For those of you who have to live or spend a lot of time with a narcissist, that little bit of peace is crucial, right? You crave it!
Well, I hate to say it, but even that fragment of peace can be disturbed or totally ruined by these toxic people.
They just cannot let you enjoy yourself for one moment, as much as you want to.
Why is that?
I have 8 reasons why right here.
#1 They don’t want the attention off them
What’s the night out in aid of? Have you been looking forward to something other than the narcissist?
If so, you’re asking for trouble. You’ve made this night the center of your attention, which means you’ve taken out the narcissist from the equation.
Your peaceful night has been an occasion that’s made you excited, but why has this overshadowed the excitement you feel about the narcissist?
It’s largely pathetic that they can’t just let the night happen, have fun, and join you or encourage you to have this peaceful night.
Expect drama, stress, yelling, or even the silent treatment because you’re going.
#2 They hate you having fun
Fun isn’t exactly something that comes naturally to a narcissist. Sure, they act well and can seem like they’re having fun.
But they will never truly let go and be vulnerable to the moment. For them, that’s giving away too much weakness, which is what they’re keen to avoid.
So to see you waiting and ready to have fun and let your hair down for whatever reason, you can forget them accepting that with no repercussions.
Your fun is the envy of the narcissist.
And your peace is something they actively seek out to destroy.
#3 They’re jealous of everybody else
Who are you going with? How long have you known them? How well do you know them? Are they married? Do you text them? Are they attractive?
So many questions the narcissist wants to know the answers to, but I doubt very much you will get them strung out at you in that way.
Remember – they are too proud to show their jealous side, but it will manifest in other ways, such as criticizing how you look and making you not feel like wanting to go.
Doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? This is the norm for the narcissist, who just wants to ensure that your peaceful night is anything but peaceful.
This is how victims are never actually able to access the part of their nervous system that can switch off that fight-or-flight for longer than a few minutes.
#4 They’re watching what you spend
How much is this night going to cost?
Is this going to be a regular occurrence?
Do you know how high the bills are right now?
Have you seen the price of the drinks there?
Are you really treating yourself to all these face masks?
The questions will come thick and fast, but they will all circle around the fact that the narcissist wants to control how much you are spending.
And your money being spent isn’t actually the problem, it’s the fact that you’re doing something without them, or for your own peace that is the issue.
Money is the weapon they’re using against you, and it would be within your interests to ignore them.
This is financial abuse!
#5 They want to chip away at your happiness
Your happiness should be top of your list of things you maintain in life, and if you’re with somebody who loves you, they should be in agreement.
You want the person you choose to be with to be loved, but that doesn’t happen at the most random times with narcissists.
When you want a little peace, they will sabotage it like you wouldn’t believe. When you want to go somewhere for you, the narcissist will make it all about them.
But they do it in the most covert of ways!
I don’t feel great. Can we leave early?
I feel really uncomfortable here, I think I might call it a night.
I wish we just stayed home. I’ve got things on my mind.
You’ll want to reach out and understand what’s going on with them, even though they will just be pleased your attention is on them.
As a result, your happiness declines. You sacrifice what means something to you because of the fuss the narcissist creates, and they celebrate inwardly because they’ve won – yet again.
#6 To keep you on edge
I am asked by victims of narcissistic abuse so often this one question:
Why can’t I just relax?
When I start painting the picture of what they’ve been through with their abuser over time, the muddle starts to become clear.
All those times they refused to let me enjoy life in the most subtle of ways.
All those times they manipulated what I enjoy, so that I don’t actually end up doing anything I like.
These are kinds of realizations I get to hear, as the pieces of the puzzle slot together.
You couldn’t relax then, and you can’t relax now because they programmed you to always be on edge, waiting for the next time they play up.
Being kept on edge like this is one of the worst ways to live your life, and you wish things were different, but of course, there’s much undoing to be done before you get there.
#7 To remind you who’s boss
Rarely will you hear a narcissist tell you that they’re the boss, unless they are so overt that they really don’t care what people think of them.
In general, it’s far more common for them to want to look like a fine, upstanding person, while manipulating other narratives.
Take a peaceful night out, for example. Narcissists, if they don’t want you to enjoy it, will make it all about them, without asking for any of the attention directly.
Being unwell is a classic example. If you’re having a restful time, they don’t want to see you looking too happy and letting go a little.
As far as they’re concerned, they want to see you fall down as much as possible.
#8 To make you think you’ve done something wrong
I hate this one, but I know it heavily exists in the memories of victims everywhere.
The constant feeling that you’ve done something wrong. The air is thick with guilt, without you even knowing what that guilty feeling is connected to.
All you know is the narcissist loves to put everything on you. Moving even deeper into this, narcissists will even accuse you of doing something wrong, even if you’re totally innocent.
This is no mistake, and it always seems to occur at the times where you have one foot out the door, or you’re already enjoying an evening of peace and calm.
Perhaps you earned it after a hard week.
Perhaps they see your opportunity to unwind and refuse it of you, keeping your nervous system waiting for the next moment to overload.
Let me be the first to answer this honestly: you’ve done nothing wrong at all.
