Wait for a narcissist to take any kind of blame and you will be waiting a long time.
Instead, you’re going to be the bad guy. They already decided that a long time ago, and that’s probably why you’re in their life.
You’re the scapegoat.
So when the shit hits the fan, the narcissist is already ready to point the finger at you.
Here are the nine things they say to direct it your way.
Frustrating? YES!
It’s never fun to be blamed for something you didn’t do, but at least if you were to blame, you’d hold your hands up and take it.
It’s how we learn. We can make mistakes that catapult us into a new chapter of our lives. We reflect and we ask for forgiveness.
We admit that we’re not human – because we are!
Don’t expect a narcissist to have that kind of attitude though, because they will never be blamed.
They will always avoid it.
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Let;s look deeper into how.
#1 “I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”
Narcissists conventantly never know what you’re talking about unless they want to use what you’re saying against you.
When it boils down to it, they will deny you of your reality by shutting your blame down, and turning it into a ‘you’ problem.
This is where you will often find yourself swimming against the tide as you feel their wrath fire back at you in such a covert way.
And yes, this is true gaslighting.
#2 “I Think You Need to Listen To Yourself For a Moment”
If a narcissist can convince you that you are saying ridiculous things, they will.
In the middle of an argument, you might find them requesting that you reflect on what you’re saying, as if there is something terribly incorrect about it.
So naturally, you do. And you will. As you do, you will find what isn’t there, and that blame shift will occur.
Don’t ever let them have that kind of authority over your thoughts.
You are blaming them for a reason.
#3 “You Sound Hysterical”
Do you? Well, they will certainly convince you that you do. That’s where you’ll be shut down, and it will become about your hysterical behavior (that doesn’t exist) rather than what you’re blaming them for in the first place.
See how they move and shift, and take you with them?
And by the way, can I add here that you don’t sound hysterical. They’re trying to make you sound crazy so you tone it down and even silence yourself.
Narcissists love a silent victim.
Don’t be that person, and don’t take the blame for daring to have a voice.
#4 “Why Do You Always Point The Finger At Me?”
Commonly, narcissists will act as though the problem is with you trying to cause trouble (blame them), rather than focus on what it is you’re actually blaming them for.
It could be that they did something very hurtful, but if you’re calling them out, they will make that the issue, swerving your words as a result.
Nothing is more sickening.
#5 “Like You’re Perfect!”
The one time you develop the courage to blame them and refuse to hold it yourself will be the time they recall the one time you made a mistake in the past.
It’s never forgotten, because it’s truly all the narcissist has to go by.
Narcissists do this a lot because they want to remind you that you aren’t perfect constantly.
If you’re taking me down, I am taking you with me!
When you are reminded, it pushes a level of guilt and shame onto you. Can you recall a time this has happened?
It’s not pleasant for the people who do, because what happens is they find themselves apologizing.
You don’t need to. You’ve done your time, and you showed remorse.
Now the focus is on the narcissist, and they’re doing very little to offer the same level of self-reflection back at you.
This speaks volumes.
#6 “You’re Obsessed With Blaming Everybody Else”
Comments like this make victims reflect on the past. And they will usually see a distorted version of this as they think of similar times they’ve blamed another person for something.
Suddenly all those times will add up and make the victim feel the narcissist is correct.
Oh my goodness. I do blame other people a lot.
Am I obsessed?
I must be!
What must people think of me!
I am always pointing the finger.
I need to go less hard on people.
It’s not fair.
Why do I do it?
Is it me?
Am I the problem?
You see what happened there?
In a short space of time, the victim had an entire conversation with themselves, and discovered the narcissist was right – they are obsessed!
And for the narcissist? Perfect! Job done!
#7 “It’s Your Fault”
There it is, simple as day.
Your fault.
Really? Did you make them do it? Did you lead them to the waters of immorality? No, you didn’t. But this is just probably the most childish way of getting out of any blame.
You’ll do. You’re there. You take the hit, and leave the narcissist out of it.
It’s a moment I like to use to remind you of who you’re actually dealing with. You think these people love and care about you, but they don’t.
Narcissists would rather drop you like a hot potato into the fire pit of blame than deal with any blame themselves.
Do you know what that says about them? It says how toxic they are.
#8 “It’s Because You Did This…”
Okay. So you did X which automatically gave them permission to do Y and Z.
Got it.
Make it make sense, Alexander!
I’ll give it a go.
You led the narcissist into the wrong. Do you see how in literally any other moment of living life with a narcissist, they love to take the lead.
The moment they’re up for blame, they will shy away from that lead and tell you that it was all you.
Come on.
Don’t buy it.
#9 “I Don’t Feel Well, And You’re Making It Worse”
Oh, did you catch the narcissist at a bad time? Surely they just must feel so unwell that you can’t keep blaming them.
It’s hardly fair to put an unwell person on the stand for their moral crime, when you could be quiet and allowing them to rest and forget about-
Oh.
I see what they did there.
Well done for managing to escape the blame by pretending you’re too unwell to defend yourself.
Classic narc move!
