The double-life you dread happening and convince yourself is impossible for your narcissistic partner to carry out I’m afraid, is totally possible – even probable.
And you know something is off. There are so many gaps in your relationship that make no sense at all, and hide the potential that he is hiding so much.
Could it just be that he’s living this second life without you?
If you want signs that he is, look out for these 8 – and you just might get the shock of your life.
#1 His Phone Has More Security Than Buckingham Palace
Before, you might have noticed his phone was just left lying around like it didn’t matter what was on it.
Not that you used to pick it up, but it was there, no conscience needed because nothing was wrong.
Now it’s a different story. The narcissist has started to add biometrics to their phone, and not because they have valuable information on it!
There are passwords on top of pins, facial recognition on top of fingerprints.
Why?
The simple answer is that they’ve got something to hide, and I hate to say it, but that does include a double life.
It might not seem totally doable to you, but trust me, if a narcissist wants to do something, they’ll stop at nothing to achieve it.
You see the phone, face down and silent and as soon as they move, the phone moves with them.
They’re good at sucking you in, too. The one time it’s left out, it will be on airplane mode so nothing can come through anyway. Isn’t that just a great big coincidence?
#2 He Is Late Again With No Explanation
Time and time again, you wait for him to just be home on time. It isn’t too much to ask, yet according to them, you’re asking for the world.
He isn’t just ten minutes late, he is a few hours late every single time, with nothing but pathetic excuses to offer you.
They pacify you for a little while, but it soon becomes apparent that you’re being led astray, and something much deeper and more serious is going on.
The familiar shrug. “Yeah, work ran late, so what? Do you want the bills paid, or not?”
Suddenly, it’s about your intolerance for everything he’s supposedly sacrificing for you.
If he can’t be bothered to give you a bit of a heads up, then it’s because he wants you to be kept in the dark.
He doesn’t feel you’re owed anything, and that you should just put up and shut up.
So, where was he really?
#3 Take a Look at Those Bank Statements and Receipts
Those expensive dinners where you weren’t present? I’d say that’s a good enough reason alone to suspect he’s leading a double life right under your nose.
He visited a hotel in the city, and you were at home scrolling Netflix for a movie you haven’t seen.
You notice a subscription on the statement that you know you don’t use under that roof.
So what’s going on? What’s the explanation for it?
The money trail will lead you somewhere, and once you get to that destination, you will see exactly what his secret life looks like.
#4 If You Raise Suspicions, He Raises His Game of Love
So, you’ve started asking questions, have you? Well, that’s funny because that was right around the time the narcissist started raising his game. Suddenly, you’re getting all this attention and all the gifts.
What this really means is panic mode has been activated, and this is his way of manipulating you back into a silence that will mean he can continue to live this double life you’ve started to unravel.
Will it work? That depends if you let it.
#5 No Straight Answers!
The direct approach seems to leave him baffles, and rightly so! If he’s a liar, he’s going to find it difficult to worm his way out of what you have to say.
Don’t let him dumb you down. If you suspect and have the evidence, he should be man enough to admit his infidelities.
Yet you end up going round and round in circles, and you walk away no better off. If he were innocent, why did it come to this? Surely a yes or no would be sufficient?
Nope. He dodged your questions like they were bullets. That in itself is reason enough to be suspicious.
#6 His Social Media Accounts Treat You Like a Ghost
When you check his social media accounts, something very clear is happening.
The pattern that you’re noticing that you’re being erased. Slowly, yet surely, photos of you disappear, posts about doing things together close up, and he acts like he’s single.
Remember, if he’s leading a double life, he’s expecting that person to be watching their accounts.
He needs to look as though he’s available to them, which is why you’re hidden and denied access to him online.
This is a pretty big indicator, by the way.
#7 He Has a Glow Up Out of Nowhere
What’s happening?
The guy you knew cared a little about his appearance, but this is a whole new level.
Suddenly, he is stopping at nothing to look perfect. He wants to have regular haircuts. He’s joined a gym. The clothes he wears are completely different to usual, and he is suddenly interested in smelling nice.
What version have you had all this time? A version that was decent, but not to this extreme.
It’s a real red flag, and one to definitely watch out for. He is using this opportunity to inspire somebody new, and the transformation he’s undergoing shouldn’t be bypassed; it needs your attention because it’s a very large sign that he’s leading a double life you know nothing about.
Of course, he will deny it as much as he can – that’s what they all do!
#8 The Good Old Fashioned Work Conference
Bye! See you when I get back from my non-existent work conference this weekend!
Right. You’ve heard it before, and he’s been working that job for fifteen years, and suddenly there are work conferences? Come on.
He’s likely at a hotel with his second lady, and he’s pretending he’s been forced to attend something he doesn’t even want to be a part of.
You’re at home taking care of everything. The bills are being paid, the kids are taken care of, there’s food in the fridge, and he’s off with somebody else who doesn’t even know you exist.
Work is the perfect cover story to get away, as he knows you won’t question it, but deep down, you don’t need to. You know it’s out of the ordinary, and you’ve had to tolerate a lie that is just too big.
It’s times like this I would urge you to trust your gut and follow your instincts because they’re there for a good reason.
They’re telling you truths that he just won’t ever do, which is what you need to start listening to.
Trust that you’re being lied to, and start to live a life without his indiscretions hovering over you.
