7 Ways Narcissists Test Victims

I know what you’re thinking.

“If they loved me, why are they testing me?”

It wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to question the love of somebody constantly putting pressure on you and pushing you to your limits.

It isn’t normal, yet people who experience narcissistic abuse end up being continually tested. It doesn’t end well for those being put under the spotlight, that’s for sure.

I’ve got why narcissists test and the seven ways they do test right here for you.

Test? …

You heard me right…

It seems so backward to be testing the person you’re supposed to love – but that’s another conversation entirely…

Testing occurs because narcissists are constantly scoping you out. 

How much can I push you until I get what I want from you?

But Why?!

Narcissists enjoy it – I’m not going to lie. That’s the simplest version I can offer you, which I know will hurt you because you love them.

They aren’t content unless they are making other people completely unhappy. But before that, narcissists will put their victims on a pedestal and tell them they’re the best thing.

You’re their next victim, and you’re going to know about it!

What Do They Gain?

Well, if I told you that they gain the confirmation that they’re able to meddle and win, it’s enough for them to determine their power over everything.

Ultimately, that’s what it’s about.

Hunger for power.

Hunger for being in control.

Hunger to make you unhappy.

Hunger to dispel their inner resentment and anger onto you.

Ways Narcissists Test Their Victims

#1 Hoovering

Hoovering isn’t something any narcissist should be proud of. They know they’re leading their victim down the garden path by enforcing pseudo-attention onto them, but you know what?

It works! 

I’m not happy that it works, but think about it. What do people want when it comes to love or friendship?

They want a little attention. They enjoy the compliments. They want that time together. The laughs. The sex. The fun. The feeling of ‘forever.’

Of course, this serves as nothing but a test to them. A test to see how much you can fall under their spell and believe what they say, even if none of it is true. 

It’s also a test of your own character. How much you buy into their lies and manipulation, so they know exactly how to buy you back after a future and very inevitable discard.

Ask yourself if your experience with a narcissist began with a very intense and fast period of courting, dating, attention and affection.

It did, right?

Well, there you have it.

You yourself, were tested. 

#2 Throwing Tantrums

When tantrums are thrown, quite often the person throwing them is doing it to see how much and how far they can push you. 

If they shout, how loud will you shout?

Will you apologize? Will you crumble? Will you cry? Will you beg and plead? 

Testing you this way tests your loyalty to how much you want the relationship to work.

You see, narcissists need to know how much you want them and love them. It’s their sole desire out of sheer desperation to know they mean something to you – to anybody.

Tantrums aren’t pleasant – nobody likes to be caught up in them.

But it is a strong way for a narcissist to test their victim. It ensures the victim also knows who is in control. 

#3 Giving You The Silent Treatment

It is the worst way to treat somebody. Leaving them high and dry, wondering what you’ve done wrong, walking on eggshells, waiting for their mood to change…

…Waiting for it all to be over.

The silent treatment is a test of your patience, too. They wonder if you’ll burst at the silence, so they can blame you for overreacting. They hope you’ll break down and cry and beg for them to talk to you again. 

Say something, please! What did I do wrong? How can I make it better? Help me help you!

Can you see all the attention the narcissist is getting, and all the ways you’d be encouraging that based on nothing but their decision to not speak to you?

It’s truly toxic.

#4 Question After Question

What really gets you annoyed?

Tell me, somebody who has really hurt you in the past.

What did they do to you?

Why are you going out at this hour?

Are you wearing that out in public?

Do you ever stop eating?

Why can’t you just appreciate me more?

Do you love your friends more than me?

With every question comes an answer you want to give, and it may not be what they want to hear. The test is to see if you can fall into line and appease them with the right answers. 

Because narcissists can fire so many questions your way, you might end up feeling totally confused by them all. 

Through habit, you’ll just end up saying whatever it is they want to hear.

#5 “Woe is Me”

How quickly can you rush to the aid of a narcissist?

Well, they will use their victim mentality to test you!

I feel terrible! 

I am so unwell!

I really need your help!

Please, please come and support me today. I know you had plans. Can you cancel them?

Narcissists love to know they are on your Speed dial #1!

They will throw this test at you when you least expect it, hoping you will drop everything to be with them or to get what they need. 

Are they really unwell?

Never!

#6 Threatening To Leave: Loyalty

How loyal are you, exactly? If the narcissist threatened to leave, would you prove your loyalty by begging them to stay? Begging them for another chance, even though you’ve done nothing wrong?

Every now and then, your feelings for them will be put to the test by their threats to leave. They need a little excitement and want to see you respond.

All that does is confirm they are still in control.

If you looked and said, “Fine, okay. Leave if that’s what you want to do,” they wouldn’t know what to say or do. 

#7 Boundaries

Your boundaries aren’t there to be played with – but that won’t stop the narcissist. They love to push them further and further back, pretending they don’t even exist in the first place.

If you have boundaries, you will be blamed, shamed, and made to feel guilty for them, even if they exist.

But it’s me. How can you have boundaries with me?! 

They become almost childlike and will test your alliance with them by seeing if they don’t count when it comes to your boundaries.

Beware!