Feeling courageous? I will start by saying good for you! It’s not everyday that kind of emotion crops up in people who knowingly deal with narcissists on a regular basis.

Something must have really happened for you to want to stand up to one, and I don’t say that lightly.

So what was it? Or have you simply just had enough?

The bad news is the revenge the narcissist has ready for you, and here are 8 ways they get it when you stand up to them.

They Don’t Want Your Bravery

While it may be empowering for you to stand up and fight for yourself, the narcissist has other ideas.

I don’t want you to think that you shouldn’t stand up to them as a result, because you absolutely should.

Narcissists like it when you obey, listen to them, do as they say, believe them and let them be in charge.

They don’t like it when you start being assertive and making your own choices because then they lose their power. 

So be prepared…

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Don’t Mess With the Dynamics

What works, works. That’s what narcissists love. They work hard to carve out their little toxic corner of the world.

The second you start messing with it, they’re going to have a huge problem on their hands.

Standing up for yourself is messing with the dynamics, but that shouldn’t stop you.

If you’re usually the meek and mild person who will nod and do as you’re told, the narcissist is going to suddenly have an open vacancy where you once stood. 

When the narcissist is ready to punish you for daring to stand up for yourself, they will do so in these seven ways. 

#1 Blame You 

I find it really rude of you to raise your voice at me this way.

What do you feel you’re gaining by speaking to me like that?

How dare you be so crass as to answer me back!

This is all your fault anyway!

Whenever I hear somebody tell me that they were to blame, I ask the same question I will ask you now:

Really?

I mean, really?

Think about it.

Are you telling me that it’s your fault because you believe that, or because you were programmed to believe it?

If I were a betting man, I’d place bets on it being the latter. But here we are, and here is where we need to start healing this belief. 

Standing up to the narcissist doesn’t make you to blame. You’re not trying to start a fight or cause further conflict.

You’re speaking your opinions, and for once, the narcissist can’t get hold of them and change them.

#2 Discredit You

You’re wrong. 

Yeah, they tried to make me feel like shit, but I know how badly they read people so I am refusing to take the blame for it.

They don’t know what they’re talking about. They’re known to lie on occasions, so just ignore them.

You see how easy it is to discredit a person and almost make others feel pity for you?

I’m sad to report that this is how narcissists act when you try to make a stand against them.

They will shoot you down faster than you can blink, and it will be the kind of punishment that makes you feel helpless.

It’s the golden reason why they like their business and abuse to be as private as possible – so nobody else suspects them. Times like this will prove they’re right as they gain allies rather than enemies. 

#3 Smear Campaign

Narcissists know how much you value your loved ones. The parents who always have your back, or the friends you have built up over the years to be a great source of comfort. 

What about your coworkers, who know you inside and out? 

Neighbors, perhaps? They love you. You always have such a cheery disposition and are always there when they need a hand. 

I hate to say it, but you’re going to have to bid some of them farewell. I can’t tell you which ones, because that all depends on the narcissist and who they can get their claws into. 

If you think you’re going to be exempt from the smear campaign, I want you to really think again.

Narcissists do love to spread lies and rumors, and if you’ve stood up to one, it’s going to happen even more so. 

So let it be a little word of advice to you:

Prepare for loss.

And you know what? I always say the right people for you won’t leave you. If others are going to believe the lies of the narcissist, there’s no talking them round, so save your energy. 

#4 Silent Treatment

I’m sorry.

I won’t do it again.

I hate it when you go quiet on me.

I was just trying to say what I thought.

I didn’t think you’d take it so badly.

It’s my fault.

You were right, I don’t know what I was thinking.

Do I need to tell you what’s happening here?

If I do, it’s this:

These phrases and thoughts will occur when the narcissist’s silent treatment toward you has worked. 

#5 The Beast Awakens…

Unleashed and in full effect for all to see and witness.

Or least only for you. If it were in front of everybody then your truths about them would stand up, wouldn’t they?

Narcissists are smart like that. So if you’re standing up to them, they will make your life hell by being as beastly as possible…

…But only for your eyes. 

#6 Insult: Doing What They Can!

You’re pathetic.

I don’t know why I bother.

What a waste of time it is knowing you.

You disgust me.

I can’t stand you when you’re like this.

Anything to chip away at your kind character that little bit more.

If it works, then great. That’s exactly what they want to do. 

#7 Threats and Intimidation

It can get pretty serious, and I know of cases where police have had to intervene.

Ultimately, it’s the reality of what you’re dealing with, and the potential for some narcissists to take that next level is totally possible.

All I will say is take care of yourself, do the right thing, and put your needs first. 

There is no room in your life for threats or intimidation.

#8 Discard

Is it a relief to be discarded? Probably not a first for the victim who has a strong yet toxic attachment to their abuser.

It’s hard t o break free and be independent, but it’s very possible.

Use their discard to your advantage, and start to live your life and never regret standing up to them. 

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.