When you kiss goodbye to the narcissist for the very last time, there’s an air of lightness around.
It’s good for you, as you dance merrily into your new chapter without them. The freedom is unmatched.
But for the narcissistic ex, there are going to be signs they’re still loitering around like a bad smell on a hot day.
These signs may not be all obvious to you – but they are ever present nonetheless.
What are they exactly?
Well, I’m glad you asked!
Wouldn’t it Be Nice…
If the narcissist was really over you and moving on, then that’s when the party can really start.
Unfortunately, it’s not the case for most, as they simply cannot let go.
They’re not done toying with your emotions, and instead, they want one last hurrah to send you spiralling.
We don’t live in a perfect world. Instead, we live in one we must aim to survive in.
What ‘Over You’ Means
Because the last thing I want to do is confuse you.
When I say over you, what I really mean is over what you offer the narcissist.
This isn’t about love. They’re not ‘not over you.’ They aren’t remaining in love, and unable to see life without you because they thought you were The One.
This leans more to the things you did for them. How easy you were to manipulate. How forgiving you were. How good it was to know they could control you.
Getting over not having that in their life will be tough.
The narcissist’s signs of that are painfully obvious.
#1 Random check-ins
Just a little…
Maybe just one…
It couldn’t hurt to…
Oh, hi. It’s just…
NO. No, no, and no again.
What feels random to you, is far more calculated for the narcissist. They’ve plotted, planned, and gone over it all a thousand times.
Random check ins like this are only designed to catch you off-guard so you have no idea what to say or how to act.
And the kind person you are will of course be willing to give them time and let them do whatever it is they’re trying to do.
Which leads me back to…
NO!
#2 Social media stalking
A little look at your profile (if you still have them on there, in which case can I take this time to say block).
For the narcissist, old habits die hard. They don’t want you to go anywhere, and they’re so used to your supply and presence that they will still check up on you on social media.
They want to know if you’re suffering without them, or thriving. They will kind of want to see both, because if you’re thriving, they can find ways to try to ruin it.
My advice would be the block and lock method.
Block them, and lock your profiles online down to private so they can’t be tempted to set up a ghost profile and watch you from afar.
That goes for all suspected moles, too! Block and lock.
#3 The talk about you is bad
You hear it through the grapevine, and you try to ignore it, but you feel a level of injustice when your name is mentioned.
You know you’ve done nothing wrong, and this is why so many victims struggle post-relationship.
It’s likely you’ve started to do all the research on narcissism, or even sought out therapy.
You’ve learned it’s not your fault, but simultaneously, you’re still having to deal with the negative talk about you.
It’s really difficult to get out of that level of unbalance, but the key is reiteration.
Knowing that you weren’t to blame is how you then become more self-assured.
And any talk you happen to overhear, can be overcome just by believing that you are the good guy in all of this.
All the bad talk does is prove that the narcissist isn’t yet over you.
#4 Victim mode activated
What are you hearing through the grapevine? Is the narcissist serving everybody they know a side order of their own violin?
Don’t be surprised if this is the case – it’s what they do in order to gain sympathy from people.
I was so happy.
They were the one for me.
I did everything I could.
I just wanted it to work.
I saw forever in their eyes.
I tried my best to make sure I was a loving partner.
It will be like this, and more. In fact, the thicker the phrases, the better.
I don’t want you to take any responsibility for what the narcissist says during these kinds of times.
They will lie through their teeth if it means people feel sorry for them and anger toward you.
It’s just a childish sign that they aren’t over you.
#5 Jealousy attempts
If you’ve started a new relationship, prepare for the narcissist to crop up in random places they know you’ll be with them. You might receive texts saying things like:
I hope they know what they’re letting themselves in for.
It’ll never last.
They will never love you.
So on and on. They want to plant doubt in your mind, to make you feel you already aren’t good enough before you’ve even given it a good shot at working.
They don’t really want you, but they aren’t over the end of your relationship, and the thought of seeing you alone brings them satisfaction.
#6 Inside jokes and old memories surface
Watch out for being tagged on social media, or having texts come through.
Screenshots of old photos, songs, places you’ve been together, things you’ve done, adventures you’ve had – anything.
Old jokes will surface and be sent to you to make you feel that pull.
Don’t allow the pull to move you back in time.
#7 They reach out to your people
Danger!
WARNING!
THE NARCISSIST SUDDENLY WANTS TO BE A PART OF THE INNER CIRCLE.
What for?!
This is pretty bad news unless you know how to deal with it. By that, I mean you have to be a few steps ahead.
Warn your friends and family this may happen, and tell them to keep their distance and form boundaries wherever possible.
You have to protect more than just yourself.
#8 They act like they’re over it, but it’s too much
Protesting too much, are we?
That’s because the narcissist wants to cover up their hurt with pride.
They will act like they don’t care at all, but they will turn that volume to max – making it obvious they really have had their nose put out of joint when you left.
If you’re seeing your narcissistic ex like this, the chances are they’re still likely to want to be a part of your life for some time yet.
That’s not your problem though. It just goes to show how insecure they are about the thought of having to be alone now that you’re gone and you’ve taken your supply with you.
It’s no different to seeing them leave the door open for you in case you return.
The cycle of abuse does this a lot to victims, but the only thing you can do is give yourself time to prove that you don’t need them in your life…
….The attachment was manipulated and manmade by them to keep you close.
