Narcissists are everywhere, and they give you the impression that you can do anything with them.
That’s part of their initial allure, isn’t it? They make out they’re perfect, when it’s only time that tells you the cutting truth.
You want to know the things you will never be able to do with them?
Well, you’ve come to the right place.
I’ve got a feeling you’re going to be very familiar with them all.
#1 Expect Empathy
The one major thing you possess is the one biggest flaw of the narcissist.
Beneath their fake layers lies somebody empty of soul and compassion, and those are the traits that fundamentally make you up.
It’s no wonder you’re not a match, but somehow victim needs narcissist and narcissist needs victim. This is the dynamic that forces the cycle of abusive relationships to start.
You cannot expect to ever see a shred of empathy come from them, and that’s never going to change.
It’s time to realize that you’re only making yourself suffer by trying to find empathy in the narcissist you know.
None of them possess any.
#2 Have Boundaries Without Backlash
Everybody needs boundaries, but not everybody is fully capable of keeping them alive and strong. Narcissists will try to crush them if given half the chance, and most won’t even comprehend they exist.
Remember – one rule for the narcissist, one rule for you.
You’re expected to adhere to theirs, but they can do and say whatever they want with you.
There is a backlash if you try to assert your boundaries, namely rage. Narcissists will think (and probably say), “What do you think you’re doing?”
You see how much of an automatic given it is for them to just walk all over you without consequence?
I would advise you to keep yours, and if you don’t have any, make them. They are a real test of who is meant to be in your life, and who is just there to take advantage of you.
Having boundaries basically means the trash gets to take itself out!
#3 Rely on Consistency
Consistency is the one concept that keeps us all regulated, isn’t it?
Yes – we want the kind person on the receiving end of your love, but we need consistency.
We need to know there is a level of balance to their moods, and I appreciate we all have off days or stressful times – but not to the point where anybody feels as though they’re walking on eggshells.
Following through on promises is another important aspect of consistency.
So show it to us!
Except you can’t, can you, narcissist?
Everything has to rely on how you feel like acting on that day, in that moment.
#4 Be Fully Seen or Heard
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Do you see what I did today?
No, no and no.
Well, that’s that then.
Narcissists aren’t going to see or do anything you show them, not because they aren’t looking, but because they’re choosing to not be present in your life. Not for that part of it, anyway.
They will take away your sanity as you try to show up and deliver something you’re proud of.
Or the times you need an ear to listen and be your support – don’t count on them.
It’s ironic too, because it’s one of the main connections between two people that can bring depth and value to the relationship, and of course, that’s the direction you want to head.
They don’t.
They want everything to be on their terms, and if you were to tell them something important, you can bet it will go in one ear and out the other.
Nothing non-interesting is ever retained.
#5 Grow Without Threatening Them
It’s impossible to grow in a relationship with a narcissist without becoming some kind of threat to them.
It’s in the way they want to keep you small that they control you the best, so if you aren’t fitting that mold any longer, they’re going to have a problem with it – and you.
When years with a narcissist go by, you might look at yourself and think, “What happened to that time? Why haven’t I evolved?”
It’s because they controlled the relationship, thus controlling you.
And exiting that feels like you’re entering into a period of grief, which you’d be right to acknowledge. Grief isn’t just for the dead – it’s for everything you’ve lost in life.
And so – if you do want to grow – you’ve got to let the narcissist go.
Do it today!
#6 Have Honest Conversations
You just want to be able to speak to them. A normal, honest, and valuable conversation.
If that involves getting into the nitty gritty or being a little vulnerable, then you’re fine with that.
The narcissist?
Not so much,
They hear you coming and they want to bolt for the door. They do not want to be a part of anything honest because then you’re getting what you want, and feeling good about it.
Moreso, you’re building some kind of intimate rapport, and relying on each other for that support.
No. Huge no.
You’re never going to have that. The sooner you understand it, the better.
#7 Trust Their Words
I mean, I hate to say it but if you didn’t already know this, then let it be your biggest lesson of the day.
The words a narcissist says are designed to fool or trap you, nothing more, nothing less.
The thing is, they’re so convincing, aren’t they?
They say what you want to hear when you want to hear it, and the rest of the time, they’re cutting and cruel. So what do you do?
And you know, it doesn’t help when they hear your words and gaslight you into believing that you’re wrong.
And this is constant, people. This is really dangerous waters, because you will soon not know what reality really is.
You just know that the narcissist is very strongly wanting you to believe what they say, to the point where they may insult or intimidate you to get to that place.
#8 You Can’t Make Them Happy
Look, it doesn’t matter how much you try, you’re not going to make the narcissist happy. Not in the way you want them to be, anyway.
I know your idea of happiness is to love and be loved, appreciate, show respect and honesty, and support, love and compromise your way through the relationship.
In that instance – no. You won’t ever make the narcissist happy.
They will only truly be happy when you are suffering. That’s why they put you through so much; just to make themselves feel better.
If I were you, I’d quit trying to get an outcome out of a situation where it is actually impossible.
And last but not least – never ever assume that your inability to make them love you the way you want them to is because of you.
There is no character deficit. You are a truly amazing person, and you are capable of finding someone who can love you back in all the healthy, emotionally regulated ways you dream of.
