Okay, let’s take a moment before I go into this topic. I know what you’re all thinking.

Yes is the answer.

Narcissists actually have friends.

Well, they’re as much “friends” as they could ever be with the narcissist, but I’d say “pawn” is far more accurate.

These people are in the lives of the toxic, and each one is going to hear all about you.

Do you want to know what they will hear?

Good.

Because I’m here to tell you.

Truth?!

I know. It’s strange to imagine any truth when it comes to narcissists. They lie from the moment they wake, to the moment they fall asleep.

If they could, they’d probably lie in their dreams, too!

There is truth behind the lies, and that truth is how much the narcissist wants to protect themselves.

If they were to be honest about you, that would involve them being nice, and dare I say it – vulnerable!

They won’t want to be seen as any of these. All that will end up doing is revealing a weak side to them that they’re trying hard to prove doesn’t exist. 

So, what exactly does the narcissist say about you to their friends (coin the term ‘friend’ loosely for me, please…)

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#1 The Overhype 

They won’t hesitate to hype you up if they need to, but it’s never going to be overly emotional.

The practicalities of your personality will be laid out on the table, and the narcissist will celebrate them.

I finally found somebody who can cook!

I don’t have to do anything – they have it all figured out for me. 

I’m living my best life.

I made sure I found somebody who looks sweet on my arm.

They’re a firecracker in bed!

The overhype on you will be complimentary, but not necessarily flattering.

What the narcissist wants is to make it seem as though you’re there to do them a favor. This takes away – you guessed it – any emotion or attachment.

#2 The Underhype

Just as a narcissist wants to overhype, they won’t think twice about throwing you under the bus.

Have any of you seen The Traitors? You forever see fellow traitors hang each other out to dry at the drop of a hat if it means saving their own skin! This is what a narcissist will do.

They’re always so late, it’s so annoying.

They’re so lazy. They never do anything around the house.

They just sit about leaving me to do it all.

It’s boring being with them. They don’t spark my fire any more. 

If you can be at fault for something that takes any negative focus from them, they will happily say what they need to say.

Sad, but true. 

#3 The Intimacy

I find this one of the saddest truths, because intimacy is supposed to be between two people.

Nobody should be talking about the intimate side of their personal lives, but especially narcissists. They are always doing it.

Oh my God, they will do anything I tell them to do.

They love it when I am in control.

It’s a good job they’re fantastic in bed.

I wish you could see how lucky I am.

Don’t even be surprised if they willingly let their friends view the photo of you they took on vacation on the beach and brag that ‘you’re all theirs.’

It’s as if they want extra points from their friends, and that those points come from how well, or not well, you perform. 

Huge red flag. 

#4  You Are Lazy

If you’re the lazy one, then the narcissist is the proactive one.

The person who gets it all done.

The one who pays the bills.

The one capable.

The only one who tidies and shops for groceries.

It’s a hard life being a narcissist, but if you’re going to hide the fact that you are, you need to prove to people that you’re a hard worker, and in it for the love.

No wonder their friend was strangely quiet with you last week when you bumped into them…

#5 You’re Obedient

They do as they’re told. That’s how it works.

Of course I can make that golfing weekend. She won’t mind. She doesn’t do anything outside of work anyway.

You see, these types of comments are common with narcissists. They will use your obedience as a handy tool of freedom for themselves. 

Nobody promised a rose garden when hooking up with a narcissist…

#6 You’ll Do For Now

As if there’s always somebody better about to come along for the narcissist – and exactly how they try to make it sound like you deserve more than you’ve currently got. 

The you’ll do for now is a truth the narcissists will tell their friends. They don’t want to look as though they are too caught up on you.

Heaven forbid they like a person, begin a healthy relationship with them, and show affection!

You know you’re worth more than that, and this is why I’m here – to tell you!

#7 You’ll Say Yes To Anything

Yes is a word you’re probably familiar with. You say it a lot because the bad moods generated by the narcissist if you don’t aren’t worth it. 

Saying yes doesn’t mean you’re a walkover, but sadly that’s how the narcissist will view you. 

It almost becomes a bragging right of the narcissist.

They just say yes to anything – it’s fantastic!

Oh yeah, we can make it. She will be fine and say yes.

Deciding what your answer is going to be, before you’ve even had the opportunity to think, is a horrible truth that will be relayed to the narcissist’s friends. 

#8 They Work Overtime For You

All I do is work, work, work. 

Day in and day out.

It never ends.

I work hard while they live the life of luxury.

If it weren’t for me, they’d be in serious trouble.

I can’t take time off, I have family and partner to provide for. 

It’s as if it’s something that nobody else does.

We all work to provide, right? Whether that be for ourselves, or our children.

We work, and we get what we need and want in life, but narcissists make out like they’re slaves to their jobs, all to keep others heads above water.

This isn’t noble, at all. 

‘Friends?’

I can’t let this one go without a little Friendship 101.

Narcissists don’t have friends. The closest thing they have to friends are allies. People who they can rely on, use, or ask favors of. 

If you weren’t aware, narcissists find it incredibly hard to start and maintain true friendships.

These involve a certain element of vulnerability. To be a true friend means to be a good listener, and to sometimes put somebody else before you. 

