If you’re attending a funeral, you’re not going to find much to be happy about.
Losing somebody you love is hard, and having to say goodbye just feels so final and heavy.
Funerals are also an occasion where everybody gathers, and I mean, everybody, narcissists included.
It’s a challenge to share these occasions with people who are so good at altering the atmosphere around them to negative.
In the midst of grief, they still manage to shock everyone, and here are 8 things they do, to do just that.
#1 Make it about themselves
You’d think a sombre occasion such as a funeral will unite people for one reason; the deceased.
After all, it’s all about bidding farewell and, where you can, celebrate their life together.
Marking the occasion with memories, time and attention placed upon their journey before they departed can raise mixed emotions, but ultimately, it’s about them. Why would it be any other way?
Unless, of course, you’ve got a narcissist present in the mix.
They will not hesitate to jump in and make it about them. Every memory they share will be a time the person who passed happened to be there, but the main character in every anecdote will be the narcissist.
Is there ever a moment more worthy of an eye roll than when the narcissist is giving all the energy about themselves into the room?
Is there anything more disrespectful? Well, probably the next 7 points…
#2 Grief: the competition!
Let’s see who can cry harder, shall we? I bet the narcissist will win every single time.
Cue the intermittent wailing of them during the service, or the many more tears shed by them even if they didn’t know the person as well as everybody else.
It’s the perfect time for them to gain sympathy from people and make it more about their loss than the collective loss of everybody in the service.
I always find it hard to see, especially when the grief is so weak and shallow. Authentic grief is so painful to watch, but this is more like watching the latest soap opera.
#3 Create drama
Where there’s a narcissist, there’s bound to be drama. As much as I don’t like to say it, that even includes events such as funerals.
They will bring it because they’ve got it, and they can’t live a day without exuding it onto others.
Remember this is the type of event where everybody gathers, and you may not even like or get along with some of them.
Narcissists might use the excuse that emotions are high, but I think that’s just a pathetic way to think you can get away with causing drama, creating a scene, or further upsetting people who are already struggling with their loss.
#4 Spotlight incoming…
I remember when…
I cannot stand…
I am so shocked that…
Hello, everyone!
Oh, yes, work is better than ever…
The spotlight is always available to the narcissist, according to only the narcissist…
If there’s ever the perfect moment to get that spotlight and shine it brighter than before, it’s when there’s an audience.
Funerals have that, but narcissists fail to remember why everybody has gathered.
It isn’t for them at all, and that’s what makes this act of spotlight hogging so distasteful.
Are we surprised, though? I’m certainly not. I am so aware that this happens and it can really cause upset among the crowds at funerals. It’s not the time or place to be trying it on.
#5 Eulogies that are inappropriate
Eulogies are the perfect parting gift for the dead. It takes a strong person to stand up and command the attention of a room full of very pained people and make it a beautiful moment.
But they are a parting gift for those gone, and a great way to be reminded of their lives and all they achieved and loved within it.
Until, that is, you get a narcissist standing up at the front of the room.
They really know how to make what could have been the best eulogy the most inappropriate.
Stories that make people sigh or roll their eyes instead of smiling wistfully is yet another way the narcissist loves to shock at funerals.
#6 Play the victim
What kind of times is it for anybody to play the victim, let alone at a funeral?
Well, believe it. Nothing is above and beyond the toxic capabilities of a narcissist.
They’re favorite game to garner sympathy is by playing the victim, and that won’t stop just because they happen to be at a very sad event.
Examples of how narcissists can shock everyone to the core by playing victim can include:
I tried everything I could to help them. I just feel terrible.
I should have been better. This is all my fault.
I wish I was stronger in being there for them in life.
I’ve never felt sadder than I do right now.
This is extremely hard for me.
It’s hard for everybody; it’s a funeral. But the attention shouldn’t be off the person who you’re all gathering in memory and honor of, right?
If only the narcissist could ease up on being obsessed with attention just for one day.
If only!
#7 Funeral acts as revenge
In steps the narcissist, to the saddest event in a long time. They’re there solely to get revenge on the deceased, and there are no limits to this.
You know, I’m only here to support friends. This person was not good at all.
They tried to ruin my business, you know.
I know people loved them, but there’s things you need to know.
I can’t tell you how many times they’d send me abuse via text or voice calls.
They were never really present in their relationship.
Heard they cheated.
Are they there to defend themselves? No.
Are they there to clarify the truth? No.
That won’t stop the narcissist from smearing their name at the most disrespectful and inconvenient times imaginable.
#8 Show disrespect
Starting arguments, raising voices, storming off in a huff, tutting and sighing during the service, rolling their eyes obviously when somebody comes up with a funny or positive story about the person who has passed.
These are all clear and obvious signs of disrespect that you should never put past the narcissist.
They will literally do whatever it takes to prove they don’t want to be there and don’t think very highly of the person in question.
It is their hope that it will raise eyebrows.
You must have known a part of them that we didn’t.
Tell us more.
Oh my God, I had no idea they had that side to them.
That’s really sad to hear. I wish I’d have known about this while they were with us.
You must feel so uncomfortable being here.
The shock people will offer will be based on the narcissist’s lies and nothing more.
It’s hardly a fair way to turn up and treat this kind of occasion, yet it will happen, and it will fully take the spotlight away from the moment, and truth behind the person who no longer has a voice.
