Ding dong! Is anybody home?
Oh look, it’s the poor little narcissist sitting on their couch, waiting for the world to invite them back into it.
Long enough they’ve spent isolated from everything that usually gives them a reason to be as toxic as they are, and they’ve hated it.
The question I get asked a lot is, why do narcissists hate being alone? What is it about their own company that makes them physically nauseous?
Oof. I can give you 8 reasons off the top of my head as to why they hate being home alone. I bet none of them will surprise you once you start thinking about it.
#1 Zero supply
Imagine you were driving through the Arizonian desert, and your car was running low on gas.
You stopped at every station, but they’d run out. Soon enough along the dusty road, your car sputters to a stop.
You’re done. You can’t physically move another yard.
Narcissists are pretty similar in terms of supply. If there is nobody around to take it from, their world crashes to a halt pretty darn fast. They can’t take any, nor even steal any.
Being alone will increase those chances incredibly, so it’s better for the narcissist to surround themselves with those who they know they can suck the life and soul out of in some way.
Even those they know will pass on gossip or be the carrier of gossip on their behalf all count.
If they’re alone? They’ve got nothing.
#2 Nobody to blame
When there’s nobody else around, there isn’t a soul to blame. It’s a huge part of why narcissists love to have company; because every person around them is a person they can somehow point the finger at.
You caused this!
If it weren’t for you, none of this would have happened.
Why do you always do this?
I think you’ll find you were the one who started it.
You’re just so frustrating.
And when they’re alone? Well, they can’t look into a mirror and say those words (even though technically, they should).
Being alone will mean they have to face up to the fact that there isn’t a scapegoat willing to take the flack nearby.
#3 “Am I forgotten?”
Does anybody love me?
Where are they?
Will I be forgotten?
Why isn’t anybody calling me?
Why is my doorbell not ringing?
The obvious answer would be because people are probably pleased that the narcissist isn’t around.
They’re glad for the peace, for the tranquility, for the opportunity to exist without judgment or criticism for a little while.
Being alone will get under the narcissist’s skin in a way that will make them assume their lack of presence is down to something personal.
And you know, it might be that everybody is busy living their life and doing their own thing.
That’s okay, but the narcissist wants to be involved with as many people as they can be, so they aren’t forgotten.
They think their character is one that’s worth remembering for good reasons, and I think that’s the most disturbing aspect of this point.
#4 Missing: inner peace
For you or I, inner peace might come from being home alone for a little bit.
Life gets hectic and you juggle so much that even an hour so you can be there with your thoughts and play catch up is all you need in order to feel better.
Inner peace should never be underestimated.
Unless you’re a narcissist. That inner peace does not exist. It’s a state of mind that narcissists don’t even know how to access, let alone authentically feel.
Being alone with their thoughts is a fairly dangerous game, and one that will usually involve the narcissist being triggered into remembering how much they despise themselves, or how worthless they really are underneath that thinly layered coat of armor.
#5 Being alone is the same as being worthless
Why would anybody equate being alone to being worthless? Your own company, I think, is a gift.
We are with ourselves all the time, and at times, we need to spend a little time clearing our minds, or thinking about important errands or plans.
I never think about myself as lacking worth just because nobody is around me. Narcissists aren’t built that way, though.
Being alone is a type of loneliness that creates the disillusion that they’re not worth hanging around with.
Nobody cares.
Why should they?
Nobody calls me to see who I am.
I guess I’m just not good enough to spend time with.
They will sometimes share these comments, and other times not. This is all dependent on how much they want to come across as being a real victim, and when they want to give themselves some dignity.
#6 Need constant distraction
When your child goes to the doctor for some kind of procedure, what do you notice?
Something is about to happen, but their job is to distract the child from any impending pain such as a needle.
La, la, la, la, la! Look at the bubbles!
Wow, can you see the cow in the picture?
That’s it, big smiles and happy songs!
Suddenly, there’s a glimpse of pain and realization that something hurt, perhaps followed by tears, perhaps not.
Narcissists need that kind of distraction in their lives, even though they’re fully fledged adults.
#7 Fear of being exposed
What is going on out there while the narcissist is cooped up at home alone?
Are people connecting the dots? Are they sharing accounts of abuse that they can collectively relate to?
According to the paranoid narcissist, yes. Remember, this paranoia stems from some kind of conscience.
If you didn’t have anything to worry about, why should you allow that worry to take over?
A narcissist fears every day that somebody will have the courage to stand up and expose them. If that happens, their world will shatter and never be the same again.
I’d say that was a small price to pay for being such a hideous person intent on causing trouble, right?
Let them stew at home, that’s what I say!
#8 Nobody to dump their crap onto
I’ve had such a hard life!
I am treated terribly!
Work is so busy, I am feeling stressed!
I am unwell, my back hurts!
If only you knew how difficult it is…
Oh, we know. Whenever you’re around us, you constantly tell us. That’s why you’re at home on your own today, so we don’t have to hear it.
Peace for you, maybe, but for the narcissist, they are living out their worst nightmare.
Nobody is there to listen to me pour out my crap to the world, so nobody can react to it or give me much needed sympathy!
Yeah, that’s a good thing. You haven’t even earned an ounce of it, so why should we?
Being home alone is hard work for anybody who thinks the world revolves around them. Narcissists just want to be the center of everybody’s attention.
I say this:
Stay home. We’re better off without your toxic glow infiltrating our natural light.
