Has a toxic text message from a narcissist recently slipped into your inbox?

I’m betting – yes!

In fact, I’d go as far to say that if you’re here, toxic text messages make a regular appearance in your life.

They aren’t healthy, they don’t make us feel good, and we can ruminate and ruminate over them, right?

I’ve encountered so many people who say to me, “Look! Look what I got! Why are they doing this? How do I even respond?” while holding their phones under my nose.

I’ll happily remind you how predictable narcissists are. If you needed a little reminder that you aren’t alone – here are 8 examples of toxic text messages.

All sent by narcissists, they are a classic way for them to try to get your attention.

“Hey, I’m sorry you feel that way…”

You’ve had a conflicted run-in with the narcissist via text, and their way of trying to diffuse your anger toward them is to deny they’ve even upset you in the first place.

Narcissists do this with a well-known response, and I know you know what I’m talking about:

I’m sorry you feel that way.

Breaking news: I’m sorry you feel that way isn’t an apology!

These words are like a weaving alleyway the narcissist is trying to find their way out of. Rather than admit fault, hold their hands up (you know, like a normal apology) and say sorry, they don’t.

Instead, they will feel sorry for your emotions. It’s almost pitiful, isn’t it? 

“I know how busy you are”

To get right under your skin, the narcissist will retaliate when you reject them.

If you can’t help them in some way, if you cancel plans, or if you state that you already have plans, the guilt trip will awaken.

It’s okay, I know how busy you are. 

They will even go as far as not texting you and asking you that thing again and throwing it in your face by asking countless other people.

Of course, you’ll only know when you see photos on social media or hear through the grapevine. 

“Are you coming to the family event this weekend you know (insert relative here) is unwell and never gets to see you.”

I hope the narcissist sent everybody a postcard while they were on their latest guilt trip…

This is a classic and equally toxic text to receive to ignite and stir emotions within you.

They know you may have not made it to an event in the past, and will see this upcoming one as another reason for you to stay away.

How dare you be so busy? What makes you more important than everybody else?

Well – nothing. You probably had a really good reason to not attend that event, but the narcissist will remind you that you let them down.

They’ll do that gladly by involving somebody else, so you feel maximum guilt and are forced to attend or be that person. 

“All okay?”

Yes, of course it is! 

We all know when a narcissist curtly responds with the fact that they’re okay, that it’s left wide open for interpretation.

People on the receiving end have been conditioned to interpret the narcissist this way.

It’s a way for the narcissist to create a world of anxiety within the recipient, and perhaps send a few texts in response.

Are you sure? You seem quiet.

Just okay? Have I done something wrong? 

Boom.

You have fallen into their trap. Now they get to delight at the attention you’ve given them. 

You’re putty in their hands. 

“It’s a shame you couldn’t make it. Again.”

Have you noticed the underlying rumble of guilt so far? 

This text is no different, with passive-aggression at its finest.

The narcissist doesn’t like it when you don’t show. They don’t care why, I mean, you may have a strong reason, right?

All they care about is that you let them down, and boy will they hold that grudge for a long, long time. 

They they really want to say is:

It’s a shame that you’re the reason I feel so let down.

They can’t let you know this vulnerable side of them, so instead, they turn it into their disappointment in you. 

This is projection! I want you to wake up to it, because it finds its way into so many different scenarios with a narcissist. 

“It’s always your fault.”

“I can’t believe you’re going there without me. Well have fun as I know you will…”

So, that thing you were really looking forward to doing, or that place you really wanted to visit – you were excited, weren’t you?

Well, I bet you won’t be the second you get that crushing, toxic text from the narcissist.

This is enough to push a rain cloud over the sunniest, warmest and most wonderful of days.

They aim to get you thinking about how you let them down and dare do something fun without them.

So now?

That fun thing becomes tainted.

Yet another thing the narcissist has ruined.

“What do you want me to do with your things? Don’t think you can get away with leaving them here.”

Threats, threats, threats. If you’ve broken up with a narcissist, don’t expect any kind of friendly closure before moving on.

They will be bitter and exude nothing but more control. Their cruel nature will kick in and remind you that you mean nothing to them anymore…

Remember – narcissists hide pain with anger and resentment!

Is this toxic? Of course it is – you don’t need me to tell you. 

Go get your things. Give the narcissist nothing to hold against you or come back at you with.

Get your peace.

Then block them.

“Read Receipt – Silence”

The narcissist has read your message. You both know how important it is that you get a reply.

You get nothing.

The silent treatment isn’t just for in-person situations. It can be used however the toxic narcissist likes. 

When they don’t get a reply, people keep checking their phones. Their days are interrupted, and moments are lost checking and rechecking. 

For you – this causes annoyance and frustration. Why can’t they reply? You might even see them online!

For them? Well, they’re loving every minute! Finally, they’ve got the control back. They won’t readily give that back to you, so they’ll let you stew for as long as it takes.

Inevitably, they will perhaps even see a few more texts coming in.

Are you there?

Please reply.

Did I say something wrong?

Bingo.

They’ve got you right where they want you. 

7 Narcissist Hobbies that are Instant Red Flags 

Hobbies are great, right? I mean, we all have them. We pass the time doing things we love – and it’s good for the soul.

