Shock horror!

The narcissist has double standards!

As if we are even slightly surprised, right?

They say one thing, they mean another. They say one thing, they do another.

But what about when it comes to money? Narcissists and money are a real minefield, but finding out about double standards and finances is going to be a real eye-opener.

Let’s not wait any longer!

Shall we?

#1 They Expect You to Spend, But They’re Stingy With You

When the narcissist expects you to put your hand in your pocket, nothing should come as more of a shock to you that in actually fact:

They hate doing the same for you!

That’s right.

And it goes hand in hand with their large aura of entitlement, right? They demand from you what they will never give back.

So somehow, you’re always the spending, while they don’t ever return that financial favor. 

It’s totally contradictory that they treat you this way, but I wouldn’t be surprised. 

Money to them is like a cushion to their ego. The more they have, the more successful they feel.

So when it comes to the possibility of parting with any – they won’t – unless they have to.

#2 They Call You Irresponsible While Frittering Cash Themselves

Do you know how much you’re spending right now?

Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered!

Let me pay, I insist!

Oh wow, that photo frame is only $199!

You are so irresponsible with your money, did anybody ever tell you that?

I’m sorry, is this the pot calling the kettle black?

Why is it okay for the narcissist to do one thing while telling you not to do exactly the same?!

I’ll tell you why.

Because the narcissist makes the rules up as they go along. What applies to them doesn’t apply to you.

You are to do as you are told, and they get the easy, ree ride out of every difficult situation. 

If you see a narcissist pull out a wad of cash fro their back pocket to spend on the most ridiculous of things, while telling you off for spending a fraction – beware.

These are red flags I simply cannot stress enough that are present.

#3 They Hide Money But Demand Honesty From You

Narcissists are so good  at hiding money. They have wads of cash everywhere, and they will never tell you they exist. 

This money isn’t for anything in particular, but they deem it handy to have around when the shit hits the fan, or when they are in a situation where they want to collate it all and pull it out to impress. 

But if you do the same? My God. You will never hear the end of it!

You hid all this money from me and you didn’t tell me?

What were you planning to do, run away?

Hey – I wouldn’t judge you if those were your plans. 

#4 They Use Money to Punish or Reward You

Well done! You did this! Have some money to celebrate!

If you can’t be careful with how you spend money, then I will just take your cards away from you.

Money is seen as a punishment or reward system, and I hate to say it, but you’re going to take front and center stage of each one.

These double standards can have a real effect on how you, the victim, sees money. Many people who have these dealings with narcissists fear money, and are scared of either not having any, or spending too much.

It’s cruel and unnecessary to put people through this kind of treatment, but narcissists know it’s just a way for them to keep hold of more and more control and power. 

#5 They Expect Help Without Ever Returning It

Can you loan me some money? I am running low this month.

I’ll pay you back.

Yeah, right. You’re never going to see that money.

The worst part is, once they know you are a keen lender, they will keep coming back for more and more, and you will give away everything you have just to keep them happy.

Your life isn’t dependent on how they treat you, and giving them money isn’t going to make them like you more. 

All they see you as, is an ATM. Don’t let it happen, especially if it means you run short. 

#6 They Guilt You for Financial Independence

Why can’t you work more? It’s unfair that I have to do it all.

Oh, so you think you’re better than me just because you earn more?

You wouldn’t be where you are without me.

Why are you always so busy? Do I not matter to you any more?

Nothing you do will be right.

Nothing you say will be right.

And whatever your financial situation, it will also never be what the narcissist wants. 

You want to be financially independent. But the narcissist always makes you feel bad for it.

Why?

Because they want you to need them. If you need them, you will always be dependent on them. They get to make the rules, they set the standard, and they have all the power and control.

That’s not what you want, but it’s the way the narcissistic world spins. 

Because guess what? If you didn’t have any money, they would absolutely rip you to pieces for it!

Why am I always paying for everything?

Why can’t you work more hours?

Do you not know how much pressure you put on me every time you rely on me for money?

See how whatever you do – it’s wrong. It’s never right. 

It’s a sad, but very real fact. 

#7 They Weaponize Generosity

Who is familiar with the following phrase:

After everything I’ve done for you!

It’s the worst, and we all know how common it is. You take something the narcissist offers, with all good intent.

At the time, they probably forced it upon you and told you that you have no choice but to accept. 

Let me give you an example of this, name changes of course in play.

Millie knew her father was a narcissist. She bought a house with her partner, Paul, and they were getting on with decorating it.

One evening, Millie’s father turned up at their house and told them both that they needed him.

Those were his actual words!

You need me.

He offered to pay for a decorator to come by and get all the work they needed to get done. 

Paul accepted and said how kind it was, and when her father left, Millie burst into tears.

Paul wanted to know what was wrong, and Millie said:

“He does this. He offers things and then he will use it against us at a later date.”

Paul at the time didn’t understand, but he learned the hard way after he heard her father had been telling people that he “had” to pay for their house to be decorated, like it was a huge problem.

They both heard that he’d said, “After all I did for them!” on several occasions.

This was far from the fact. 

If you’re going to offer to do something, don’t use it as a weapon at a later time. 

What Narcissists Really Think About You?

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist.

You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice.

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

“Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

“I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness is going to be abused later on. 

Those who are genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient so far. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in.

You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you. Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings.

They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

…Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.