You hear nice words falling out of the mouth of the narcissist you know. But before you really start to look at what those words mean, perhaps you ought to pick them apart and translate them.
The words are nothing but mind games, I can promise you. You hear one thing, but they mean something completely different.
It’s only when you can piece the real meaning together, you will understand what’s really going on.
Here are 8 phrases to help get you started.
The Last Thing You Need
And I hear that. People don’t need mind games. Life is stressful enough without having to deal with children stuck in adults’ bodies.
We just want to be able to have open and honest communication with those we love, work with, or are related to, right?
Instead, enter the narcissist. The kind of person who totally ruins life. Not just one aspect of it, but all of it.
It’s tiring, and it constantly leaves those on the receiving end worried about what’s going to happen next, or who they will ‘upset’ or ‘offend’ by simply being their kind selves.
Well, narcissists are always looking for trouble, so they’re always looking for ways to get under your skin, even when you think they’re being kind.
Time to out them!
#1 “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met.”
This is such a captivating phrase, isn’t it? It’s like the person saying ti wants you to think that you’ve been placed on a pedestal, and that they think so highly of you.
They see your low confidence, and they want to give it a temporary boost before stealing it back again.
It’s sneaky, but it’s what the narcissist considers to be a smart move. In their eyes, they’re making you feel special, and they know it doesn’t take much in order for you to feel it.
You take whatever’s on offer, but if you feel special, you can forgive their abuse when they roll it out.
It’s not right, but it’s all part of their game. This kind of mind game shouldn’t make you feel that you aren’t special, but instead should make you aware that your uniqueness is not something that should be used against you at a later date.
#2 “I just want what’s best for you.”
Think hard about this little nugget, because I can guarantee no narcissist wants what’s best for you.
They want the exact opposite, and the only way they’re going to get that is by playing you. You become a part of a game that you did not consent to.
Narcissists in this case will try to convince you that something which is evidently not good for you, is the best thing for you.
They will make you believe that you should do that job move, move cities with them even though you don’t want to, stop talking to that friend or family member, and so on.
They want you to think they know you well enough to make a concerted attempt at guiding you, when in fact, they are steering you away from what is good for you, in favor of something else with the opposite effect.
Think hard when you hear this phrase. It sounds kind and caring, but it’s not. There is always a hidden ulterior motive that they’ve got under their sleeve.
#3 “No one will ever love you like I do.”
What a wonderful sentiment…
…Until you look a little deeper into what’s actually being said.
You think it sounds like the narcissist is telling you how much they love you, but in reality, they’re pretty much saying:
“This is as good as it’s going to get for you, and that’s why you should never leave me.”
You learn that this kind of relationship in all its abusive glory is all the good you’re going to receive in life.
Subconsciously, what that does is teach you that you’re not worth anything better, so you stop looking – or even dreaming – for that real happy ending.
The reality is – you can be loved a whole lot more – and that love will be real, respectful, and reciprocated.
#4 “I’m only telling you this because I care.”
Don’t mistake an open, free-flowing mouth with love, care or concern. It’s not. People can’t just say whatever the hell they want to you no matter how much the words cause you pain, and use
’care’ is an excuse.
Real care comes from being gentle, being understanding, and protecting people from that direct, unnecessary approach.
There are ways to speak to people, even when you have to break something difficult to them.
Narcissists don’t know how to do that, but more importantly, they don’t care about your feelings.
They’re going to say what they want, watch your kind character deflate yet again, and get on with their day like nothing happened.
As far as they’re concerned, you just have to listen and take heed. That’s your job, and if you don’t like it, then hey, as they would say:
Life’s not fair.
I’m here to tell you that while all of life isn’t totally fair – it should be fair in terms of how you allow yourself to be treated.
Mind games like this are not needed, wanted, or for your good at all.
#5 “I can’t live without you.”
The narcissist knows they’d prefer not to live without you, but in saying this phrase to you, how do you think it’d make you feel?
Professionally speaking, it’s designed to manipulate you. They want you to think romantically, here.
Without you, I’m nothing.
You make me the person I am.
You give me all the goodness life can offer.
You’re my sole purpose.
It’s not that.
This is more:
If I let you think you’re that important, it’ll give you a strong reason to stay and allow the continuation of my abuse.
And so, you stay, and the abuse goes on.
And the phrase becomes one fat mind game.
#6 “You’re overreacting.”
Don’t think this phrase is out of concern that you are overreacting, or unhealthily creating more stress for yourself than you need.
It’s far from that.
You’re overreacting is a gaslighting term commonly used by narcissists to convince you that your feelings don’t matter. They’re not giving them the validation they deserve, or the time to understand and respect them.
Instead, as a toxic move in their game, they’re letting you know that you’re being dramatic (ironic, coming from them).
Over time, that teaches you to just be quieter and to not share how you feel.
Nobody should prevent you from expressing yourself – you must always remember that you matter.
#7 “Trust me.”
Trust? What is life without trust? Do we look to trust those who still harm us and consciously damage us?
We don’t. But we need to think about what this means.
The narcissist is asking for your trust, but in return, is giving you no reason to feel it.
You learn that trust is just a word with no meaning, and your standards are set so low that actually, trust becomes another term for I can do what I want and all I have to do is tell you to trust me.
Like the narcissist – trust here, is meaningless.
