You’d think home would be your safe space, wouldn’t you? The place where you can relax and be yourself, and know that the world is going on outside of it.
That should be the case, but if you have a narcissist darkening your doorway, your house won’t feel like a home.
They become so mean and petty, to the point where they are unhinged at home.
Here are 8 examples of how they do it.
#1 The punishments are so petty
Imagine constantly being a hair’s breadth away from potential punishment in your own home at all times.
It’s got to be altering to your entire mental and physical state, but that is exactly how mean narcissists are.
They act like being at home means they can portray their lost unhinged version of themselves, and it’s you who has to suffer because of it.
Punishments can be so petty that narcissisists:
- Change their mood in a split second
- Keep whatever they feel you did wrong in the forefront of their mind, ready to bring it up at any moment
- Punish you for even breathing wrong
- Yell at you if they had a bad day
There is no excuse for any of it.
#2 Explosive rage over next to nothing
If you have ever seen a narcissist in the middle of a rage, you’ll know why I had to add it to this list.
They will explode, fracturing a silent room and creating a very mean, unpleasant atmosphere. As you are sinking into a nice evening, that mood can all be undone quicker than you can possibly think.
And it won’t even be a result of you doing anything wrong! Not that anybody should rage at another person, anyway.
It all boils down to dysregulated emotions, and the more of those you have, the more likely you are to be a narcissist.
The favorite place for a narcissist to rage is at home. It’s as if they can get away with being whatever version of themselves they want, and it’s only you who gets to witness it.
#3 Sarcasm disguised as humor
Sarcasm is a fun form of humor, but when it’s used against you or to hurt you, it’s not nice at all.
Narcissists get away with this behind closed doors, and it can get really unhinged.
I was just trying to be funny.
Obviously it went right over your head.
Oh right. It’s your fault, again.
#4 The nitpicking is constant
Where do you keep putting the remote?
I keep telling you to leave my work bag alone.
Why is the toilet paper different?
Can’t you just leave these big, dumb cushions off the bed for once?
Every room can be picked apart by the narcissist if they can help it, and trust me, they work hard to do that.
Because nobody else sees what’s going on in the home, narcissists won’t stop making the ways you turn the house into a nice place to live a problem.
As soon as you are told they’re a problem, you’ll change it.
It’s colder. It’s bare. It’s unforgiving. All because it reflects how the narcissist feels about you, life, and themselves deep down.
See a pattern emerging here?
It’s so petty to even make an issue of everything they do, but that’s how they get under your skin and refuse to leave you alone and – dare I say – happy.
There’s nothing happy about a narcissist!
#5 Criticism like you wouldn’t believe
Why are the curtains never pulled?
I still don’t get why you need all these perfumes.
What in God’s name do you do with all the shoes you have?
Do you not want to eat healthy this week? Where’s all the veg in the fridge?
You kept me awake snoring again last night. Why don’t you do anything about it?
I could go on forever, but the truth is, narcissists will criticize the way they do behind closed doors because they can get away with nobody else hearing all the rubbish they feel they have to say.
But it hurts, and I get that. It hurts to feel like you just can;t do anything wrong, and when you try to make that wrong thing right, you somehow, according to them, only make it worse.
So what options do you have? Well, I will tell you this.
Behind closed doors you don’t have that voice of rationality to tell you that you’re not the problem, which is why you continue to think you are.
#6 Deliberate sabotage
Narcissists can and will sabotage anything they can get their hands on. If it means you feel sad or hurt at the end of it, and it stops you from achieving a goal, they will feel as though they’ve really won.
I want you to think for a moment about sabotage, and what it looks like for you, because it doesn’t end with the narcissist.
As they sabotage and then tell you, “Well, it was probably for the best anyway,” you then learn that ruining something for yourself is also probably for the best.
So that is where self-sabotage can be born. And it’s no joke. But again, you’ve got no voice of reason telling you that’s what’s happening.
It’s unhinged to not want the best for the person you love and live with, so it beggars belief that narcissists get away with this.
This is the true art of being covert.
#7 Volatile mood swings
The mood swings of a narcissist can become very dark to witness, and their negativity often rubs off on their victims, who too, end up feeling the way their abuser feels.
You have the anger, the rage, the jealousy, the love-bombing, the sarcasm, the laughter, the mockery, the criticism, the silence, the ego.
They all roll around each day in little ways, and behind closed doors, you get to see the most petty versions of these, as well as exactly how mean they can get when nobody else is watching.
The volatility of the mood swings will be what keeps you feeling like a tangled ball of anxiety.
What will this day hold?
What mood will they be in?
What mood will I get from them?
How can I make it all better?
You will spend each waking moment wanting peace, but you will never get it.
#8 Obsessive monitoring
If you are sharing a home with a narcissist, you are already feeding an overwhelming portion of their supply simply just by being you, having your stuff in the house, and keeping a calendar on the wall with your plans.
Narcissists will monitor their victim, wanting to know their every move, where they are going, when they will be back and so much more.
It will feel like you can’t even breathe, but let me tell you, if you tried to even initiate any kind of surveillance in return, you will be called unreasonable and a stalker.
It does not work both ways, like most of the different ways they treat you versus how you treat them.
Unhinged?
Yes!
