You meet the narcissist and are introduced to their family, but something huge is off.
It’s as if you are standing before a team of people who are all unwilling and unable to see the kind of person the narcissist really is.
The more time you spend with this toxic person, the more you see how much their family protects them at all costs. Never trust any of them.
But why? I’ve got 8 reasons right here.
#1 They protect image, not truth
It’s a sad reality that in narcissistic families, appearances and images matter more than reality.
If the image is intact, the narcissist is happy. When the real dynamic is revealed and toxicity spills over into the public’s view and knowledge, it’s game over for the narcissist .
This is why the entire family has been ushered into a subconscious silence; they want to pretend they’re all perfect, and that no fault lies at their doorstep.
This can involve denying abuse, rewriting history, and even throwing you into the firepit if it means they avoid it.
The illusion sticks, and the narcissist wants everything kept under wraps. You can’t trust anybody who supports this.
#2 They know the narcissist only rewards loyalty, not honesty
The family of a narcissist learns the rules very quickly.
Do as I say, or I will punish you. Speak up, and you will feel the wrath of my rage. Stay loyal, and I just might spare you the pain.
Silence therefore isn’t due to no abuse occurring, but a currency for those who play ball.
A family who values this kind of treatment over the truth should never fully be trusted, after all, they are willing to live a lie just to keep the peace.
Over speaking up about abuse, manipulation, lies and control?
This is a red flag, so avoid them.
#3 Manipulation is normal to them
Manipulation is fair game to any narcissist, and quickly becomes a normal part of their everyday life.
If outsiders could see, know and understand the truth, they would be shocked, yet within the family system involving a narcissist, manipulation is normal.
From gaslighting, to guilt-tripping, these aren’t seen as abusive as such, but rather just part of the status quo.
It’s just how things work in this family.
It’s just how it is.
It’s how it’s always been.
Dysfunction shouldn’t be a baseline, it should be eradicated altogether.
If you are surrounded by people who overlook manipulation, or don’t want to admit at all that this is happening in their own family dynamic, then trusting them would be a big mistake.
#4 They fear being ‘next’
If you stand up for yourself with a narcissist, prepare for them to put a great big target on your back and punish you for it.
Families of narcissists see this going on with other people, and it makes them take a giant step back from any kind of confrontation.
They see what the outcome is when a narcissist is challenged, and they don’t want to live and suffer on the fate of that same hill. For them, it just isn’t worth it.
You will be the sacrificial lamb instead, and they’re happy for you to walk to the metaphorical slaughter.
Fearing being next just proves that they’re willing to ignore all the abuse, choosing a life of peace, quiet and obedience instead.
#5 They think the narcissist’s control is love
Let me tell you one thing, control is not care. Nobody can care all the while they have strings attached to that person, pulling and pushing them to suit their own agenda.
This isn’t love, it’s not affection, nor is it having the person’s best interests at heart.
Narcissists know this, but they live by the rule:
If you are in my family, I am in charge.
Domination is seen as protection, but when you repackage it like that, it’s easy to fool others on the outside.
Abuse shouldn’t be how a person shows love, and if you are within that kind of situation, I urge you to see that there’s nothing healthy about assuming any of it resembles love.
It doesn’t and it never will. Anybody who disagrees shouldn’t be trusted.
#6 Supporting the narcissist equals gain
Where there’s a narcissistic family, there’s always some kind of payoff. If you want that loan and you do as you’re told, you can have it.
If you want the status that goes along with knowing them, it’s all yours. If you even just want peace, just play along, smile, and act like nothing is wrong.
Supporting you brings a risk to the family and their individual reputations, and that’s why they will be hesitant. Don’t rock the boat, and you will be fine.
The choice really is that simple for people who put what benefits them over having any kind of backbone.
I find it chilling that anybody on earth is willing to support a narcissist, knowing full well the kind of person they are and have the potential to be.
Asking the family to see it is even worse.
#7 Peace for health: big mistake
If you look closely into families who have a narcissist lurking in the midst, you’ll notice how much they convince themselves that avoiding conflict is good for their health. They think:
If I keep quiet and let things slide, then I don’t have to deal with the mental and physical ripple effect.
It’s for purely selfish reasons, and probably ones they’ve previously learned the hard way but narcissistic family members are wanting peace and quiet; they don’t want to get into the drama.
Less stress, less arguments, meaning all their days become a lot smoother, too.
There is a cost to that peace though, right? The cost is that silence feeds the narcissist, and encourages them to continue to be overtly abusive and dominant within their role.
The idea that ignoring the toxicity is purely for selfish reasons really is something to worry yourself about.
#8 Doubt everybody else: the ultimate in programming
You, the victim, must be lying, or at the very least, exaggerating your stories in order to cause trouble. The family sees through it, you know, and they just want you gone.
What’s lurking behind this premise is that they have been totally brainwashed to believe that the narcissist is the real victim, and the actual victim is trying to stir the pot.
Once this belief is installed in the minds of the family, the system is automatically protected.
It’s like a rulebook that becomes binding; and you aren’t able to change a single word in it.
Is that the kind of dynamic you’d want to trust? Do you think it’s wise to apply any kind of faith in a family who is so programmed to believe what the narcissist wants them to?
It’s hard to admit the truth here, but you’d be fighting a lost cause if you feel prepared to take them on in the name of honesty.
