I know what you’re thinking.

“If they loved me, why are they testing me?”

It wouldn’t be unreasonable for you to question the love of somebody constantly putting pressure on you and pushing you to your limits.

It isn’t normal, yet people who experience narcissistic abuse end up being continually tested. It doesn’t end well for those being put under the spotlight, that’s for sure.

I’ve got why narcissists test and the seven ways they do test right here for you.

Test? …

You heard me right…

It seems so backward to be testing the person you’re supposed to love – but that’s another conversation entirely…

Testing occurs because narcissists are constantly scoping you out. 

How much can I push you until I get what I want from you?

But Why?!

Narcissists enjoy it – I’m not going to lie. That’s the simplest version I can offer you, which I know will hurt you because you love them.

They aren’t content unless they are making other people completely unhappy. But before that, narcissists will put their victims on a pedestal and tell them they’re the best thing.

You’re their next victim, and you’re going to know about it!

What Do They Gain?

Well, if I told you that they gain the confirmation that they’re able to meddle and win, it’s enough for them to determine their power over everything.

Ultimately, that’s what it’s about.

Hunger for power.

Hunger for being in control.

Hunger to make you unhappy.

Hunger to dispel their inner resentment and anger onto you.

Ways Narcissists Test Their Victims

#1 Hoovering

Hoovering isn’t something any narcissist should be proud of. They know they’re leading their victim down the garden path by enforcing pseudo-attention onto them, but you know what?

It works! 

I’m not happy that it works, but think about it. What do people want when it comes to love or friendship?

They want a little attention. They enjoy the compliments. They want that time together. The laughs. The intimacy. The fun. The feeling of ‘forever.’

Of course, this serves as nothing but a test to them. A test to see how much you can fall under their spell and believe what they say, even if none of it is true. 

It’s also a test of your own character. How much you buy into their lies and manipulation, so they know exactly how to buy you back after a future and very inevitable discard.

Ask yourself if your experience with a narcissist began with a very intense and fast period of courting, dating, attention and affection.

It did, right?

Well, there you have it.

You yourself, were tested. 

#2 Throwing Tantrums

When tantrums are thrown, quite often the person throwing them is doing it to see how much and how far they can push you. 

If they shout, how loud will you shout?

Will you apologize? Will you crumble? Will you cry? Will you beg and plead? 

Testing you this way tests your loyalty to how much you want the relationship to work.

You see, narcissists need to know how much you want them and love them. It’s their sole desire out of sheer desperation to know they mean something to you – to anybody.

Tantrums aren’t pleasant – nobody likes to be caught up in them.

But it is a strong way for a narcissist to test their victim. It ensures the victim also knows who is in control. 

#3 Giving You The Silent Treatment

It is the worst way to treat somebody. Leaving them high and dry, wondering what you’ve done wrong, walking on eggshells, waiting for their mood to change…

…Waiting for it all to be over.

The silent treatment is a test of your patience, too. They wonder if you’ll burst at the silence, so they can blame you for overreacting.

They hope you’ll break down and cry and beg for them to talk to you again. 

Say something, please! What did I do wrong? How can I make it better? Help me help you!

Can you see all the attention the narcissist is getting, and all the ways you’d be encouraging that based on nothing but their decision to not speak to you?

It’s truly toxic.

#4 Question After Question

What really gets you annoyed?

Tell me, somebody who has really hurt you in the past.

What did they do to you?

Why are you going out at this hour?

Are you wearing that out in public?

Do you ever stop eating?

Why can’t you just appreciate me more?

Do you love your friends more than me?

Every question comes an answer you want to give, and it may not be what they want to hear. The test is to see if you can follow through and appease them with the right answers. 

Because narcissists can fire so many questions your way, you might end up feeling totally confused by them all. 

Through habit, you’ll just end up saying whatever it is they want to hear.

#5 “Woe is Me”

How quickly can you rush to the aid of a narcissist?

Well, they will use their victim mentality to test you!

I feel terrible! 

I am so unwell!

I really need your help!

Please, please come and support me today. I know you had plans. Can you cancel them?

Narcissists love to know they are on your Speed dial #1!

They will throw this test at you when you least expect it, hoping you will drop everything to be with them or to get what they need. 

Are they really unwell?

Never!

#6 Threatening To Leave: Loyalty

How loyal are you, exactly? If the narcissist threatened to leave, would you prove your loyalty by begging them to stay? Begging them for another chance, even though you’ve done nothing wrong?

Every now and then, their threats to leave will test your feelings for them. They need a little excitement and want to see you respond.

All that does is confirm they are still in control.

If you looked and said, “Fine, okay. Leave if that’s what you want to do,” they wouldn’t know what to say or do. 

#7 Boundaries

Your boundaries aren’t there to be played with – but that won’t stop the narcissist. They love to push them further and further back, pretending they don’t even exist in the first place.

If you have boundaries, you will be blamed, shamed, and made to feel guilty for them, even if they exist.

But it’s me. How can you have boundaries with me?! 

They become almost childlike and will test your alliance with them by seeing if they don’t count when it comes to your boundaries.

Beware!

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair. 

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer. 

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be. 

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others. 

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose. 

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game. 

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending. 

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody. 

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends. 

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist. 

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something. 

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense. 

Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.

When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with. 

I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.

Lies catch up with everybody. 

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes. 

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible. 

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame. 

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard. 

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again. 

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you. 

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event. 

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it. 

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving. 

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game. 

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.