8 Reasons Why Good People Fall For Narcissists

Good people like you often fall for narcissists. It’s no accident, believe me. Narcissists are charming and confident and know exactly how to reel you in. 

They make you feel special and all kinds of irreplaceable. Scratch beneath the surface, though, and you’ll find manipulation hard at work. 

So, why do these kind and compassionate people get caught in this toxic web?

There are deeper reasons why good-hearted folk are drawn to narcissists, and I’ve got the top 8 right here.

Drawing You In

I’m not going to blame or guilt you for falling for a narcissist. 

Their ability to draw their victims puts the strongest magnets to shame, so I understand that by the time you have fallen, a lot of damage has already been done. 

Hope vs. Reality

Everybody enters relationships with hopes and dreams. There is a desired outcome that you want to see appear, but it never does where narcissists are concerned. 

The reality is much less attractive.

You Want The Best, Get The Worst

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best. I think it’s safe to say we all want a loving and healthy relationship.

Narcissists build that up for us, and draw the picture of what you and them could be.

But they never tell you that the picture is an illusion. A fantasy designed always be that little bit out of your reach. 

8 Reasons Why Good People Fall For the Narcissist…

So let’s get into why you, the good person, falls for the narcissist, and why it’s always never your fault. 

#1 The Charmer!

Good people like to see the good in others. Initially, a narcissist’s charm looks innocent enough.

A thoughtful gift, a dozen red roses, the open and willing ways they listen to your problems while secretly taking notes of all the ways you’re vulnerable…

Good people will take it that way if it can appear innocent. 

It’s enough for anybody to fall, isn’t it? 

Wow, they really know how to listen to me.

I feel I can be myself around them.

They ask me about my past, and want to make sure I am happy.

I love it when they smile at me and make me feel special. I haven’t really felt that way in a long time.

Healthy people want to listen to you, too. They want to take you out and tell you that you’re special.

The difference is, this happens on a smaller scale, over a longer period of time, and is met with consistency and care. 

It’s only time that reveals the error of falling for a complete charmer.

#2 Because You’re So Patient

Taking their behavior and excusing it is commonplace for victims of narcissistic abuse.

You see exactly what’s going on, and you sweep it under the carpet. Not because you necessarily want to forget about it, but…

…You don’t want the hassle that comes with dragging up issues. You know drama will unfold, as the narcissist accuses you of wanting to cause trouble, or become angry with you for even raising any issue.

Over time, you learn to keep quiet to keep the peace. 

This is a whole different kind of patience that can actually make you feel terrible over time. 

You’re a good person. You hate conflict.

#3 Empathy Wins

Falling for the sob stories is a way for the narcissist to allow you to be at their beck and call. 

They know you’ll drop everything to be by their side if they need you. You listen to them when emotions run high because you feel like, in some weird way, you’re helping them – and that you’ll be thanked for it.

You’ll never be thanked. Five minutes later, you can still somehow make it to their bad books. 

#4 The Highs…The Lows

Save the rollercoaster ride for the theme park, because it’s not meant to exist in relationships. 

Falling for somebody shouldn’t mean you never know what kind of day you’re going to have based on their current mental or emotional state. I truly mean that – and anybody who falls for the narcissist is going to quickly become accustomed and addicted to the highs and lows. 

With those lows always being followed quickly by amazing highs – that’s the very thing that keeps good people around. Once you have fallen for them, you’ll be surprised at what you put up with and excuse them as being ‘normal’ to both of you. 

There’s nothing normal about extremes.

You should want peace and crave it. I know how difficult that is when you leave a toxic relationship because so many people fall into the same trap over and over.

Peace can be even louder than the most intense fight – but it is just unfamiliar. 

#5 Good People Dislike Conflict

I don’t know anybody who enjoys the push and pull of a narcissistic relationship. If I asked everybody I knew, there would be no show of hands when I ask, “Who here likes their boundaries violated?”

So, how do good people get to the point where conflict is an everyday occurrence?

It’s because the narcissist twists the conflict. 

I hate us arguing, you know that. But you get me so frustrated.

I don’t want to fall out with you. It’s just what happens.

I hate drama as much as you do. I just want to talk about things normally. 

You believe them because you’re a good person, and you want to see the best in people. 

Falling for the narcissist means falling for every line they give you. 

#6 They Fill Your Emotional Needs

Okay – I know this is going to sound incredibly backward of me – but hear me out.

Narcissists do fulfill those needs. They can be some of the best listeners at the time. Clinging onto your every word and making sure you are promised the moon and stars. 

Then it’s all thrown back in your face but only after you’ve totally fallen for them.

You desire love and validation, and they are more than happy to give you what you need—but only temporarily. 

The good in you lets them in.

#7 The Need To “Fix”

Good-hearted people often want to help or “fix” others. Narcissists play into this by presenting themselves as victims of past relationships, hardships, or misunderstandings, making the empathetic person feel responsible for their emotional healing.

It is not your job to fix anybody, but I know the thrill you get from trying to be so useful. 

The more you fix, the more the narcissist accepts. The more they accept, the more you fall. 

It’s a pattern you need to get out of. 

#8 You See The Best In Them

When you first meet somebody new, you’re never going to see all the bad things about them.

Narcissists are some of the most cunning people out there, and they will make sure you see the good they produce for you…

…The good that can never be sustained. 

It feels nice when somebody is polite and listens to every word you say. Finally, you can be seen and appreciated. Your past may not be much to go by, so you like to think you’re starting again with somebody different.

Somebody who values you.

Only narcissists don’t value you. They only value what you have to give them that benefits them. 

By the time you realize that you are already in love, and it’s too late to take that back.