So you’ve got a narcissist in a corner that they know they’re not going to worm their way out of.
The argument is up there, and you’re finding ways to come out on top.
Congratulations!
It’s also a pretty funny moment to watch them be so uncomfortable with your truth, knowing there’s nothing they can do…
…Or is there?
Never put it past a narcissist, that’s all I’m going to say right here! If you want the upper hand, you’ll read on.
Noticing Them Squirming?
It’s a joy to witness, isn’t it? Finally, you’ve got them. You mastered a way to empower yourself in a moment, and you’re not taking it for granted.
Maybe you’re even witnessing an argument between two people, one of whom is a narcissist. Is it at work? Home?
It’s so interesting to watch the narcissist squirm as they feel unable to wriggle from the discomfort being placed around them.
But hey – keep your eyes peeled. You’re going to want to.
Piss Them Off By Pushing For The Win
I like to give as sound advice as I can while remaining professional, but let’s get real for a moment.
If you’re going to go for the win, you’ve got to understand that you will piss them off. You have to take it on the chin and go with it anyway.
Let’s say you are right in the middle of an argument that the narcissist is evidently unable to win.
What are you about to experience? What should you expect?
#1 Breaking Your Boundaries
While your boundaries may be precious to you, they’re worthless to the narcissist. In fact, narcissists see all boundaries people have as challenges.
How can I break the walls down?
I’m exempt from these boundaries.
I have a right to do what I like.
Your feelings don’t matter.
As long as I get my way, everything will be fine.
How dare you try to tell me no?!
The list could go on and on, but the fact remains…
…Your boundaries don’t matter to them.
But they matter to you, right? If they didn’t, you wouldn’t have them.
So continue to do what feels right for you, even if you feel uncomfortable initially.
You have to keep your boundaries intact, even when the narcissist is literally trying to push them down.
It’s how you survive.
#2 Cry
And here come the crocodile tears.
The narcissist knows they’re losing in this instance, and they want you to feel sorry for them. They want anybody present to feel the same, too.
I’m sorry to say that this is a pretty tough consequence of winning, because it won’t really feel like you’ve won at all.
In fact, all the joy and power you feel from getting the upper hand will be swiped away by the narcissist the moment their bottom lip starts to tremble.
They know what they’re doing, alright. If you brush their tears off as fake, you look insensitive. If you pander to them, you’re giving them what you want.
You can’t win – which is how they turn the winning around to them.
Crying like this is just a cheap way to get out of a losing battle victorious.
#3 Guilt is Coming
You feel bad, right? No?
Well, you’re about to, because that guilt trip is coming, and it’s coming hard.
You always seem to know what to say to really upset me.
I never thought you had it in you to be so uncaring.
The one thing that attracted me to you was knowing that you were a kind person, and you’ve just proven to me that you’re not that person at all.
Instinctively, your shoulders will drop, and you’ll see this softer side of the narcissist that you don’t often get to see.
And there it is, in the middle of your chest.
A guilt pang.
The thought flutters over your mind.
They’re right. I’m being really unreasonable. Perhaps I should give them the benefit of the out and cut them some slack. Perhaps they didn’t mean to do what they did, and I should listen to their reasons and back down.
Great thoughts, but those thoughts are exactly what the narcissist wants to hear from you.
#4 Embarrass You? Sure!
If they can make you look like a fool, they will.
Look at this person! They are losing it in front of you all!
Do you see how stupid you’re making yourself look?
My god, you look so ugly when you’re yelling at me.
Listen, it’s going to be whatever it takes to get you to simmer down and stop what you’re doing.
If it insults you, so what?
If it embarrasses you, good.
#5 Rage
If in doubt, shout.
That’s the motto every narcissist should have tattooed to their foreheads so we can spot them, right?
It would make life so much easier!
Instead, they don’t. They blend in with us normal folk, and boy do they fool us a lot of the time.
If you get them to the point where they’re clearly not winning an argument, they’re going to fly their rage your way at rocket speed.
It’s a distraction, but at the time of rage, it seems as though they’re just trying to make you feel bad.
Don’t make a mistake, it’s also that. But their initial goal is to throw you off the scent of the argument and make it about their rage instead.
#6 Never Forgive You
The one time you argue, they will never forget. What audacity you have to shout and scream like a toddler.
Now fast forward X amount of time whenever they want to make you feel bad for daring to win an argument.
It’s like that time you…
Remember when…?
I will never forget the look on your face when….
And so it goes.
Constantly.
#7 Twist it As An Attack: Poor Me
You’re really upsetting me.
I feel your tone is really quite harsh.
I don’t deserve this.
I’m a good person.
Oh, listen to them.
Why don’t you hand them a teeny tiny violin they can play while they’re at it?
#8 Your Name? Mud!
Sure it is!
If anybody mentions your name to the narcissist, they can absolutely ruin you in one s sentence.
It’s never usually insulting, but it can be really cutting, or even pseudo-concerning for you (is. I really hope they get help for what they’re going through).
It’s how narcissists love to build their ego back up after you damage it, and hey, if they can rip your name through the mud while they do it then bonus narcissist points for them!