Narcissists? Forget it!

When You Stop Caring About The Narcissist They Will Do This!

As long as you love me only works when the narcissist is getting what they want from you. You have to comply, or the dynamics malfunction.

The moment – the very second you stop caring about the narcissist, you’d better take cover.

Not only does their response create the world’s worst emotional tornado – that tornado is an F5 – and it’s heading straight for you.

So what emotions get whipped up, and what exactly does each one mean?

Well, Alex, I’m glad you asked…

Narcissists Need You

The strength a narcissist needs to deny they need you is off the charts! They will deny and refuse to acknowledge that your presence is what’s keeping them going but…

…It’s all for the wrong reasons.

Narcissists destroy you in order to gain something for themselves. They take your world and crumble it in their hands without a second thought.

The love you feel from them is fragmented and temporary, but it’s enough to keep you caring.

You remain loyal, loving and hopeful.

And narcissists need that from you. If they don’t get it, the worthlessness that lies dormant in their empty souls will awaken.

So… what is about your caring nature that they can’t live without?

Your Care is Their Supply

Everytime you show you care, you are offering the narcissist supply.

Supply to them is emotional sustenance. It’s what keeps them going, and it’s sole design to maintain some form of self-worth. 

Needing supply is the main driving force behind many of their toxic behaviors.

This means you stop caring about yourself every time you put your own life or priorities to the side of the road to make room for theirs. 

And the narcissist?

They love it! They love knowing that you would drop anything and everything for them, and that’s the very part of you they abuse!

Can you imagine the horror of it being withdrawn?!

When It Stops?

The day you wake up and promise yourself that you will no longer care about the narcissist is the day your life is going to substantially alter. 

This is when things get really serious.

You’re choosing you for once in your life. You’re choosing to put your own needs first and, in turn, making huge improvements to both your emotional and physical health. 

What does it mean to apply all this energy and positivity to yourself? 

It means it’s unable to be converted to narcissistic supply.

Instead of pleasing the narcissist, you are healing and enriching you.

What Comes Next

I don’t promise initial warmth, kindness, happiness and joy from the narcissist. In fact, I’d bet you won’t get an ounce.

Thinking about it, why would you?!

You’ve done them dirty and stopped caring – so what on earth do you think they will be happy about?

What comes next is going to be all the ways the narcissist wants you to feel. They know that when you stop caring, doing these things will ignite these emotions in you:

• Fear. They want you to fear what they’re capable of. What they know about you. Making you scared to leave them because you’ve been programmed to believe you can’t live without them.

• Intimidation. Your lack of care directly threatens them, and they only know how to retaliate times one thousand! They aren’t going to appreciate you pulling back, and will bully you into being the old you.

• Emptiness. You’re worthless. Your lack of care doesn’t bother them, because you never meant anything to them in the first place. They don’t want to know you, and often you may hear phrases like, “You’re dead to me now.” 

1. Rage

Narcissists are like volcanoes – full of rage that lays dormant until they feel like unleashing it onto you. 

It can surprise you, and it shocks you. Once you see it, you will always anticipate it. 

When you stop caring about them – it is more than possible to witness their rage attacks.

2. Discard

They’re officially done with you. They aren’t interested in trying to woo you or impress you, not after what you’ve spoken up and discovered. 

You’re of no use to them now you have seen them for who they really are. They can’t manipulate you.

They can’t control what you do or who you see. You don’t need them. You no longer care, so to them – you’re yesterday’s news. 

3. Revenge

It is a possibility that the pot of revenge can be cranked up here. Narcissists don’t like to be given the cold shoulder, and to punish you, they will hatch a plan to get back at you. 

Think of revenge along the lines of:

• Spreading lies about you
• Turning people against you
• Throwing your stuff away before you’ve had a chance to claim it all back
• Finding somebody else and professing their true love for them

3. Hoover

It’s never past a narcissist to attempt to hoover you back. If it’s worked in the past, they probably think it might work again.

Think of the usual ways they hoover you. It could be:

• Showing up at your work to profess their love for you
• Stalking you on social media or in person
• Sending constant texts or making calls to you to try to get to talk to you
• Making promises to change and be the person you want them to be

It’s all a ploy to try and get the control back, and change the narrative that they’re the bad guy. 

One Life

Not to want to sound like the cheesiest person on the planet but; you really do only get one life. 

If being with them was bad enough, withholding your care will ignite a whole new level in their evil streak. 

And as always, it’s you who suffers. You will be the one who falls victim to all of what I have spoken, and there’s no escaping it. 

When you give everything you have to a person who fails to appreciate, acknowledge, or love you in return, you abandon your entire being.

As time goes by, that abandonment will reach into every part of your life. 

You want to fix them. You over-give. You try your hardest to take care of the narcissist.

Not only will you push your well-being to one side, but you will also start to feel as though you don’t deserve to have any kind of well-being.

You simply stop caring.

It might start small.

Skipping lunch.

Staying up late to lose yourself watching TV.

Saying you’re ‘fine’ all the time, even when you’re not.

Ignoring warning signs, like a pain, or feeling unwell.

Then it gets bigger.