Narcissists are often mistaken for only liking or being attracted to quiet, agreeable kinds of women.
You smile and put everybody else before you, and it can be a toxic person’s dream.
But we don’t talk often enough about strong, independent women. They are actually loved by narcissists, especially initially.
I want to break down 8 reasons why that’s the case, and when I do, everything will make so much more sense.
#1 Strong women are a challenge
Boy, do narcissists love a challenge. I know you’re probably thinking, “wait a hot minute. I thought they loved an easy ride.”
If they can help it, everything would run smoothly, but to overpower the strength of an independent woman puts their level of power and control on a high like never before.
Strong women are a proper catch. They are the lottery win of the dating world.
The challenge is a turn on for the narcissist, who only feels alive when they are trying to tear somebody else down.
If that somebody else was once a strong capable woman who has now become a shadow of her former self, that’s beautiful for a narcissist.
It’s quite sobering, isn’t it? I don’t know if you ever fit that description before you met your narcissist, but I assure you, the moment you leave them, you will be able to build your life back up again.
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#2 They make the narcissist look even better
What is better for the image than having somebody so strong and sure of themselves on your arm? Well, I can think of a few things, but I’m not a narcissist, so let’s frame it differently.
What could a person so full of self-loathing, fear and insecurity possibly want from a woman who is successful, popular and strong; somebody who can more than take care of herself?
They want whatever she’t got, even if that means stealing it.
Strong women make the narcissist look great. They make them look as though they’re respectful enough to allow their woman to live how she wants, and thrive in it. It’s the opposite of an abuser, right?
If nobody suspects, nobody can point fingers.
#3 They want to control somebody powerful
All narcissists get off on controlling their victim, but for those toxic people, there’s something slightly more to be said when that control is pulled from somebody more powerful than other women.
Strength, success, power, connections, confidence; they are all up for grabs, and the narcissist is going to swipe them all.
Watching a powerhouse crumble is much more satisfying to them than watching something (in their eyes) smaller fall down.
This house of cards effect will give them all the validation they need that they still have that ability to knock down those who seem unshakable.
It’s worrying to think this is how narcissists operate, but it’s one hell of a reason as to why they can be drawn to strong women.
The more independent they are, the better it is to see their identity erode and fall into the abusive hands of the narcissist.
#4 They use a strong woman’s achievements for their own success
Well, of course, you got there because I helped you.
I know you did most of the work, but I helped you get to the interview.
You did so well. I am so pleased I was there to make it easier for you.
Your success is my success, right?
Wrong! It bothers me so much that a strong, independent woman can’t take credit for her own achievements without her narcissistic, jealous boyfriend coming along and claiming victory.
They just can’t stand the fact that they have to work on their own successes, and if they fail, it’s on them.
#5 They get more pleasure breaking down a strong person
Narcissists derive so much more pleasure from breaking down a strong woman because it validates their fragile ego they carry around with them.
When they manage to emotionally dismantle someone resilient, it feels like proof of their power and dominance; like they’re actually perfect at everything.
And it’s the challenge itself that excites them; the idea of conquering then breaking someone who seems unbreakable boosts their self-esteem far more than manipulating an easy target, and that’s why they love to do it.
It’s like an emotional trophy hunt, right? Reinforcing their belief that they can control even the most self-assured person ticks all their power boxes.
The disturbing part is, it’s not about the person they break. It’s more about feeding their endless need for validation at the expense of another.
#6 Their stability makes the narcissist look less chaotic
Strong women are so stable, and their independence makes them even more so. So what does that do to the narcissist?
It makes them look less chaotic, too! Remember, they’re looking for people to complement them, not make them look crazy or controlling.
Strong women fit that bill perfectly, allowing the narcissist to appear more composed, and a more generally respectable person.
Don’t you think it’s pretty sick that they think about their relationships this deeply? It’s not about love or affection, it’s about who works for them at that moment in time.
Narcissists need that emotional anchor and almost a social shield, too. But it’s all an illusion. It’s all about who can play the game the best, and how the narcissist can control that.
#7 Strong women attract admiration: bingo!
Who embodies confidence, independence and authenticity more than a strong woman who knows her worth?
Nobody! These are the kinds of qualities that command respect and inspire others, and that is right where the narcissist wants to fit in.
Strong women don’t need to compete, they simply lead by example. Isn’t that just perfect for the narcissist?
Imagine having somebody like that on your arm, as the world assumes they too, are just like the woman described.
Admiration for a strong woman doesn’t come from what they achieve, it’s how they carry themselves.
There’s grace and courage tied up in the most sought-after package, and the narcissist wants to be a huge part of it.
#8 Access to money, resources, connections
I think this is probably the most disturbing of all, because it really shows how low a narcissist will go in order to get what they want.
The fact that a strong woman is usually doing absolutely fine in all the departments that matter to the narcissist makes them undeniably attractive.
- They earn money
- They have great connections with people who are also pretty rich or high in status
- They have real resources. From actual money to the house, the car, the business plans, the skills and the experience
In other words, they’re capable, and the narcissist knows it. What does that spell out for them in their toxic world?
It spells out opportunity, and the possibility of really making something themselves under the innocent guise of the strong woman who suspects nothing.
If this isn’t worrying enough, a narcissist won’t hesitate to dump anybody once they’ve got their foot in the door they want, revealing just the kind of person they really are.
