Ring, ring!

Who’s there?…

…Hello?

…Hello?

Oh, I see. It’s the narcissist, up to their next trick again.

Being on the other end of the line means nothing when it comes to frustrating, controlling, manipulating or demanding your time.

Phones are used like pawns in their game – and they absolutely love using and abusing them.

Narcissists are so weird with their phones, but let’s dive into what that means for you.

Infuriating? Check!

As if I need to remind you how infuriating narcissists are. That’s without phones or using them to make calls. 

Narcissists are so weird when it comes to phones because they take full advantage of how phones work, and who can hear them whilst they’re in use. 

Narcissists and Their Phones: Let’s Talk Generally

When you see a narcissist with their phone, it can go way beyond texting or scrolling. The call feature is one they love the most because they can be overt about who they’re talking to, and how they’re talking to them. 

Let’s get deeper into that…

8 Weird Phone Habits of a Narcissist

#1 They Leave The Room For Every Conversation…

Do you ever notice how narcissists sneak off when they get a call? They like to sit somewhere within your eyesight or out of it. 

Sometimes gone for an hour or more, they adore the idea of an exclusive call from somebody ‘very important.’ 

As they talk, you wonder who it is or what could be so enthralling that it takes so long and such privacy.

Upon return, they will give you the bare minimum of the person on the other end, what they wanted or even how it ended.

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But boy, do they want you to ask. They love you enquiring and want snippets of information.

Because of this, they feel the call holds a lot of power or gravitas, and they enjoy watching you not know something they know.

It gives them some kind of sick, warped upper hand that you didn’t even mean to give them. 

#2 … Unless It’s One They Want Everyone To Hear

Ah, yes! The loud, ‘look at me!’ phone call they want you to see, hear and almost be a part of without actually doing any talking. 

Narcissists love to look important. If somebody phones them, usually for work-related reasons, they won’t hesitate to draw attention to every word they speak.

Oh, yes! The documents! I will email them out first thing Monday.

What a contract! I cannot believe how much money this will bring in!

I am thrilled to be working with you. I’ve heard such great things!

It’s enough to make you want to roll your eyes, isn’t it?

They do it because they can. They do it because (they think) it creates a wow factor. This ‘rich and successful’ aura shines bright when they talk business in front of anybody willing to listen.

In reality – most people actually don’t even have a choice. They’re talking so loudly and rudely that everybody within a half-mile radius picks up on every word. 

#3 They Won’t Hesitate in Rejecting Or Ignoring Your Call

If they see your name flash up on their screen, they won’t even think twice about swiping to reject, or just letting it ring to voicemail.

I can recall a client several years ago who saw her narcissistic father in a town cafe.

She stood at the window and called his phone. It was on the table at the time, and he picked it up to see who it was before placing it back down to get back to his newspaper. 

His own daughter.

What was the reason? 

There was none.

He simply did not want to engage in conversation with her. It wasn’t uncommon for him, giving very little time to her in general. 

But it hurt all the same. 

If it doesn’t matter at that moment, you aren’t worth the ‘hello.’

That doesn’t mean you aren’t worth it in general – but that’s how toxic acts make people feel – I get that. 

#4 Always Busy… 

When you call a narcissist, you’re going to notice one thing: 

How busy they always are.

Oh, they’ve barely got time to even talk with you – you’re practically a pain!

Narcissists love to keep themselves busy. They want to look as though something exciting is continually in the pipeline. Their lives are much better than yours, and whatever it is they’re a part of, they’re in demand!

Now I want to express something here, because you need the truth.

Narcissists aren’t always busy. 

There. I said it.

They tell you that they aren’t sitting around waiting for something to do, or scrolling social media. 

Reality time?

They probably are.

#5 They Love to Withhold Just To See If You Will Answer

There is a strange trick narcissists like to do, and that’s purposely withholding their number when making a call. 

It’s sneaky because they may try and call you and not get a reply because you’re genuinely busy. After ten minutes, you may be available again, and as they call on a private number, you answer.

Oh, I see. So you answer when you don’t think it’s me…

Anything for a little bit of drama. 

That’s how they work, and that’s how they create conflict that needn’t be there.

And yes. It’s plain old weird. 

#6 They Often Hang Up On You – Technological Drama!

The hangup button is a powerful tool for ending a conversation. It’s not necessary to walk away or storm off; it’s just a simple click. 

And it can be so effective.

I’d be lying if I said I’d never hung up on somebody in a moment of frustration, but narcissists love to regularly launch their finger at it and cause the person on the other end stress or anxiety. 

For the narcissist, phones are perfect. They are reminders that control is literally a little press of a screen away, and boy do they utilize it. 

#7 Talk, Talk, Talk

You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you?

You get into a conversation with a narcissist, only it’s not a conversation.

It’s fully one-sided. 

They talk, you listen.

They talk, you zone out.

They talk, and talk, and talk.

Nothing is about you. It’s all about you.

It’s the same in person as it is on the phone, but it feels so much weirder having to consciously and physically hold a phone to your ear and not even get half a chance to say a word. 

#8 When You’re Busy – Oh Boy…

The only time a narcissist loves to keep calling and calling is when they know you’re busy.

If your attention is somewhere else for a little while, their ego cannot let that go.

They have to be involved in your life, and if you are elsewhere, they will invite themselves by continuously and relentlessly calling until you give in and answer. 

10 Things Narcissism is, and What it’s Not!

Don’t you just love the phrase, ‘It is what it is’ ?

It covers almost every eventuality and allows people to just say, “There’s nothing you can do about it.”

