Did you hear about that time the narcissist told you something that took you by pleasant surprise?
What do you mean no?!
To be fair, you’re right. Narcissists have a strict list of things they never tell a soul. Luckily for you, I happen to have that list.
You can use it as a checklist list against potential narcissists. If they check against every point – you’ll know who you’re dealing with.
So, pens at the ready? Here are 8 things a narcissist will never tell you.
#1 When They’re Wrong
Check!
Narcissists have an internal oath. It reads:
One must never admit to being wrong because one is never wrong.
Such impossibilities to the narcissist are in fact very possible. Everyone is wrong sometimes, but narcissists aren’t everyone. They are their own special kind of reed, above and beyond us mere peasants.
A narcissist could tell you that a circle is a square, and they would not accept anybody challenging them.
If you are so unfortunate as to question their ‘truth,’ their patience will fall down upon you like something from outer space.
Understand that your role is to always be wrong, and you’ll get on just fine.
PS. Don’t understand that. You aren’t always wrong.
#2 What They’re Really Feeling
I feel really insecure about myself.
I wish I was more attractive.
I wish I were you.
I want the life you have.
I treat you so unfairly.
Just apply your imagination to these comments for a moment. Fully digest what could be if a narcissist were just to allow their vulnerabilities or true emotions to spill out.
If they could just stop using anger and resentment as go-to-feelings, wouldn’t everything be so much better?
Newsflash – they aren’t going to do that. Narcissists hide their true feelings through fear of appearing weak. They don’t want you to know they despise themselves. They want you to just do as they say so everyone’s lives are better.
Instead, narcissists enjoy hearing and seeing how you feel, so they can use those things against you.
#3 How Sorry They Are
Narcissists don’t feel sorry about anything, so why would they apologize?
They don’t care enough to stay sorry. Needless to say if they did, they’d be doing one of two things.
- Their apology would be some form of admittance to doing something wrong. Saying sorry means they caused harm and pain.
- Apologizing for something means they’ve lost all control of you. They can’t and won’t have that. By holding on even when they hurt you, they get to hold onto the reins of control for one more day.
#4 That They’re a Narcissist…
I know what you mean when you tell me I have these traits.
I do understand what you’re saying, and you’re right.
I need to take a good, long, hard look at myself.
I cause so much trouble wherever I go.
I’m laughing as I’m typing because, well, it’s so far removed from anything you could hear from a narcissist.
Admitting that they’re a narcissist.
The term narcissism itself carries so many destructive traits with it. Not only are they damaging to others, but they can really change lives. People cut contact with family and friends. Whole identities crumble after being in a narcissistic relationship. Sometimes, it can take years of therapy to get over.
Not one single narcissist is going to admit to being the cause of those things by stating their true selves.
#5 Their Secrets
You don’t have to be a narcissist to have secrets, but secrets don’t have to be bad. They can be embarrassing, or funny, or romantic. They can also be negative, such as causing harm, cheating on your spouse in the past and so on.
Usually, we are happy to delve into our secrets with trusted people. We can even open up to therapists in a confidential setting. Telling those people things we haven’t told anyone before can help us discover who we really are. It can also help us heal the past or explore why our internal patterns exist.
Narcissists will keep their mouths shut. If one was to enter therapy, they would purposely withhold important things about them. The idea would be so the therapist doesn’t dig deeper where their secrets are.
Therapists don’t look at their clients with perfect or imperfect eyes. People are human, and humans go through experiences.
Wherever a narcissist is found – their secrets are usually under lock and key.
Nobody can know the truth.
#6 The Truth
Speaking of…
The truth is denied in the mind of a narcissist. Running late? They were stuck in traffic, not watching the third series of that TV show.
Not listening to you? They have a headache. They weren’t ‘not interested.’
You see where I’m going with this. The narcissist withholds the truth because the truth doesn’t always put them in a positive light. Sometimes it’s gnarly and makes them look pretty bad, but they won’t have that.
Instead, they’ll polish over it with fakery and lies to appease you and maintain their perfect image.
#7 “It Was My Fault”
Wait, did they just say those four shocking words.
Of course they didn’t , it must be my ears playing up!
For a moment, I thought I heard the narcissist say, “It was my fault.”
Nope.
The reason I didn’t hear it, is because it’s a phrase no narcissist will ever tell me, or you, or anybody.
Admitting they did something wrong will do much harm to the image they work incredibly hard to maintain.
If someone out there knows the narcissist has slipped up, then from that moment, they’ll have that attached to them.
Remember that time they did this terrible thing? They did, because they told me it was their fault.
You know when they cheated on you? I know, because they told me it was their fault your relationship ended.
No – never happens.
Narcissists are perfect. They won’t have you tell the world anything was their fault.
And they won’t say it either.
Wait a Minute…
Before you think you have the narcissist’s tricks locked down… there’s something you need to know…
#8 Be Prepared to Hear All The Above!
What? Hear you ask.
Make it make sense!
Okay.
You can, on occasions, take the first seven points, and throw them in the trash.
Hear me out!
Narcissists are the most deceitful people alive. They will do whatever it takes to keep you hooked. They don’t want to lose you because you offer such a special kind of supply that they enjoy stealing from you.
So… with that said…
A narcissist will apologize. They will say it was their fault. They will tell you what they’re feeling. They will tell you the truth. They will hold their hands up and say when they’re wrong. They will tell you their secrets. They will even tell you they’re a narcissist.
WHY?!
Because they know that by showing you a little bit of their vulnerable side, you will feel sorry for them, you will cut them some slack. You’ll give them one more chance. You’ll forgive time and time and time again.
Number 8 is a trick. Narcissists don’t come with a soft center, so don’t be enticed by their selling of it.
