If a narcissist could write a list of priorities down on a piece of paper, I’m sorry to say that you wouldn’t make the cut.
I know, I know. It sounds so mean. You’re right. It is mean, but that’s not my fault.
All I’m doing is making you aware that the narcissist has priorities, 9 in fact, and you aren’t even close to being any of them.
As for those 9 priorities, let’s take a closer look at what they are, and what they mean.
#1 Their image
The image of a narcissist is probably the most important part of them.
Without it, they don’t really have anything else to work on or keep pushing out into the world.
Everything begins with how they look, so it’s a really big foundation to need to have.
That’s why it made this list, and that’s why it’s top of that list. Narcissists are obsessed with their image.
If you come along and try to destroy it, then you are going to be in for a world of pain.
The image has to be perfect to make up for the fact that they really are just in over their heads (not that they will ever admit that).
Carving out the perfect persona means they get to show off this fake version of themselves, in the hope people will see them as untouchable.
#2 Their narrative
If a narcissist can get their narrative down and locked in, then nothing else can come close to breaking it.
It’s the thing they always stick to, even when they’re being accused of something they did do.
Their version of events has to be packaged and sold to the point where they come out shining at the end of it.
That didn’t happen!
I can’t remember even saying that.
You’re so sensitive, why are you always trying to get at me?
Any little thing that plays into their narrative will be brought up, and you just have to deal with it. That’s why it is such a big priority to them.
#3 Money
Without money, you are nothing in the eyes of a narcissist.
Money is what makes the world go round, and there’s no way you can possibly live anywhere near the life you want without a wad of dollars in your pocket, and even more in the bank.
Money is where your image lies. It’s where they go from ‘just like everybody else’ to ‘oh wow, you are incredible.’
The car you drive, the house you live in, the job you have, the clothes you wear, the vacations you go on all matter.
They are what the narcissist works hard to carve out in order to be taken seriously, and in order to be better than everybody else.
It’s a shame they aren’t tempted to be a kind, compassionate character instead.
#4 Their reputation
Ah yes, the good old reputation. It is paramount for a narcissist’s reputation to be good.
They will help out in their community if it means people will look at them and say, “Aren’t you just amazing for helping?”
The same goes for what you say about them, too. If they are seen as the abusers they really are, your punishment will be heavy and prolonged.
Never rattle their reputation unless you want to feel their abusive wrath. They won’t hesitate to drop you if it means their reputation improves.
#5 Always being (or appearing to be) right
Narcissists have to be right all of the time, otherwise life just isn’t even worth living.
Even if you are right and you know it, they will try to convince you that you’re wrong.
What they say, goes. What they demand, needs to be given. What they do is the right way.
You will never be able to get them to hold their hands up and admit they were wrong, it’s just never going to happen.
Anything less than right 100% of the time will break their image, hence why it is always something they work on.
#6 Wanting sympathy
Sympathy should come at the right time, and for the right reasons, I think we can all agree.
But what if the narcissist you knew constantly searched for it? They want it, they want to own it, they need it.
Having sympathy makes the narcissist look like the victim in something they likely set up themselves, and that’s just not fair to me.
Having somebody pat them on their back and tell them how sorry they are and that everything it going to be okay just makes my skin crawl, but narcissists always ensure they can grasp in from somebody in the dynamic.
It is their propriety to make sure they surround themselves with the right kind of person to give them that.
#7 Making you look foolish
You’d think this would be a pretty dark priority, so it wouldn’t even be possible, right?
You’re wrong.
Making you look foolish is something the narcissist loves to know they can do.
If you slip up, or say something they can twist to make you look bad, they will absolutely not hesitate to do that.
Why?
Because if you look foolish, people are laughing at you and not the narcissist.
They’d rather see you fall into the pot of shame than them, and that’s where they find you have your most use.
#8 Stealing your supply
When you hear of the word supply, I want you to dig deep and think about what that means.
In your experience with the narcissist, your supply being taken from you might look like:
- The way they mock you when you are happy
- When they tell you to calm down after receiving good news
- Watching you react emotionally to something they said or did
- Seeing you turn down opportunities because you don’t feel confident enough
- Seeing you try to please them even though they already decided you won’t be able to
All these little ways to get you to jump hoops for them is enough to give them a sense of pride in how they are able to control and manipulate you.
Your supply is perfect for them, and they will make sure stealing it is a priority.
Now you know, it’s up to you to make it harder and harder for them to do with each passing day.
#9 Wanting control
Everything is always about control when it comes to narcissism.
Narcissists can’t breathe unless they know they’ve got a grip on every situation possible, and that includes you, how you act, even down to how you feel each particular day.
Their priority is to shape the people around them to suit their own needs.
They are ruthless in how they do this, pushing buttons, playing the victim, using the ‘I don’t feel well’ card, or triangulating people who previously had a good connection just to see some drama and break potential alliances.
While your priority is to make them happy, theirs is to push you to your limit, and never in a good way.
The moment you take back that control is the moment you lose them for good, and that’s why so many victims are willing to let them be in charge.
