It’s to stop sitting back and it’s time to stop listening to the narcissist.
Whatever pours out of their mouth is nothing but a river of lies, but they will convince you they’re speaking truths.
The problem arises when you become programmed to these lies, and take everything the narcissist says as gospel without venturing outside that narrative to ask questions.
Lies and Truth: Skewed
It’s a familiar story, isn’t it?
I know victims who went into relationships with the narcissist in their life knowing full well the difference between the truth and a lie.
The difference is, they were willing to allow somebody else’s lies to become the truth, because of how that lie was packaged.
This is how the two can become skewed. Over time and getting to know the narcissist more and more, a person can begin to know themselves less and less.
As that balance becomes totally off, you will not know the difference. You will be convinced every day, and you will end up just agreeing with the narcissist for:
- An easy life
- A way to just stop the arguing in its tracks
- Because you think they’re right
- They tell you to trust them
- They’re happier when you agree
Is that a way to live?
#1 “I’m the only one who really understands you”
The first lie a narcissist will convince you is true.
Listen very carefully when somebody says this to you, because it isn’t the romantic statement that you think it is.
Yes, you deeply want the person you’re with to understand you. They must take the time, just like you, to get to know you to the point where they can really support and help you through life.
Let’s make no mistake though – saying they’re the only person to understand you is just asking for trouble.
It’s a way to isolate you from everybody else, and to stop relying on them for advice or time because, well, why would you need it if you have the narcissist?
I see this statement as a way to segregate you and the narcissist, so it’s almost like the pair of you against the world.
All that does is encourage the attachment between you, which is what the narcissist wants!
#2 “You’re too sensitive”
The ultimate gaslighting phrase a narcissist can use.
You’re too sensitive.
I’m here to firstly tell you that you’re not, but I am acutely aware that it’s going to take more than that to get you to believe it.
That’s the depth of the damage narcissists dish out, I’m afraid. Years of abuse can’t be undone in just one sentence, but the healing journey is so worth it.
The only reason a narcissist says this is to keep you small. When you’re rightly raising an issue, they demean it immediately by telling you to keep small.
They want you to stop making a big deal out of the problem, because the problem is actually you being too sensitive to it.
Wrong!
The problem is the problem. The sooner you figure that out and rewire your brain to believe it, the better.
#3 “I did that for your own good”
Okay. Your own good is not for anybody else to either decide or control unless you are two years old.
Even then parents ought to be leaving room for learning, and not fully controlling.
As an adult, there’s not a soul alive other than you who gets to decide what’s in your best interests, least of all a narcissist.
They hide their control under the guise of care or concern, and there’s really nothing more sinister and dangerous than allowing them to do that.
Don’t ever let them trick you into thinking they care, which is why they take the lead.
They do not care for anything other than getting exactly what they want.
#4 “Everyone else thinks you’re difficult”
Is this true, though? I mean, you can hear the narcissist spit the words out, but are they based on any hard evidence?
As a narcissist continues their quest to isolate you, they will make those you’ve previously known and had the support of become enemies.
And for what?
For you to have nowhere to turn but the narcissist- the very person you need to be the farthest away from!
You’re not difficult, by the way.
Read that again.
#5 “You’ll never find someone better than me”
Wrong!
You could find somebody better than the narcissist by the end of the day if you really tried.
The reason you will hear this is because the narcissist doesn’t want you to look.
They want you just to believe it so you stick with them and understand that things really don’t get much better than this.
They’re setting your standards for you, and those standards are pretty terrible.
PS. You will find a million people better than the narcissist. You just need to escape what you’re in first.
#6 “If you loved me, you would believe me”
Bleurgh! What a cringey way for somebody – anybody – to get what they want. It’s almost childish to hear it.
This type of comment just sucks. It’s no way for you to suddenly believe a lie to be true. It holds no weight to it other than how to be obedient.
And you know why they say it?
Because they want you to always believe them, Not just on this occasion, but on all the others, too.
They’re lining you up to have their back no matter how dark their lies get in the future.
That’s some really dangerous ground to talk on.
Don’t do it, take it from me!
#7 “I’m not like other people you’ve dated—I’m different”
Well, true in that they are quite literally a different person.
Not true in that you’ve likely encountered the unfortunate pattern of falling into relationships with toxic people.
It’s the same thing on repeat, and that’s why you’re always getting the same problems in your life.
If you fall for everything the narcissist says, you’ll have nothing to stand for.
This kind of phrase almost sounds like they’re begging you to choose them, doesn’t it?
Pick me, pick me!
I am a cut above the rest!
I will make your life the best it’s ever been!
Why are they convincing you to be with them?
They’re nothing but salespeople.
Avoid!
#8 “I’m only acting this way because I love you so much”
Is it love if you have to defend certain kinds of toxic behaviors, though?
I don’t actually think it is, and neither should you.
No person should be justifying themselves based on how they feel about you like this, but of course, they will.
All this does is prove to you that you are putting up with the abuse ‘in the name of love.’
Love and abuse are not synonymous. Being raised to believe they are is half the problem.
I don’t want to assume that all victims saw abuse growing up and were told it was love, or how relationships operate.
Sadly though, many do. And it’s the biggest way to gaslight a child and have them see abuse as patterns of love and expression.
