Narcissists love to control as much as they’re able to get their toxic claws into.
You are included in this, but not just you as a whole, but everything you do. I’d even go as far as to say everything you say, too.
You know the worst part? Narcissists are capable of controlling you without even muttering a single word.
I’ve got 8 ways they do that right here, and I wonder how many you’ve personal experience of.
Hit me up in the comments, and let me know!
#1 Silence
Silence is one of the worst ways to be controlled, and it tells you everything you need to know about narcissists.
To be around somebody who refuses to even talk to you is a whole new level of abuse, but it’s also a disgusting way to control somebody. If you know, you know.
You think everything is fine, and suddenly, the narcissist blanks you. They ghost you.
They go silent, and you raise an eyebrow. The first thought you have is, “What did I do?”
You backtrack, trying to think of anything that may have rocked the boat, and that can even mean you start to invent things that didn’t even happen.
You ask them, along with, “What can I do to make it up to you?”
They don’t answer and just sigh, almost as if they are resigned to feeling annoyed by you.
The dread rises in the pit of your stomach, and anxiety kicks in.
This is regular, sickening, and silent.
#2 Banging around
Banging around is such a common way for narcissists to silently control the atmosphere of the house, and I don’t think it’s talked about nearly enough.
They come home from work and you’re already on edge, wondering what mood they will be in.
They walk through the door and slam it, banging their keys on the side and throwing their shoes to the side.
You gulp.
What can I say to make them feel better? Your immediate thought is to fix whatever they are expressing as broken, but actually, it’s way beyond your capabilities.
The reason for the banging is to get you into that fight-or-flight mode they love to see you in.
There’s no justification for commanding the mood of the home this way, or wherever you may be.
It is definitely a silent way for them to gain control.
#3 Changing passwords
Changing passwords for the narcissist is a productive way of gaining control over finances.
They know up until now, you’ve signed in and used the bank to pay certain bills and check the status of your balance.
Now, they’re switched it up a gear and made it impossible for you to access any of it. Without saying a word, they’ve changed all the passwords and locked you out.
Not cool, and very controlling.
#4 Hiding your stuff
The narcissist doesn’t have to mutter a word if they’re hiding your stuff.
They do it because they want to see you desperately trying to find what you are looking for, and knowing all along where it is, they take great joy in watching you lose your mind.
I swear I left my bag by the door.
I can’t find it anywhere.
Of course you can’t. The narcissist has taken it upon themselves to put it in a place they know you’ll never look, and if you do find it, you will say, “I know I didn’t leave it here!”
They want you to feel like you’re going crazy, and hiding your belongings is a really dark, silent way of gaslighting you.
#5 Looking over your shoulder at what you are doing
It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, it’s the fact that you are doing it in the presence of the narcissist.
You could be happily on your phone, checking your emails from the day, or texting your best friend like you normally might.
The narcissist wants to know everything. They will sit beside you, close enough to be able to decipher what you’re doing, knowing everything about the exchange without asking what you’re doing, or saying a single word.
Before you say they aren’t, I urge you to think about that feeling you get with them next to you, and what you see out of the corner of your eye.
That really is the narcissist turning their neck slightly so they don’t miss a thing.
#6 Stalk you online
Stalking you online is standard narcissistic behavior, and I don’t care how tightly you think you have your socials locked down.
From what you post, where you tag yourself, who you tag yourself with, and any news you publish, the narcissist will find out all of the above, and they will use your news against you.
That might look like sabotaging your life in some way, or getting you to cancel plans they know you have to spend time with them.
Little things matter, so if you can pull out the moles from your social profiles so your news doesn’t get back to the narcissist, you will instantly live a better life.
Other than that, lock the profiles down, delete what can be seen publicly, and only have who you trust on your friends lists because anybody else will lead back to the narcissist somehow.
#7 That look
I want to talk about the look, and I may go into more detail than you have ever even thought about, but I want you to know that whatever I write, you need to hear.
First off, we all know the look, right? It is rehearsed between the both of you to test and ensure you know when to feel alarmed, panicked or when you have ‘done something wrong.’
When the look has been established, it will be put out into the world. You might be at a family gathering, perhaps even the Holidays.
You will say something, or speak to somebody the narcissist doesn’t want you talking to.
Maybe you upstage them somehow, or is it the fact that you haven’t gone over to check on them in a long time?
The look will come, and it will stop you in your tracks. Your stomach will drop to the floor, and the worry will set in.
You then spend the rest of your time there trying to get their attention, looking for that reassuring smile that never comes.
So you retreat, and the narcissist has you right where they want you, without saying a single word.
#8 Intimacy
Intimacy can be either lack of, too much, or a right amount for you. But what it does come with, is the control.
Take you, for example. You are annoyed by the narcissist. They keep forgetting the small things, they have upset you and you feel distant from them.
Can they pull out the intimacy card and make your worries all go away? Absolutely!
They will use you – and their sexuality – to hijack your worries and manipulate you into thinking they’re okay, when really, all they want is to be satisfied.
The silence will follow after intimacy, but you will learn that the difficult way.
Intimacy should not be a weapon, but it is a silent one that can confuse victims even more.
