Are you thinking about confronting a narcissist about how they treat you?
You’re going to need to buckle up.
I’ve done it, and let me tell you, their reactions were wild and so dramatic.
You see, narcissists don’t take criticism well, and when you shine a light on their behavior, things can get messy very quickly.
I want to reveal the 8 ways they typically respond when you call them out.
I get it. Being tired of being mistreated will lead you to the point where you can’t take any more, and you have to speak up.
You’re in the right place.
#1 “Wait, I hurt you?!”
And here it comes, like a toxic tornado of words! The narcissist is holding up a mirror to point to you as soon as you even get close to telling them what you think of their treatment of you.
You want to say, “You’ve got some nerve!”, but before you can open your mouth, they’re saying it to you.
I hurt your feelings? Are you kidding me?
Do you even realize how much pain you cause me?
What about that time you ….
I can’t believe you’re being this cruel to me
I’ve done nothing to deserve this
It can go on and on, and they will find all kinds of words and excuses to make you even wind up saying that YOU are sorry for how you treat them.
So yeah, I totally get it when you think of the nerve they have.
This is one of the worst ways to try to make yourself look like an innocent party.
#2 “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
Yep, this is a case of here we go again. The narcissist wants to lump the fact that they think you’re somehow incapable of being able to know right from wrong.
You’ve tolerated their behavior for a long time, and you’re at the point where something has to give.
You have the courage to use your voice in the hope it’ll be met with a chance for connection and communication, but no.
They really don’t make it easy, do they?
So now, you are treated like you are confused. Like you somehow imagined all the crap they have thrown at you.
Like your head is so messed up that you can’t even think straight.
Well guess what? You can!
Don’t let them use this as an excuse to gaslight you.
#3 “You’ve got some imagination there”
As if you’d sit down and pen a story that frames the love of your life as a narcissist…
It’s definitely ‘eye roll time!’
Your imagination exists, but it has nothing to do with what they’re putting you through.
In fact, the narcissist is trying yet again to worm their way out of your confrontation by assuming you are literally hallucinating.
The ridiculous part about this is that because they will have had a history of convincing you that you’re seeing what isn’t there, you will probably believe every word they say.
You might apologize, or tell them that they’re right. You’ll then sit back while they continue their abuse and you won’t want to raise it again through fear of this statement reprising.
You know the truth.
#4 “If I am treating you so badly, why don’t you just leave?”
This old chestnut is golden and typical of narcissists, but I assure you, it’s totally toxic.
What planet is anybody on when they think the only way to get out of ill treatment of you is to say “leave” rather than, “Oh, snap. I need to change.”
If they’re treating you badly, yes, please leave.
But don’t see the alternative as staying and continuing to be abused, because for them, only giving you those two options should go a long way to prove they do not love or care about you at all.
I know it’s hard to hear, but you have to understand how hearing the truth will help you find your way to a stronger version of you that does not tolerate abuse in any format.
#5 “I really don’t think I’ve been treating you any differently to usual”
Well, at least they’re being honest for once.
For them, it’s business as normal. They don’t see an issue with how they treat you, and neither should you.
On the flip side, yeah, this is the usual way you’re treated, and that is like total shit. So at least we are seeing some truths creep through the cracks.
It takes a lot to confront a narcissist. It takes courage and the realization that you deserve better.
When you are shot down in response to your confrontation, it can leave a very flat feeling inside.
Don’t let that detract you from what’s really going on here. You’re being gaslighted with this comment, and made to think that actually, nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
In truth, they’re right. But that ‘nothing out of the ordinary’ is terrible treatment, and just because ‘terrible’ is familiar, doesn’t mean you should be putting up with it.
#6 “I don’t know what to tell you”
Right, well, that figures, doesn’t it? The narcissist doesn’t know what to tell you.
You’ve cornered them and they’re uncomfortable and they have no idea how to prize themselves out of the trouble they’ve landed themselves in.
That doesn’t help you, the person who wants a conversation about something that’s pretty serious.
For a while you’ve had these suspicions that they’ve been toxic, and you’re finally having it out with them.
You caught them off guard, and they don’t know what words to use to dig their way out.
The power of being able to stand up for yourself, right? You’ve done it, and look at them, shrinking in the light you are giving off.
That didn’t take long!
#7 “Stop being so emotional”
A message to the narcissist:
Stop being so disrespectful!
They’re just jealous because you are capable and able to display your emotions honestly and vividly, which is something they seriously lack.
Your emotions are always valid, and certainly in this instance. You’ve got every right to let them know how you feel, and even how it’s affected you.
For them, they’ve only got their own judgment of how you present to go by, which is what they cling to.
And that, my friends, is what we can all call truly pathetic.
#8 “What problem page have you been reading today?”
What a way to patronize the life out of you? You’ve gone to the trouble of confronting them about their toxic and abusive behavior, and all they can do is wink and smile at you, like you’ve been reading too much junk.
This is real life. You don’t need to read any problem page to know that huge aspects of your relationship are out of alignment.
You can fight for the freedom of knowing the truth, or you can continue to put up with much less than you deserve.
Don’t let any narcissist make you feel like you’re cluelessly wading to the assumption that they’re treating you terribly. Their criticism and ridicule is covering a whole heap of fear they don’t want you to see.