There’s nothing you can do about narcissism, either.

A person is narcissistic or not, and sometimes, that can get a little muddled.

Today, I want to talk about that very thing…

What narcissism is, and what it most definitely is not.

What is Narcissism?

Often, it’s a word thrown around to anybody who annoys another person.

Oh, they’re such a narcissist!

Have you seen them on their latest vacation? What a narcissist!

Another selfie! What a narcissist!

Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. 

True narcissism is more than a selfie or a vacation somebody you know is on.

It’s deep, and it ruins lives. 

That’s not an example of drama – this is the truth.

Narcissists ruin lives wherever they go. They tear families apart, ruin friendships, bring the conflict to work with them – and the fallout can be huge. 

Narcissists are assholes, but also – assholes are assholes, too.

Sometimes, we need to take a step back and see the difference between somebody hellbent on sending you to therapy and somebody who is just a miserable person. 

#1 Don’t Get Confidence Twisted

We all want to be more confident. 

We all love to see confidence in others. 

Let’s look briefly at what’s real, and what’s fake about confidence. 

Real vs. Fake

Real confidence is always perfectly described in a story about a guy I went to university with. In a lecture one day, the tutor talked about some heavy stuff, and I could see the puzzled looks of my fellow students.

This guy, I’ll call him Jake, raised his hand and said, in front of nearly 100 other people:

I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Can you please explain it another way?

This is a level of confidence like no other. The fact that somebody was confident enough to admit without care that he needed a topic or concept reworded to help him was totally cool, and affected nobody. He was that sure of himself.

Fake confidence describes the type of confidence every narcissist has.

They want you to believe it’s real, but it’s shrouded in the reality that they’re deeply insecure, out to hurt you, and refuse to show anybody how much they hate themselves. 

#2 Anger – When Healthy and Unhealthy Get Clouded

We all get annoyed, let’s not pretend any different. 

When we get annoyed, we often take it out on the people we love, and we can snap.

But what’s important is that we say sorry and admit we made a mistake. We work on it, lessen our workload, and take some time out. 

Narcissists can’t regulate their emotions in the same way, and will never admit to being wrong. Instead, they keep the volume up, and their anger has no time for rest. 

#3 It’s Okay To Put Yourself First

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean that you’re a narcissist. It’s important to put your needs first when you need to, and think about your goals or dreams. You can’t pour from an empty cup, after all.

Narcissists never put anybody’s needs above their own.

They don’t know when to give somebody else center stage. Instead, they remain on it themselves, and to hell with everybody else. 

Know the difference between tending to your needs, and cutting everybody else off who may need your help.

#4 Appearance Isn’t Always About Narcissism

Hey, you can look after your appearance and look fantastic without being a narcissist. We need to do this now more than ever! We matter!

But a nice appearance shouldn’t be synonymous with a narcissistic character. 

#5 Ambition is Healthy! Too Much, Watch Out

Those goals you want and have should be worked toward, and nobody should stop you from aiming for them.

If you know you deserve it, then the sky is your limit. This is all about self-belief, resilience and confidence.

Too much of all those things ill point to narcissism, and if you are willing to trample over every good relationship you have in your life to get what you want, then it’s time to re-evaluate how much narcissism runs through your veins. 

#6 Charisma is Charming – Charm? Not So Much

It’s nice to be charismatic! Friendly, chatty, helpful, and trustworthy are fundamental traits in a good person, but let’s make no mistake about them.

Charm is not the same as charisma. It is real, and charm is just an attempt to make people believe you’re the type of person that you are, in fact, not. 

Narcissists exude charm, but it is very hollow, superficial, and cannot be sustained. 

#7 “I Love Myself”

Self-love is a half-trillion-dollar empire now, and there is an emphasis on loving who you are, faults and all.

Narcissists take self-love to another level. Number one, it’s not even genuine, because they actually hate themselves deep down.

Number two, they make up for fact number one so much that they try to overcompensate for it. 

Hideous? Yes.

But there’s nothing wrong with genuinely loving yourself.

#8 Cheating?…

Cheaters cheat, but not all cheaters are narcissists.

You hear a lot that narcissists will nearly always cheat because they can’t not get as much supply as humanly possible. 

Sometimes, cheating occurs, and the person will be highly remorseful.

Therapy occurs, reflection is possible, and you can work through it together.

It doesn’t happen with narcissists. They will cheat and cheat, anc throw your pain under the bus. 

#9 “Me, Me, Me”

People get wrapped up in themselves, don’t they? You see it a lot in this world as we have simply become busier than ever. 

Work is demanding, home life never shuts down, and we still have relationships to maintain, whether platonic or romantic. 

If hearing somebody scream from time to time about how their life is more hectic than yours, or how they have needs that are out of this world – the thought should arise that perhaps they’re struggling with juggling so much.

Before you try and tell me that this isn’t the same as the selfishness of narcissism – I am here to agree with you – and that’s my point! Truly, my point is – we all get lost in the matrix. It’s hard.

We say things we don’t mean. We snap, we judge, we complain, we yell; we’re tired. 

The difference between narcissism and non-narcissism is two things:

Remorse and apology. Both need to be sincere, and I truly mean that. 

Both need to be meant.

#10 Gaslighting? Not Always Narcissism

Gaslighting is a term that we all use when we’re describing narcissism, but there is a level of frustration that can accompany phrases like: 

I did not say that!

It might for instance, be a genuine thought from somebody that they forgot they said something. 

Gaslighting is intentional, and the make up and fabrication of lies is sent to destroy victims on the receiving end.