcissist would never be able to honestly say about themselves.
#9 “Who am I?”
The main question that I want to leave you with:
Who am I?
This matters the most because you are looking at yourself as a whole. You are focusing on your strengths and weaknesses, your patterns ,your fears.
You are examining who you are with an honest mind and heart, and that’s something you’ll never catch a narcissist dream of doing.
You’re curious, and you want to see where your faults are so you can either accept them, or work on them. The main thing is that you do notice, and you do strive to be better in general.
You work on your fears, and you admit when you feel insecure about a situation.
The obsession with perfection isn’t something you are striving to fight for, because you’re aware that perfection doesn’t exist.
That’s real growth, and that is how a person can differentiate between their own character, and that of a narcissist.
