When all you want is the narcissist’s time, you will be disappointed.
They will let you down and refuse to even give you a minute of it, because they think it’s too special to part with.
And so you become the butt of their excuses. You become the reason they would rather do literally anything else, and that can hurt.
If you want to know those excuses, I’ve got 8 right here. I will say this though…
…Don’t believe that you are the problem.
#1 “I’m busy”
Busy doing what? You’d think these people worked for Mi5 or something the way they have to always sing from the rooftops how busy their life is.
They’ve got this important thing.
They can’t take time off.
They need to be at work.
They can’t possibly compromise.
If you need that huge right there and then, they’ve got something more important they need to do.
It’s always the same, and I’m afraid it always will be.
The fact is, if you want to spend any time with the narcissist, you’re going to have to face their reality of getting in line and waiting your turn.
And I know what this spells. It essentially means you are made to feel small and irrelevant.
You want to matter to them, but they prove time again that you don’t. And when you ask why, you’re made to feel terrible for it.
There’s no fairness in it, and no justification, either.
#2 “You’re so needy”
Needy for what, wanting to spend a little quality time with the person that you thought cared about you? Somebody you thought you had a future with?
Why is it so hard for a narcissist to just say, “Sure. That sounds like a great idea,” and stick to it?
Because they aren’t a person of their word.
They want to fight you every step of the way without giving you a shred of affection or validation.
They would sooner make excuses that mean they don’t have to spend time with you because to them, time means bonding. It means connecting.
They don’t want to connect, namely because underneath it all, any type of connection is largely fearful to them.
Instead, they do they can to play by their rules, and push you away.
And that’s why you feel the pain you feel when they let you down yet again.
#3 “I’ve got to work late”
Work must come first, right? How many times have you heard that in your relationship with any narcissist?
I worked with somebody once whose father used to say those very words.
Work comes first.
Can you imagine how hard that must be hearing that as a kid? You’re seven years old and have asked your own dad to spend time with you, and they decide to work extra (they don’t have to).
I can almost see those little shoulders drop in disappointment.
The kid asks themselves, “Is it me?”
No, it’s not. And even as an adult, it’s still not you.
This is somebody who will always choose work over anybody in their lives because work is what gives them a purpose.
It’s what builds and sculpts their identity. It’s exactly where people applaud them, and how they earn the money they’re obsessed with.
So yes, when it comes to the crunch, that crunch will always end up on them opting for work, and not time with you.
#4 “I don’t feel well”
Oh really? Because you seemed okay five minutes ago when we were happily sitting down to dinner.
Now fast forward when I ask if you want to go for a walk, or to do anything together, you’ve gotten sick.
Isn’t it strange how that can just happen, and not just once but every single time you make a suggestion to connect?
Newsflash: they’re not sick. They just don’t want to do anything with you, and the time you’re skiing to spend together they’d prefer to be alone doing whatever it is they prioritize over you.
#5 “I forgot and double-booked”
Okay, so let me get this straight. The narcissist double booked you with something or somebody else, and now you are the one being let down.
Again.
This happens all the time. Why? It seems they keep forgetting their disorganisation, but in fact there’s no other double booking.
They just want to leave the house for a few hours without you and do their own thing because it’s more interesting than the art gallery you’ve been asking them to come with you to.
Being forgotten makes a person feel really neglected, so it’s no surprise this is a narcissistic tendency.
#6 “Take my credit card and go have fun”
Wait, what? How does that work?
For the narcissist, it’s so easy. They don’t want to spend time with you, but rather than make you feel disappointed in that, they offer some kind of financial compromise they think will be too good to miss.
Their credit card.
That’s right. You get a free ride today, so where are you going to go, what will you buy?
This seems fun at first until they condemn you for what you spent and make you feel bad.
So not only do they avoid spending that time with you, they also take what you have spent, and create a new problem.
Narcissists think the world can be solved if you just throw money at it, but what people in love really want is precious time.
#7 “We can rearrange for some other
time”
And so you wait. And you wait. And you wait some more. Are you even remotely surprised that the time they promised you never actually arrives?
There’s always the excuse of tomorrow, or next week, or next month. Yet something always crops up and lets their side down, and if I can be completely honest, it was designed by them to be that way.
Don’t think that time is on your side, or that your future plans won’t crumble because the narcissist decides to change their mind or fix you up with some other mediocre excuse.
The truth is, they don’t want to spend time with you. If they did, they’d make sure it was on the calendar and stuck with.
#8 “It sounds boring”
Well, how about that for a little direct assertiveness? It sounds boring. They don’t feel it. They aren’t keen.
They’re not even remotely bothered by your suggestion to do this, go there, or see that show.
The fact is, this isn’t just about doing what you suggest, it’s about trying new things and spending time as a couple.
If they can’t see that, then what’s really going on? You’ve got to be with somebody who is interested in your suggestions, but who also is a person of their word.
Without that, you’re really shooting for things that never surface, and that’s got to hurt some, hasn’t it?
Whatever you’re suggesting isn’t boring, either. This is just down to the narcissist to try to sway you from continuing with these ideas in the hope you’ll give up and take a seat.
