Shock horror!
The narcissist has double standards!
As if we are even slightly surprised, right?
They say one thing, they mean another. They say one thing, they do another.
But what about when it comes to money? Narcissists and money are a real minefield, but finding out about double standards and finances is going to be a real eye-opener.
Let’s not wait any longer!
Shall we?
#1 They Expect You to Spend, But They’re Stingy With You
When the narcissist expects you to put your hand in your pocket, nothing should come as more of a shock to you that in actually fact:
They hate doing the same for you!
That’s right.
And it goes hand in hand with their large aura of entitlement, right? They demand from you what they will never give back.
So somehow, you’re always the spending, while they don’t ever return that financial favor.
It’s totally contradictory that they treat you this way, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
Money to them is like a cushion to their ego. The more they have, the more successful they feel.
So when it comes to the possibility of parting with any – they won’t – unless they have to.
#2 They Call You Irresponsible While Frittering Cash Themselves
Do you know how much you’re spending right now?
Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered!
Let me pay, I insist!
Oh wow, that photo frame is only $199!
You are so irresponsible with your money, did anybody ever tell you that?
I’m sorry, is this the pot calling the kettle black?
Why is it okay for the narcissist to do one thing while telling you not to do exactly the same?!
I’ll tell you why.
Because the narcissist makes the rules up as they go along. What applies to them doesn’t apply to you.
You are to do as you are told, and they get the easy, ree ride out of every difficult situation.
If you see a narcissist pull out a wad of cash fro their back pocket to spend on the most ridiculous of things, while telling you off for spending a fraction – beware.
These are red flags I simply cannot stress enough that are present.
#3 They Hide Money But Demand Honesty From You
Narcissists are so good at hiding money. They have wads of cash everywhere, and they will never tell you they exist.
This money isn’t for anything in particular, but they deem it handy to have around when the shit hits the fan, or when they are in a situation where they want to collate it all and pull it out to impress.
But if you do the same? My God. You will never hear the end of it!
You hid all this money from me and you didn’t tell me?
What were you planning to do, run away?
Hey – I wouldn’t judge you if those were your plans.
#4 They Use Money to Punish or Reward You
Well done! You did this! Have some money to celebrate!
If you can’t be careful with how you spend money, then I will just take your cards away from you.
Money is seen as a punishment or reward system, and I hate to say it, but you’re going to take front and center stage of each one.
These double standards can have a real effect on how you, the victim, sees money. Many people who have these dealings with narcissists fear money, and are scared of either not having any, or spending too much.
It’s cruel and unnecessary to put people through this kind of treatment, but narcissists know it’s just a way for them to keep hold of more and more control and power.
#5 They Expect Help Without Ever Returning It
Can you loan me some money? I am running low this month.
I’ll pay you back.
Yeah, right. You’re never going to see that money.
The worst part is, once they know you are a keen lender, they will keep coming back for more and more, and you will give away everything you have just to keep them happy.
Your life isn’t dependent on how they treat you, and giving them money isn’t going to make them like you more.
All they see you as, is an ATM. Don’t let it happen, especially if it means you run short.
#6 They Guilt You for Financial Independence
Why can’t you work more? It’s unfair that I have to do it all.
Oh, so you think you’re better than me just because you earn more?
You wouldn’t be where you are without me.
Why are you always so busy? Do I not matter to you any more?
Nothing you do will be right.
Nothing you say will be right.
And whatever your financial situation, it will also never be what the narcissist wants.
You want to be financially independent. But the narcissist always makes you feel bad for it.
Why?
Because they want you to need them. If you need them, you will always be dependent on them. They get to make the rules, they set the standard, and they have all the power and control.
That’s not what you want, but it’s the way the narcissistic world spins.
Because guess what? If you didn’t have any money, they would absolutely rip you to pieces for it!
Why am I always paying for everything?
Why can’t you work more hours?
Do you not know how much pressure you put on me every time you rely on me for money?
See how whatever you do – it’s wrong. It’s never right.
It’s a sad, but very real fact.
#7 They Weaponize Generosity
Who is familiar with the following phrase:
After everything I’ve done for you!
It’s the worst, and we all know how common it is. You take something the narcissist offers, with all good intent.
At the time, they probably forced it upon you and told you that you have no choice but to accept.
Let me give you an example of this, name changes of course in play.
Millie knew her father was a narcissist. She bought a house with her partner, Paul, and they were getting on with decorating it.
One evening, Millie’s father turned up at their house and told them both that they needed him.
Those were his actual words!
You need me.
He offered to pay for a decorator to come by and get all the work they needed to get done.
Paul accepted and said how kind it was, and when her father left, Millie burst into tears.
Paul wanted to know what was wrong, and Millie said:
“He does this. He offers things and then he will use it against us at a later date.”
Paul at the time didn’t understand, but he learned the hard way after he heard her father had been telling people that he “had” to pay for their house to be decorated, like it was a huge problem.
They both heard that he’d said, “After all I did for them!” on several occasions.
This was far from the fact.
If you’re going to offer to do something, don’t use it as a weapon at a later time.
