Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.
It’s not the bedbugs you should be afraid of, it’s the narcissist living with you and pretending they love you.
In fact, the ways they disturb your sleep will be so suffocating that you have to learn them fast for prime self-care.
I’ve got 8 ways narcissists disturb your sleep. After that, the power starts with you and how you choose to deal with them.
Tip from me: don’t put up with it.
Sleep and you
“Let’s talk about sleep, baby, let’s talk about all those z’s…”
We have to keep talking about sleep. We all need it. I don’t believe it when I hear people say, “Oh, I only need 4 hours per night, and I’m good!”
You’re not good at all, you’re spinning on almost empty and it will affect you. Instead, I’d say if you’re getting 7 hours a night, you’re doing well in this day and age.
Lack of sleep will determine your mental health levels, and your mental health levels will determine how you think, feel and act the next day.
If you’re tired, it’s going to make you feel down, and feeling down will have you reaching for the unhealthy things to get by.
Instead, consider why you may be struggling with sleep. Your environment will be the starting point, and as you look around it, you’ll see what could be the cause. In a lot of cases, it’s the people we share our lives with who tick that box.
Abusive people who keep us worrying will affect our sleep, but before I spoil it even more, let’s dive into the list.
#1 You overthink their attitude
Trying to diagnose the narcissist right before bed in your mind won’t help you fall asleep easily at all, and if you do, you’re far more likely to keep waking up in the night going over and over your thoughts.
Why are they like this?
What happened?
Why did they have to act that way?
Why weren’t they more understanding?
What more do I need to do?
You can repeat these questions, but you will neer get the answers. Even if you were to ask the narcissist straight out, they will lie to you and blame you for asking them.
Overthinking won’t shut your mind down, in fact, it will tell your body to stay awake.
#2 You worry about tomorrow
It’s exactly normal to worry about tomorrow when a narcissist is in your life.
What will come of it, how it will end, how it will begin, what might go wrong, will you annoy them in some way, will they shout at you; all the questions at the quietest time of the day.
Worrying about tomorrow won’t give you the answers you need in order to relax.
Those thoughts and questions will instead circle and circle, and continue to do so until you look at the clock at 1am, 2am, and so on.
The likelihood is that the narcissist will be peacefully sleeping next to you, because that’s exactly what people without a conscience do.
They don’t care, and they won’t be bothered that you’re wide awake. In fact, they will probably love the fact that you’re so worried you can’t shut down.
It means they have some kind of sick control over you, which is just a nice form of narcissistic supply.
#3 Thinking of what you could have done better
Tick, tock. The clock is moving to another hour and you’re still awake. What’s on your mind?
You’re running over the argument or conversation you had right before bed. You wonder how it could have played out differently, so that the narcissist wasn’t in the mood they were in when they fell asleep.
And of course, they did fall asleep. You’re the one awake, blaming your part in it as the reason why you’re still awake.
Heaven forbid you looked to the narcissist as the one to blame, but that’s how victims are led to always be the one at fault.
#4 Losing that sense of safety
When you’re asleep, you’re vulnerable to the universe. You can’t control your dreams, or when you toss and turn and wake up.
Your body has to agree to shut down so that you can get the rest you need, so if you’re on high alert, it’s just not going to happen.
We all need to feel a sense of safety, but when you’re around a narcissist, that dysregulation will kick in and remain, disturbing the sleep you have probably for as long as you’re with them, and slightly beyond, too.
#5 High alert for the unexpected
Not only are you generally on high alert, you’re also wide awake to wait for something that will fully take you by surprise – and I don’t mean the good kind.
You’ve been there before, and been woken in the dead of night by the angry narcissist who just has to get in what they want to say, even if it’s 3am.
So you’ve tuned into the idea that this can happen any time, and your body and mind become prepared for it.
You guessed it, you’re not getting any sleep!
#6 Anxiety equals dysregulation
You’re anxious even when you’re not trying to get to sleep. All day, every day.
It shows up in how you react to the narcissist, how you treat yourself, and the triggers you experience. Is it any wonder that you’re so unable to shut down when you’re meant to at the end of the day?
This dysregulated undertone to your life can be easily forgotten or swept under the carpet if you’re good at avoiding your own pain, but it’s less easy to avoid at night when there are no other distractions.
The way they treat you leads to anxiety, and that anxiety will be what fractures your nights.
#7 Loud noises to keep you awake
What more of a twisted way is there to keep you awake and remind you that they’re around? Their presence has to be the most important thing at all times, but all that does is disturb you when you’re supposed to be getting rest.
The banging of doors or cupboards, deciding to cook late at night, getting up early in the morning for work and treating it like it’s the middle of the day; anything to disturb you.
They want the awareness to always be on them, so the attention is always on them. How sad is that?!
#8 Not knowing where they are
If a narcissist is out and says they will be home at a certain time, that’s when you expect them to come home.
They’re late, so you call them and they don’t answer. You know you need to get some sleep soon, but you won’t be able to unless you know they made it home safely.
So what happens? Well, they’ve got you right where they want you, because nothing will make them want to answer your texts or calls of concerns.
Sadly, you will be worked up by the time you do reach the or they get home, and of course, you’ll be blamed for being insecure or needy.
