Hearing somebody talk about you will make you stop in your tracks.
What are they saying? Who is doing the talking?
It’s nice when it’s nice – but not so much when you hear false claims. Of course, you’ll only hear those from people who want to drag your name through the mud…
…Oh! Did somebody ring the narcissist’s doorbell? Sorry. They aren’t in. They’re actually busy playing in that mud.
With your name.
The Ex.
Here’s what they’re saying about you.
The Ex – You?
If you’re reading this, there’s every chance you could be the ex I’m referring to. How did you find your break up? Was it you who initiated, or was it the narcissist?
You may have fallen victim to gossip behind your back as soon as you left the narcissism building.
If that’s the case, you’ll likely be familiar with some points on the list!
You Escaped – Kind Of
Whenever a relationship with a narcissist ends, there is always the feeling of pure freedom.
I agree. It’s liberating not to be tied to them emotionally, mentally, or physically anymore. It’s over. Thank God.
Except – their word still traps a part of you. I hasten to add that this is only if you allow it.
You can always choose to ignore the rumors the narcissist is spreading about you. I know that’s not easy, but it is the only way to fully escape their control.
The refusal to be manipulated.
Prepare For Lies to Continue
In any case, it’s always good to be prepared for lies to continue. You’ll most certainly hear at least one of the following nine points.
#1 “I Never Liked Them Anyway”
As the new flame, or anybody willing to open an ear listens intently, taking every word as gospel – the narcissist will proceed with their plan of breaking you down and turning you into the bad guy.
This started with them not caring about you very much. It will come across as no hard feelings, but the depth of your relationship won’t be revealed . Now, there are a few reasons for this.
First, they’re hiding how it hurt when you discovered them and wanted out.
Instead of pouring their heart out to anybody (which narcissists never do), they act like you don’t matter.
The second is they want to be seen to be the reasonable one. It is what it is, and it’s now in the past. What’s done is done, and now you’re over, you can move onto bigger and better things.
#2 “They Always Brought Me Down”
This is where things can start to get a little more dark and sinister. If narcissists are talking about their ex partners, you can be sure it’s going to come across that you were the one who dragged the whole mood down.
You caused this decline in happiness. You are the one who insisted on killing the relationship.
Hey – if it’s not you it’s going to be them, right?!
You have to be the one who is seen to be at fault. They deserved better than you. You weren’t giving them the time or love they needed.
It’s you who is to blame, and the more convincing they spin that story, the worse you’re going to come off.
This is time to hate the player as much as the game.
#3 “They’re Really Abusive”
You’re the abuser?! Can you even believe this strong lie would exit their mouths?
Never put anything past a narcissist. They’re forever keen to grind your garlic, and they will do anything to do so.
Telling everybody that you were the abusive one in the relationship is called projection.
It’s taking something they do, and passing it to the innocent like it was a weight they were unwilling to carry.
If you are known to be the bad guy, then not only does that free up the narcissist from blame, it also excludes them from future criticism.
As far as you’re concerned, they’re not abusive. That’s all you need to know.
(We know the truth!)
#4 “They Cheated On Me”
As with most narcissists, they don’t mind straying from home and being totally okay with disloyalty (as long as they’re the ones being so).
If you dare cheat on them, you will never hear the end of it. They will make your life a living hell.
Which is exactly the game they will play when they are trying to persuade others that you did them dirty.
If you’re the cheat, then they can’t possibly be.
#5 “I Could Never Do Anything Wrong”
All I want is to be happy.
To know that I’ve got a partner who I love and trust is all that matters.
I love knowing that I am making a difference in my relationship.
Oh wow. I mean, one hundred points for acting…
…Narcissists take the moral high ground when it suits them, and they show up to be holier than thou.
Let’s get one thing clear – they do everything wrong, and they make it look like your fault.
Which is precisely what happens here.
#6 “They Just Plodded Through Life”
Oh, they never wanted to do anything or go anywhere.
I’m a person who loves grabbing life and having adventures.
I felt held back.
I was beginning to feel as though it was my fault, or that something was wrong with me..
If you’re the ex of the narcissist, you likely ended up just not wanting to do anything through sheer lack of confidence or self-esteem.
Who can blame you? That’s how they create this version of you they can control and throw their toxicity onto.
You aren’t a plodder. You’re somebody who doesn’t have always to be doing something for life to feel worthwhile – and that’s the difference.
#7 “Good Luck. They’ll Need It Without Me”
You’re given all the good luck in the world the second you leave any abusive relationship.
No, it’s never easy at first. There is work to do to build yourself back up, and to start to find your own path again.
Narcissists want others to know that you’ll be lost without them. They want to be viewed as the director in the relationship, the glue.
They were not the glue. They were the mold.
#8 “I Never Saw The Attraction With Them”
Another outright lie – there was a definite attraction from the narcissist toward their victim.
This attraction was your supply—the way you gave them exactly what they needed to thrive the way they did.
The attraction was the belief that the narcissist was authentically charming, when in fact, it couldn’t have been further from the truth.
