Sadly enough, we do live in a world where narcissists will treat you in ways that will make you not want to ask for a single thing.
I’m not saying you will even be slightly aware of the fact that you are so low maintenance, but I will say you are going to lose out on a lot because you don’t speak up and make even the most simple of requests.
The quieter you are, the more the narcissist will like you. Use these 8 ways a narcissist will teach you to never ask for anything.
#1 Watching what you spend
If a narcissist is watching what you spend, they’re going to have an opinion about it.
That opinion will be shared by them to you, whether you like it or not, so prepare for a showdown!
You spend so much money on food!
You’ve been online again?
Why do you insist on using so much water?
Why are you so crazy when it comes to spending during the Holidays?
Now the narcissist knows what you spend, they can criticize that, too.
This makes you pull back, for not wanting to cause further problems.
Soon enough, you learn to only spend on the essentials, and have those 2-inch baths that use as little water as possible.
You ask for little, and soon that becomes nothing at all.
#2 Being so hot and cold
The hot and cold behavior of a narcissist is enough to make you think, “I don’t even want to ask for this or that because I don’t know what mood I will find the narcissist in today.”
That’s why they love blowing so hot and cold, because they know you will react to it and feel a lot more uncertain around them.
It’s kind of sick when you think about it. Learning through their behavior not wanting to ask for anything really does give way to some terribly unhealthy habits that you will end up picking up, and through no real fault of your own.
You don’t want to rock the boat. You don’t want to cause a riot, or create a certain atmosphere in the house, so you leave it be.
You sit, and you convince yourself that you don’t want that hug, or you don’t need that new winter coat.
#3 Moaning about having to earn money
As much as narcissists are obsessed with earning money, they love to complain about having to work for it.
I have to work so many hours just to be able to afford how we live.
It’d be nice if you could show some appreciation.
I am having to do overtime.
The bill won’t pay themselves.
There you are, asking for as little as possible, all because you don’t want to add to their stress. You know that if you do add to it, you will be left feeling responsible for what comes next.
If things really are that tight, you would sooner just sit and go without because that has to be better than speaking up and admitting there’s something missing from your life.
Does that need to be material? No. But if the narcissist is always working, they won’t have time for that hug, either.
#4 Teaching you worthlessness
If you won’t feel worthy of an outcome, you will not request assistance to help you get there.
In other words, if you feel worthless, why would you speak up and ask for anything?
This might be the case for so many different aspects of life.
- Getting therapy.
- Joining the gym.
- Help around the house to free up your time so you can go for that walk.
Whatever it is you want help with, you will learn through having no value of yourself to not bother asking.
#5 Holding it against you when you have previously
Any time you’ve asked for something in the past will be remembered by the narcissist.
Haven’t you already got this before?
Didn’t you ask me this last week?
Why do you insist on continuing to ask for things that are so big?
You’ll apologize, back away, and claim you clearly ask for too much. You’ll stop talking, and make sure you don’t do it again.
Your silence is compliance, and the narcissist knows it.
As it stands, you are not too much. We all need and want in life, and your requests may well be practical and necessary.
You wouldn’t think so though, the way the narcissist is acting.
If you’re feeling guilty or ashamed, then you are being manipulated to think you’re too much for them, and you’ll do anything to change that and shrink.
Don’t shrink.
Be you.
#6 Teaching you that love is conditional
When you make a narcissist happy, they will give you whatever you want.
A hug, a meal out; they will throw money at you like it’s your birthday.
The second you displease them in some way, they will punish you by refusing to talk with you, criticize you, make you feel terrible, and disapprove of anything you say or do.
Over time, you will learn that asking for anything is dependent on what good things they think you have done lately, and because you won’t know what they will reply with, you simply won’t ask at all.
The conditional love of a narcissist does not form the true basis of love, and you shouldn’t live your life assuming that it does.
These are not standards.
#7 Convincing you that you don’t need it
What will you do with that?
Haven’t you got enough of those already?
I got you several of these and I never even see you wear any?
Suddenly, you’ll agree, even though they’re wrong.
You will find yourself not wanting what you are normally attracted to because you will talk yourself out of buying it before you’ve even picked it up and had a look at it.
This is pure manipulation.
You are not a person who should have to tolerate this kind of thing, yet narcissists are so clever at tuning everything around onto you so that it looks like you made the choice yourself, and not them.
#8 Telling everybody how you never ask for anything
And you associate it with being an easy person to live with or be around, right?
Oh, it’s a dream.
They never want for anything.
I am enough for them.
They are just so easy to be around.
They aren’t high maintenance at all.
Maybe not, but is that because you keep your mouth shut and refuse to ask for what you want in life?
I’d say that would have a lot to do with it. Narcissists are so hard to please though, that you will see your lack of request as a good thing, and will do what it takes to keep it that way.
You want to be the kind of person they are proud of, and not somebody they moan about behind your back.
Let me just tell you. Even if you don’t ask for anything, the narcissist will still find things to moan about when it comes to you.
