The time has come, you finally think you’re grading back to the narcissist’s place!
You’ve been told what it’s like, you feel like you know your way around without even stepping foot in!
Yet for some reason (like all the reasons before), you aren’t going back there.
The narcissist places a barrier between you and the place they call home, but why? What are they hiding?
In truth, they’re hiding far more than you think.
I’ve got 8 reasons here that will suddenly make a lot of sense for you. I hope you’re ready!
#1 Clutter
Surprise, surprise! The narcissist’s house is actually so full of clutter they can’t even see the carpet!
Not that they want you to know that, of course. They like living the way they do.
A busy looking house reflects a buddy mind and character. Too much space leaves room for improvement or to find fault, right?
Wrong! We love a tidy space!
Which is exactly why you aren’t welcome at their home, and why you are not going to get a chance to see their house as it truly stands.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have a bit of a mess from time to time, but I am talking on a whole other level here.
Clutter is not how a narcissist wants you to remember them.
Good. Keep your clutter. I’ll go back to mine alone, thanks!
#2 They’ve got a family there!
Well, well, well. If it isn’t the two-faced liar live in action! The narcissist has a family!
Who’d have thought it? Probably not you because you were told they were single.
In fact, they were not. They were leading a double life this whole time, and the reason you neer found out is because you never got to go back to their place to find the wife and kids tucked up sleeping soundly.
I joke about this you know, but this kind of thing really destroys lives.
You deserve so much better, and that is out there right now, honestly and patiently waiting for you.
#3 To maintain their image
Who are the neighbors? Will they talk? What if a friend passes by and sees your car there? What will people say or think?
It’s not worth the hassle, so the narcissist would rather you keep a clear distance from their place.
Besides, what if somebody dare have the nerve to turn to the narcissist and tell them that they could do better?
Nope!
It’s better to keep you firmly away, not even giving out their address, for the sake of image and peace, or that unique blend of both!
#4 Inconsistencies
Think about it for a minute. What exactly has the narcissist told you about their place?
Is it huge, set back into the hills, along the beach, a four story townhouse in the city? Does it come with its own pool or triple drive? Does it have a rooftop bar?
Come on. We know better than to believe this garbage anyway, but yet they somehow make it sound so believable.
So you do get to go back to their place, and see a regular apartment. Which, let’s not sniff at.
Sacred spaces are earned, and size shouldn’t matter, right? Except the narcissist outright lied to your ace about where they live and how they live. And that in itself is beyond not fair.
But hey, let’s be honest, they’re just doing it to make themselves look better than they are because they’re that insecure.
#5 Avoiding intimacy
Narcissists won’t play any part in intimacy if they can help it. And I don’t necessarily mean the physical act of love, but everything else that might circle around it.
The 1am glass of red wine by the fire as you talk about your fears or hopes.
The post love-making chats while you trace circles on each other’s bodies in bed.
The talking about your future together.
It’s not up for discussion, and the narcissist knows they need to avoid that kind of connection because it’s where they really feel the most vulnerable and scared.
They don’t like to feel either as it knocks their image that they’re perfectly formed and strong.
Yes, they really do see vulnerability as a weakness. And if you can crack that guard, then you are officially looking at somebody who isn’t as strong as they claimed to be.
#6 Secret addictions
What’s lying around that house? I mean, you can only guess, but are you going to be anywhere close?
If you found out the truth, would you run a mile? Judge them heavily? The narcissist thinks you might, but equally as important, you’d be able to see that they aren’t the perfect person they painted themselves as.
For all you know, there might be drugs lying around the house. There could be a gambling addiction going on, with betting slips pinned up on the fridge.
There may even be a drink problem, which you will be kept from by staying a distance from the house, period!
I hate to even go there really, but we have to cover all bases and make sure you really know what they’re capable of keeping from you.
#7 Evidence of domestic abuse
Imagine you walk into their house for the first time, and they head to the bathroom briefly.
You’re left in the kitchen to see a letter from the courts ordering a sum of child maintenance bedding to be paid to their child’s mother. Or an order for a trial that will see them take the stand for common assault.
I know this won’t be the case for all narcissists, but sadly it is very much the case for a lot of them.
They don’t want you seeing any of that. They want you to see their charm and allure, so you can roll up and unwillingly be their next victim.
Scary stuff, isn’t it? When you think about it, you know nothing about somebody until you’ve seen their house.
#8 They’re sofa surfing
The narcissist is homeless. They don’t have a place to take you, as much as they tell you they do.
In fact, don’t be surprised if they are already outstaying their welcome on the sofa that they’re on, and will no doubt be asked to move on within the next week. That’s why you don’t get an address -it’s forever changing!
It might come as a shock to hear that their beautiful big house in the hills doesn’t exist, but it’s the image they want you to have of them, so they don’t damage the illusion.
I guess the only way for you to find out who you’re dealing with is to demand you spend some time at their house.
If they’re reluctant to take you there, then see it as an immediate red flag and decide for yourself if the relationship is still worth pursuing.
Only then will you be able to determine your worth in the dynamic, and move on if or when you need to. I know you have it in you to keep your boundary here.
