I know you might not realize it, but there are things you do every day that helps you survive living with a narcissist.
Our bodies and minds are designed to work together to keep us alive when situations are less than ideal, and what works for you can see you through years with a person who is completely toxic for you.
Here are 7 weird things you do, and I bet in the comments, I am going to see a lot more from you.
#1 Sleep excessively
I know you might not even think too deeply about this one, but I urge you to give it a moment.
Sleep is crucial for being able to recover and process, and when you’re with a narcissist, you will need to do a lot of both of these things each and every day.
Life can feel like one big battlefield, and the only way to not take part, is to sleep.
Not only will you need to rest like all of us, you also need to gather energy from the constant fatigue that’s being thrown your way.
Sleep is a great way to do that, so if you’re feeling tired, that will be the reason behind needing to get as much Zzz time as possible.
Waking up at the end of a long sleep, or even needing several naps in the day just to get by proves that you are being put through too much.
As weird as it sounds, closing your eyes to catch up is healing for the body and mind.
Trust me when I say it knows exactly what to do to help you when you’ re living with a narcissist.
#2 Laughing: it hides pain
Laughing feels good, doesn’t it? I’m always reminded by the late, great Robin Williams, who made us all laugh.
He was always joking and smiling, and nobody would have thought in a million years there was suffering going on underneath it all.
That’s where we head for this next point. Your laughter hides a different kind of pain. You’re forcing people to think you’re fine, when you’re not.
You’re giving others the impression that you are in a great place, when the reality is, you’re struggling.
It makes sense. You want to carry on as normally as you possibly can, but the truth is, you are far from okay, and you are in survival mode.
Your smile might look nice, but it doesn’t clear the clouds of abuse.
#3 Emotional overwhelm causes easy breakdowns
When a person feels overwhelmed, there will be all manner of breakdowns. The problem isn’t that breakdown though, and I think that’s where people can be mistaken.
What got you there? How did this build so substantially over time? Why did it happen this way?
Breaking points can be low when you’re surviving living with a narcissist. You’re so used to drama and conflict that it doesn’t take much to get you to react in ways you probably don’t like living through.
Life with narcissists really does cause a great deal of pain, and if you’re feeling that every single day, you’re throwing up all kinds of emotions that are strong and intense.
We know why that’s happening, and to others it’s pretty weird, but to you, it’s normal. That’s exactly why you live like it for so long, isn’t it?
Normal feels familiar, even though it’s as far from healthy as you could get.
At least now you get the chance to accept that emotional overwhelm shouldn’t be a part of your day.
#4 You become easily reactive
While you might not realize it, being reactive toward a narcissist when they are goading you only really ever pays off for them.
You are left feeling exhausted trying to stand your ground. You feel like you’re constantly on the edge of yet another drama or conflict that you try desperately to avoid.
Your reactions are valid as the narcissist finds constant ways to push you to your limits. How much will you tolerate today?
What will be your breaking point? They get a kick out of trying to find out, and using you as the guinea pig.
When you snap, you;re entering into the abuse, and for many victims, this is what they feel is the only way to survive living with them.
There are other options though, with one being to disarm them with your strong silence.
#5 Heavy emotions cause you to binge eat
I don’t think this is talked about nearly enough, but emotional eating is a strong way for victims to feel like they have control – even though they still don’t.
You lean into the foods that make you feel good, because it’s really the only thing that does make you feel that way.
Just for a moment, you get the high, the kick you want that you’re lacking in your relationship.
Food is always there for you, no questions asked, and you think it can never mistreat you, but it can.
Living with a narcissist is a miserable time, and I understand the dynamics behind wanting to at least eat that box of cookies to release those feel-good hormones.
But there are long term implications for continuing to do this without getting a hold on it.
In time, binge eating can lead to more complex eating disorders and changes to your weight and physical health that may make you feel even more self-conscious .
#6 Overly attaching to animals: safety
Animals give unconditional love, and I think if you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, this is something you will be craving more than anybody else.
A hug without question, a walk without drama, a greeting at the door without silent treatment or some sarcastic comment.
What a treat for those who otherwise receive none of the kind, and that’s why in order to feel like you’re surviving, you tend to attach to the animals who provide that love, safety and affection toward you.
You know they will never hurt you, and they reiterate and confirm to you that you are loveable.
These are feelings you wish you had from your narcissistic partner, but having that cozy cat or dog on the couch is enough to settle your nervous system.
#7 Hum
Have you ever noticed how people who are being abused tend to hum while they’re pottering around the house?
Doing yardwork, the dishes, getting dressed; whatever it may be. Humming has been studied and proven to relax and calm the nervous system when it’s out of whack.
It stimulates the vagus nerve which in turn leads to a period of feeling comfortable and safe, and it’s all to do with the vibration your throat makes.
It’s no wonder that many victims resort to humming a tune, or even making one up as they go about their day.
I don’t know if you do it, or if you realize you’re doing it, but it’s something to think about the next time you feel like you need grounding.
I know it sounds weird, but it’s just another thing survivors do when they live with a narcissist, because it works.
