Narcissists don’t appreciate anything. They hate to admit that they;re thankful for a single thing you have done for them, even if it means you bending over backwards to help them.
I know it might seem like something you can never win, but even knowing how they are and what they are truly like, you will be able to win this entire war.
Here are 8 things you do for the narcissist that they will never appreciate.
#1 Give them all your time and energy
You show up every single time. You are happy to cancel your plans, or rearrange what you were going to do. Your entire life gets put on hold, and why?
It’s all for them. Does any of it go noticed? Of course it doesn’t!
The narcissist will take what you do because they expect it. And in turn, they demand even more from you.
Let me tell you something. What you sacrifice, they won’t even blink at.
It doesn’t impress them; they just value entitlement and even when you’re running on empty, and stay up all night, they will still say it wasn’t enough.
The loneliness is painful, because you’re pouring everything into a person who never truly sees you.
You have to understand that the narcissist just wants your obedience, and not your energy. They will take and take until there is nothing left.
#2 Make constant excuses for their toxicity
I didn’t mean it.
I’ve just been stressed out lately.
I had such a difficult past, you know.
You take the narcissists excuses ,and use them yourself when defending them to others, even though they spend each day hurting you.
As you explain their behavior to others, you know the truth is lying heavy within you. And so you carry it instead, and you feel alone in doing so.
The cycle repeats:
They insult you, you excuse them. They cross your boundaries, and so you withdraw them and make them softer.
How exhausting is that?! Not to mention how isolating it can make you.
You aren’t just surviving their behavior here, you are also seemingly in charge of everybody else’s perception, too.
Will they appreciate you for it? Absolutely not.
#3 Putting their needs first – even before your own
If you needed to please the narcissist, you’d skip meals, lose sleep, and silence your feelings all to make them happy. As long as they are comfortable, nothing else matters.
The more urgent their needs become, the more optional yours become.
You tell yourself that love is about sacrificing, yet you don’t seem to see the narcissist making any sacrifices for you.
You bend and bend until you are about to break, but all they do is expect you to bend that little bit further.
And I get it. Each time you give, the narcissist expects more from you.
Soon, you don’t even know what you need any more because you have trained yourself to believe that you don’t matter, or that your needs aren’t worthy.
They are, and they always were. The problem is that victims learn to be there for their abuser, without having the same in return.
#4 Support them through all their crises
When others eventually leave the narcissist as they always do in the end, you stay.
You seem to be the only one who has their back, yet it largely goes unnoticed.
It’s as if you become their therapist; the person who cheers them on and becomes their emergency contact.
With every breakdown, every drama and each disaster, you hold the narcissist together.
Without them, you’d be nothing, but they’ve taught you that you are just simply nothing.
What happens when you fall apart? They aren’t there. They don’t show up.
You carry it all alone, yet again, and that can be the unfair, unkind and quite frankly cruel imbalance of it all.
While you are their safe space, they will never be willing to be yours. In return for the comfort you provide the narcissist, they offer nothing to you but distance.
If only they could just reach out and connect, but they never will, and they will never appreciate your efforts.
#5 Stay loyal and true, even when they aren’t
Time and time again, the narcissist has proven that they cannot be loyal to you.
The way they constantly flirt with others, lie to you and betray you, yet you stay. Why?
It’s not because you’re weak or that you believe in commitment no matter what. It’s because you constantly hope for change, and that change will sadly never come.
Your faithfulness has become something the narcissist takes full advantage of, and they use it as an excuse to treat you however they want.
Loyalty should be honored though, right? It should be noted and appreciated that you stick by them regardless, but that will never be the case.
As you aren’t respected, you also aren’t thanked, yet the narcissist continues to rely on you to be there for them, and to sidestep their inappropriateness.
The time has come for you to realize what that kind of life can make you feel like.
#6 Lowering your stands for the sake of peace
For the sake of peace, victims often lower their standards. They stop asking for more because all that does is cause fights.
You accept less, as it actually feels as though everything is calmer when you do.
You have expectations just like anybody, but when you aren’t being appreciated by the narcissist, those are all silenced, including your boundaries and even your voice.
People ask me why they did this for so long, and I always have the same answer for them.
It’s because you wanted to avoid tension, but that isn’t peace, that’s constantly walking on eggshells in the hope nothing erupts.
#7 Carry all the emotional weight of the relationship
Everything that happens in the relationship, from the thinking, to the planning, to the worry; it’s all about the narcissist’s mood. How much stress they bring, and their reactions.
It’s as if you are managing the atmosphere, and creating a constant tone to try to keep conflict at bay.
What’s it all for? Does it work? Likely not. There’s nothing you can definitely do to keep the narcissist happy, yet you carry it all with you as they merely show up.
It’s not healthy to carry everything while the narcissist walks along free from any weight at all.
Just showing up is simply not enough, and you having to fix everything is exactly how you end up feeling like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
#8 Love them without condition
The flaws, anger, and hurt the narcissist brings to the table are forgotten by them.
Especially when they fail to notice how much you try to love them despite all of that.
You truly believe love can heal and your patience will eventually change them, and so you stay in this situation.
This then becomes about how unappreciated you are and have become, all because the narcissist has learned to use and abuse your unconditional love, taking advantage of it at every possible opportunity.
