So you’ve got a narcissist in a corner that they know they’re not going to worm their way out of.

The argument is up there, and you’re finding ways to come out on top.

Congratulations!

It’s also a pretty funny moment to watch them be so uncomfortable with your truth, knowing there’s nothing they can do…

…Or is there?

Never put it past a narcissist, that’s all I’m going to say right here! If you want the upper hand, you’ll read on.

Noticing Them Squirming?

It’s a joy to witness, isn’t it? Finally, you’ve got them. You mastered a way to empower yourself in a moment, and you’re not taking it for granted. 

Maybe you’re even witnessing an argument between two people, one of whom is a narcissist. Is it at work? Home? 

It’s so interesting to watch the narcissist squirm as they feel unable to wriggle from the discomfort being placed around them. 

But hey – keep your eyes peeled. You’re going to want to. 

Frustrate Them Off By Pushing For The Win

I like to give as sound advice as I can while remaining professional, but let’s get real for a moment. 

If you’re going to go for the win, you’ve got to understand that you will frustrate them. You have to take it on the chin and go with it anyway.

Let’s say you are right in the middle of an argument that the narcissist is evidently unable to win.

What are you about to experience? What should you expect?

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#1 Breaking Your Boundaries

While your boundaries may be precious to you, they’re worthless to the narcissist. In fact, narcissists see all boundaries people have as challenges.

How can I break the walls down?

I’m exempt from these boundaries.

I have a right to do what I like.

Your feelings don’t matter.

As long as I get my way, everything will be fine.

How dare you try to tell me no?!

The list could go on and on, but the fact remains…

…Your boundaries don’t matter to them.

But they matter to you, right? If they didn’t, you wouldn’t have them. 

So continue to do what feels right for you, even if you feel uncomfortable initially.

You have to keep your boundaries intact, even when the narcissist is literally trying to push them down.

It’s how you survive. 

#2 Cry

And here come the crocodile tears.

The narcissist knows they’re losing in this instance, and they want you to feel sorry for them. They want anybody present to feel the same, too. 

I’m sorry to say that this is a pretty tough consequence of winning, because it won’t really feel like you’ve won at all. 

In fact, all the joy and power you feel from getting the upper hand will be swiped away by the narcissist the moment their bottom lip starts to tremble. 

They know what they’re doing, alright. If you brush their tears off as fake, you look insensitive. If you pander to them, you’re giving them what you want.

You can’t win – which is how they turn the winning around to them.

Crying like this is just a cheap way to get out of a losing battle victorious. 

#3 Guilt is Coming

You feel bad, right? No?

Well, you’re about to, because that guilt trip is coming, and it’s coming hard.

You always seem to know what to say to really upset me.

I never thought you had it in you to be so uncaring.

The one thing that attracted me to you was knowing that you were a kind person, and you’ve just proven to me that you’re not that person at all.

Instinctively, your shoulders will drop, and you’ll see this softer side of the narcissist that you don’t often get to see. 

And there it is, in the middle of your chest.

A guilt pang. 

The thought flutters over your mind.

They’re right. I’m being really unreasonable. Perhaps I should give them the benefit of the out and cut them some slack. Perhaps they didn’t mean to do what they did, and I should listen to their reasons and back down.

Great thoughts, but those thoughts are exactly what the narcissist wants to hear from you. 

#4 Embarrass You? Sure!

If they can make you look like a fool, they will.

Look at this person! They are losing it in front of you all!

Do you see how stupid you’re making yourself look?

My god, you look so ugly when you’re yelling at me.

Listen, it’s going to be whatever it takes to get you to simmer down and stop what you’re doing. 

If it insults you, so what?

If it embarrasses you, good. 

#5 Rage

If in doubt, shout.

That’s the motto every narcissist should have tattooed to their foreheads so we can spot them, right?

It would make life so much easier!

Instead, they don’t. They blend in with us normal folk, and boy do they fool us a lot of the time. 

If you get them to the point where they’re clearly not winning an argument, they’re going to fly their rage your way at rocket speed. 

It’s a distraction, but at the time of rage, it seems as though they’re just trying to make you feel bad.

Don’t make a mistake, it’s also that. But their initial goal is to throw you off the scent of the argument and make it about their rage instead. 

#6 Never Forgive You

The one time you argue, they will never forget. What audacity you have to shout and scream like a toddler.

Now fast forward X amount of time whenever they want to make you feel bad for daring to win an argument.

It’s like that time you…

Remember when…?

I will never forget the look on your face when….

And so it goes. 

Constantly. 

#7 Twist it As An Attack: Poor Me

You’re really upsetting me.

I feel your tone is really quite harsh.

I don’t deserve this. 

I’m a good person.

Oh, listen to them. 

Why don’t you hand them a teeny tiny violin they can play while they’re at it?

#8 Your Name? Mud!

Sure it is!

If anybody mentions your name to the narcissist, they can absolutely ruin you in one s sentence.

It’s never usually insulting, but it can be really cutting, or even pseudo-concerning for you (is. I really hope they get help for what they’re going through). 

It’s how narcissists love to build their ego back up after you damage it, and hey, if they can rip your name through the mud while they do it then bonus narcissist points for them!

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.