The time has come. You’re leaving. You made the choice after likely a long period of time questioning your worth and tolerating abuse.
And now you’re in a position where you are walking toward the door, ready to never turn around again.
But wait – what is that in the distance? The narcissist, with a trick or two up their sleeve.
You see – you can never go quietly.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Panic? You Bet!
It’s the running theme for this entire topic, and one I want you to keep in mind as you go through each point.
Panic sets in, and the narcissist knows they’re finally losing you.
This is where you hold your ground and ensure you follow through with every promise you made to yourself.
As the narcissist panics – let them. It’s nothing less than what they deserve after all they did to you.
#1 They Suddenly Become Everything You Ever Wanted
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Wrapping themselves up in shiny packaging, the narcissist will suddenly become everything you ever needed.
On the days you tearfully begged them to just be present and love you – they act as though they do.
The moments you wished they would notice you and let you be yourself without judgment or ridicule – they’re opening up the doors to your potential for you.
But what?
Is this not too little, too late?
Of course it is.
You’ve spent years wanting them to be the person they claimed to initially be, and the moment you say you’re leaving, they finally start showing you that version of themselves.
But don’t be fooled. This is far from genuine, and you’ll learn the hard way if you stay. It’s all designed to keep you close so they can continue to siphon supply from you.
#2 They Try to Guilt-Trip You
Why would you leave me?
Why go when I need you the most?
If you go, I will hurt myself.
I knew you always had a heart of stone.
I trusted you.
You have always let me down.
The spiel will be real!
The guilt-tripping is a craft the narcissist has learned to perfect over time, and the phrases they will pull out of their hat will touch the very sensitive part of your soul that drew the narcissist to you in the first place.
If you are trying to leave, prepare for that lure back based on nothing but yet another cheap tactic they try to use to get you to change your mind.
Ultimately that’s what all of this is about.
If they can change your mind and get you to stay, then they don’t have to find another form of supply.
But be prepared – things will be better for a short time before everything else falls back to normal eventually.
#3 They Play the Victim Loudly
Don’t they want everybody to know it?
The victim card is one of the most common cards used. If you’re leaving, they want everybody they (and you) know that it had nothing to do with them.
They will feign surprise as much as they will feign sadness, and trust me when I say there will be swarms of people who will believe them.
Think about all the times they’ve been a wonderfully charming person in public and once they get home, they’re toxic again.
Those were designed to throw people off the narcissistic scent, but it will come in handy.
When you try to say that you’re the victim, there’s no evidence if all others know is that fake, nice version of the narcissist.
#4 They Love-Bomb Someone Else Quickly
If you think lightning is fast, wait until a narcissist finds out that you’re leaving for good.
They will move like you’ve never seen before, pushing love toward somebody else in the most overwhelming way.
That’s what love-bombing is, folks. It’s overwhelming. It’s not natural, or nice, or offers room to grow as you accept it.
It’s suffocating and all for the motive of tricking you into believing that it’s actually love.
It’s not your turn any more – the narcissist changes direction and aims it to somebody new so they too can biome attached and in turn, begin a brand new cycle.
Luckily, that has nothing to do with you, and you can just step back and let them get on with it. You know the signs well, and now it’s not your responsibility to deal with the consequences.
#5 They Start Hoovering
Sometimes it can be you that receives all of the attention, and it’s a sad reminder of how desperate the narcissist is.
They’re clawing at whatever they can before you go. After all, all the other times they’ve hoovered you has worked, so why wouldn’t this time?
The difference here has to be you. Draw a line and promise yourself that you won’t go there again because you know what always happens when you do.
Heartache.
Stress.
Anxiety.
Empty promises.
Insecurity.
Fear.
Depression.
Continued loss of identity.
It’s not worth it, and you’ve already made your mind up to leave, so leave.
Don’t be tempted back by somebody who does not incline to treat you well.
#6 They Threaten or Intimidate You
The worst part about leaving an abusive relationship is the backlash you can get from your abuser. Let’s remember that this is exactly what narcissists are, guys – abusers.
Threats or intimidation may be aimed at you, and it can be scary. It can also be worrying when the threats become threats of harm to themselves if you leave because that will leave you not wanting to go for fear of them keeping to their word.
I want you to know that none of it is right, and none of it is healthy. Designed to keep you under their control and not leave – the narcissist will try anything and this is a common tactic used by many.
But, threats and intimidation hide weakness and fear. You’ve made this choice all by yourself, and you deserve to see it through.
Reach out to somebody you trust for help if you need it.
#7 They Try to Damage Your Reputation
It’s easy to spread a word like it’s the truth, isn’t it?
You’re this, you’re that, you’re terrible, you’re a liar, you’re a cheater; you’re everything the narcissist is.
Damaging your reputation is a cheap way to make you look like the bad guy, when in reality, it couldn’t be more different.
Narcissists punish this way because it’s all they have. You’ve turned against them and dented their pride, ego and image.
In their eyes, you can’t get away with that and walk away into a brand new life without one final reckoning.
My advice would be to just ride it out. Don’t overly defend yourself or try to prove you’re a good person. Those who know you well enough will know the truth and stand by you.
Leave the narcissist to battle their own inner demons, because they sure aren’t your problem any more.
Now, you’re a free person, and you should leave the past in the past.