Narcissists also have hobbies but aren’t always necessarily what you might expect. These hobbies are often for self-gain in different ways than the usual pottery or yoga class.

Nope. These hobbies are huge red flags.

The hobbies of a narcissist are designed to improve and maintain their image solely.

Let’s take a look at 7 hobbies of a narcissist that are instant red flags.

#1 Exterior House Improvements

Wow, what a beautiful house!

I love what you’ve done with the place!

It looks amazing – you’re so talented.

You have such an eye for colors and visions. 

Yadda, yadda. Undoubtedly, anything that involves making improvements to the outside of the house will gain attention from others.

Narcissists love this. They love to be seen up a ladder with a paintbrush or building new fences. Neighbors will be drawn to coming over and asking them questions bout what they’re doing and say things like:

 I don’t know how you find the time to fit it all in.

You’re obviously somebody who takes pride in where they live.

Good on you for wanting to make your home a nice place to live. 

These comments will fill the narcissist with the assurance that they are good people. It will almost be like validation for them – and the narcissist is going to lap up every word.

They don’t actually care about painting. If they could leave it, they would. 

But…

They have an image to maintain.

#2 Lavishly Decorating for Holidays

When the holidays roll around, whatever they may be, the narcissist will want to have the biggest and best decorations imaginable. 

Cutting short of being completely tasteless, they will bring the particular holiday to life and use these decorations to get people excited. Most holiday decorations bring out the inner child in us all. Narcissists love it the most when children’s eyes light up.

Children are some of the most impressionable people on the planet. Their innocent natures just see people for face value, and anyone who smiles and has bright lights or fun decorations outside their house has to be a fun person, too!

#3 Spending Time on Dating Apps “For Fun”

You’re going to cringe at this one, but it’s a fact that narcissists ‘use dating apps for fun.’

Many who are in relationships will openly admit to having them on their phone to their partners because they see it as a hobby.

Narcissists are some of the most judgemental people on the planet. They feel they have the god given right to be able to look at others through a critical lens just because. 

What does that mean for you?

Frequently, you can find them on dating apps, laughing to themselves, maybe even showing you!

Look at this person, who would want them?

Well, they’re far too good for this site.

They’ll tell you it’s fun, but for you, it’ll only make your self-esteem dip. How can someone be so critical of others based on their looks? What does that mean for you?

Having dating apps on their phone is a huge red flag for any spouse. To be so brazen to use them in front of you and treat it like a big joke is really quite insensitive and disturbing.

Narcissists to a tee!

#4 Whatever ‘You’ Like to Do

Mirroring is a classic narcissistic tactic. They tend to jump on your bandwagon of loves, passions and hobbies to get you to think you ‘have everything in common.’

Oh really? I love that band too!

I’ve always been interested in hiking!

I love to take time to meditate every day. It’s so good for my mental health.

Little by little, you will think about how much you are suited. 

Mirroring is actually a way to get you to feel a certain attachment toward the narcissist. It’s helpful to them to know you are invested in them, so the likelihood of you leaving becomes pretty much non-existent. 

Prepare for red flags to fly high when you spot someone loving everything you love. It’s actually nice to meet someone with whom you have one or two mutual hobbies. It’s also nice to know you like different things, so you can maintain your independence and identity. 

Narcissists don’t want that for you. 

#5 Working Out Obsessively 

Exercise is healthy. We are constantly told to keep our bodies and minds as healthy as possible because life, right?

If you meet someone totally obsessed with going to the gym, but beyond that, obsessed with their image in unfathomable ways – watch for what that means. 

It’s good to know that a person is taking care of themselves but not to the point where it’s all they do. Constantly checking themselves in the mirror and loving themselves means deep insecurities exist.

While insecurities don’t solely point to narcissism, they indicate a level of unhealthiness. Red flags are born here. 

The gym isn’t a narcissistic place, but narcissists are known to congregate here because of all the compliments they would receive as a result of constant working out. 

They love the guts, they love the glory. 

#6 Gambling

I don’t want to create a strong link between narcissists and gambling, but there is an addictive link between the two that can be a red flag.

Narcissists have an addictive personality. Their personalities lean heavily to addictions to wealth, power, status or fame. 

Maybe even all!

They exaggerate their achievements and crave admiration and praise from others daily. 

So then let’s look at how addictive this can all be, and how damaging it is to like something such as gambling. 

If you meet somebody who is known for enjoying gambling to the point where they’d consider it a hobby…

It’s time to see it as a red flag. 

#7 Using Their Own Narcissistic Habits Like Hobbies

This one may not appear too obvious at first, but think about it.

We do a lot of what we tend to like, right?

Suppose the narcissist in your life spends a lot of time criticizing, belittling, punishing, exerting their power, and generally being unpleasant. In that case, it will be a red flag you can’t ignore.

Narcissists love to get stuck in other people’s business. They love to ridicule and tear down friends, family, or even strangers and acquaintances. 

They enjoy it so much that barely a moment goes by where they can resist. 

Noticing this really brings out the ugly in that narcissist (if it wasn’t already obviously in vision…)

Look out for these crass displays – and avoid them as a result.