Repeat after me:
Narcissists are liars who intend to cause harm whenever the opportunity arises.
Whether you knew that or not, the fact remains. At some point or another, you’re going to experience that harm all the while you let the narcissist be in your life.
This isn’t about getting even, or getting revenge. The key is to remain switched on and smart to their ways.
If you can do that, you’re going to win this war, once and for all.
You Can Feel it Bubbling Away
All you want is a peaceful life, but it’s never that easy, is it?
The bubbling away of the false accusation rears its ugly head every time you step out of line in the narcissist’s eyes.
They treat you like you’re a child, one that should abide by their rules at all times.
They don’t want to see you happy, they don’t wish to hear about your achievements. They just long for your downfall.
In accusing you, they’re holding the window open so you can fall freely out of it.
Now is when you act smart, not fast.
There are ways, and I want you to try to remember as many as you can for that inevitable moment.
#1 Rise Above
The first smart way to handle any false accusation is to know that rising above it will help you see more clearly.
Imagine you’re stuck in storm clouds. It’s dark and moody, you can’t see beyond the end of your nose.
The higher you go, the more likely it is you’ll start to eventually break from those clouds and see blue skies.
As soon as you do, everything becomes calm and clear.
You can think again, and you’re above the chaos you were once lost in.
This is exactly the same thing. The conflict is the chaos, and the darkness is the narcissist’s aura.
If you can rise above what they’re trying to do to you, you will become untouchable.
This is about opening your eyes and awakening to reality.
#2 Refuse to Engage
I see what you’re doing, and I refuse to get drawn in like I usually would.
Similar to rising above, you’re making a conscious effort to not give the narcissist the words they want to hear from you.
This can be you saying:
I’m not playing this game with you.
I see what you’re doing, and it isn’t going to work.
I am not having this conversation with you, so you can have it by yourself..
Never include defending yourself in the refusal to engage. They want you to protest your innocence so it can appear that you’re begging for them to hear you out.
Don’t give them the satisfaction, trust me, it will backfire and create more conflict.
#3 Live Your Best Life
If a narcissist is accusing you of something you know you didn’t do, let them.
It’s challenging for those who don’t want their name unnecessarily dragged through the mud, but it will do you good in the long run.
Living your best life is pretty much the best revenge you can have on any narcissist who has tried to damage you.
If you’re bypassing their toxicity and giving yourself the chance to thrive, there’s literally nothing they can do to hold you back.
The best revenge is success, and that is one of my all time favorite quotes due to its power and accuracy.
The best revenge is success.
#4 Don’t Run Away
Running away sends a few messages out into the world.
The first is that you’re scared. You’re intimidated by the lies and accusations falling out of the narcissist’s mouth. This gives them nothing but control, and allows them to walk all over you.
The second is that you’re making yourself look guilty for something you evidently haven’t done.
While I also don’t encourage overly-defending yourself to the point where you are the aggressor, I do urge you to stand your ground in the space of innocence that you deserve to be in.
#5 Handle it With Grace
Just let it happen.
Be mindful of who you’re taking to and dealing with. Let people know that you have done nothing wrong. Smile. Live your life. Continue with every plan you already had without the fear of backing out or shying away.
Try changing the subject, or getting some fresh air on your own. The idea is that you react in the kind of way that would make your great aunt proud of you.
It doesn’t have to be a constant war of words, just like the narcissist wants it to be.
Don’t let the narcissist win.
#6 Watch The Decline
I always like to offer this as a pearl of wisdom for those who feel like they’re endlessly stuck in a cycle they can’t get out of.
The narcissist will crumble eventually. They will fall apart. Their stories will begin to not make sense, and their timeline will fail to match up.
Yes, it takes time, and yes you need patience. But those accusations are going to fall back into their own laps, and it will happen naturally and in a way that will leave you feeling triumphant.
I can only advise you to order front row seats, get yourself a large popcorn, and watch the show unfold.
#7 Use What You Know For Next Time
Keep track, that’s all I am asking you to do.
I know it seems like a lot to think about, but patterns are so important when it comes to a narcissist.
You will see certain moments and certain moods come together, so when you’re in either of those, you can often piece together what’s going on.
It’s how we learn, and I know it might seem like I’m sending you to school, but this is the school of life.
Doing this will lead to evidence, right?
When you find out what you already know, you can build up a little book of evidence.
I don’t want you to throw it at the narcissist, but it is good for you when they try to gaslight you, you have the facts written down and ready to reaffirm them to yourself.
Evidence will keep the insanity from knocking on your door.
You know, evidence is also handy if you ever get to the point where you need to jump into legal proceedings.
I hope it doesn’t get that far for you, but sadly it does for many victims.
They won’t stop until they’ve done what they need to do to punish you. If you can, defend yourself.
#8 Don’t Cry in Public
Never let them see they’ve got to you. It’s your reactions that are worth their weight in gold.
Without them, you’re starving the narcissist of the satisfaction they’re hunting you down for.
Crying in public also may make you look as though you’re exhausted and weak from it all, putting a bit of a target on your back.
Are you crying because you got caught? The narcissist will certainly paint that picture.
Your tears may come from a genuine place, but if the narcissist is going to lay down their narcissistic traits for all to see, they will only end up being used against you.
And no, it’s not right.
