They do it all the time, don’t they?

Somehow, narcissists manage to drive their victims absolutely wild (for all the wrong reasons) in no time at all.

I say ‘somehow’ like I want you all to be surprised by it, but don’t be!

They’re full of nasty surprises, like buying a dodgy used car. You roll it off the forecourt and the lights start flashing.

Well – let this topic be your flashing lights because you need to learn exactly what it is narcissists do that drive you crazy.

#1 Gaslighting You Mid-Conversation

Hold on, I don’t think you’re remembering it the way it actually happened.

You’re getting confused. I didn’t say that.

I think you sound really tired. You need to go to bed and sleep on it.

It’s not right to hear this bullshit, is it? But yet, it can really leave a nasty scar, and one that you will always in some way walk with. 

Gaslighting you when you have something to say – perhaps something important – is not fair or right.

But it’s how the narcissist breaks your version of reality and tries to replace it with their own. 

And I am sad to say – it works. Until it doesn’t, of course. 

#2 Backhanded Compliments That Cut Deep

That was really clever for you!

I have to say I am surprised you got the job based on your skillset, but congratulations.

You smile briefly, and then it disappears because you hear what the narcissist is actually saying to you. 

And yeah, they cut so deeply.

Why can’t they just be happy for you? Is it that difficult?

Of course it is! You’re dealing with somebody who hates to see you happy, so they try to bring you down a peg or two each time you’re given the chance to be so. 

Eventually, those backhanded compliments will be phrases you dread, so you stop achieving. You stop chasing success, and you just live day to day. 

#3 Sudden Coldness After Love-Bombing

Coldness after being shown such love and affection can hurt and confuse victims of narcissistic abuse.

What has changed?

What did I do so wrong that’s made them go so cold?

Why does it have to be this way?

What’s wrong with me?

There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s just how narcissists operate. They never want to be one emotion for too long, because then you won’t be addicted to the drastic changes that occur during these abusive relationships. 

It’s not fair to be cold, especially after such an intense period of loving you, and trying to show you how important and amazing you are. 

That’s why love-bombing is toxic, and only dished out to make you latch on and be attached to them in ways that make it very difficult to break away. 

This is something to be mindful of, as in the long term it will drive you absolutely crazy. 

#4 Triangulation

All it takes is a second of the narcissist spotting you getting too close to somebody for them to decide they want to intervene – for all the wrong reasons.

A strong ally is seen as a threat, and so their usual tactic is to come between the both of you and create misery and chaos. 

Imagine you and a friend are seeing more of each other. The narcissist doesn’t like your friend, and they think this person is going to influence you away from the narcissist.

What are their options?

They must divide to conquer!

They will start spreading rumors, or telling one or the other person how much the other really doesn’t think of them. 

Soon enough, there is a fallout, and you can’t really understand where it came from. 

I’m here to tell you that it was the narcissist. It doesn’t take long at all to do, and it will leave you feeling totally crazy.

#5 Interrupting and Talking Over You

Let me get into this one for you, because it’s a really interesting take on frustration.

You are a kind person, right? You’re patient, tolerant, and you like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I hear you, and I respect that. We should all be like that. 

The narcissist is not like that. That’s why they’re attracted to you. They can do whatever they want and know they can pretty much walk all over you. 

And so – what a joy you are when you come along and give them automatic permission to say what they want, cut into your conversation, and talk all over you all the time.

That craziness you feel by it is internalized.

It makes your heart pump fast. You feel the blood boil over time, but you’re that good person. So you bite the bullet and let them do it again and again. 

Meanwhile, guess what? 

The narcissist loves being able to assert their power over you by being the louder voice.

The idea of making you both feel and look small appeals to them – so they continue.

This is all about dynamics and ranks, and you are the one who is always made to fall in line. 

Wherever they are, even if it’s just the two of you, they want you to know that whatever they say is more important and of higher value than whatever comes out of your mouth. 

Does that not tell you everything you need to know about them as a person? 

If it doesn’t, now is the moment it should. 

You deserve more than to be driven crazy by the narcissist who evidently has no respect for you, both in and out of conversation. 

#6 Using Your Insecurities Like Weapons

Insecurities are no joke, but narcissists make them feel like they are, don’t they? I hate it. I hate how they make the people I talk to feel, and how that in turn affects everything they think, say or do.

Yet here we are. 

While my work deals with those who feel like they’ve been driven crazy by the narcissist, it’s also the most unfair and brutal way to acknowledge exactly how destructive they can be. 

Think about what you’re insecure about.

The way you look? The way you laugh? What you wear? Your career? Hopes? Dreams? 

I could go on and on, couldn’t I?

Narcissists love to get stuck into any aspect of your life, no matter what it is. As long as there are insecurities, the narcissist will find a way to draw them out of you like they’re drawing blood. 

So when you say or do something they don’t like, the first thing they do is fire at you a plethora of material they’ve got up their sleeve. 

There’s that mood of yours again. You’re so impossible.

Do you honestly think you’re going to get the job looking like that?

Why are you even going for the job? You’re obviously not qualified. 

You know, I think the reason you have no friends is because you just can’t be yourself.

When a narcissist is bothered, they will draw on their weapons to protect themselves. Using them this way is unfair, not to mention cruel. 

And yes – it really does drive victims crazy. 

What Narcissists Really Think About You?

You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist. 

You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.

Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice. 

If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.

If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.

Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…

…And it’s not good.

You Think You Know Them?

Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them. 

I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic. 

After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.

The same can be said for what they really think about you.

Living Your Best Life, Until…

They come along!

It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into. 

Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?

How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?

Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy

It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have. 

For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.

Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!

That’s where it ends, though, right?

I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.

Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.

They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.

Is that normal?

Nope!

Is that right?

Absolutely not!

“Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”

They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.

How dare they smile and have things go their way?!

The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!

Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up. 

I could go on forever. 

Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.

“I Can Get Away With Anything!”

Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes. 

Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness is going to be abused later on. 

Those who are genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?

Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again. 

They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient so far. 

There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.

And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend. 

They Don’t Love You

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial. 

Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.

I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t. 

You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.

Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains. 

I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them. 

I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game. 

Threatened By Your Success…

If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately. 

Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in. 

You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you. Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all. 

The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.

So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings. 

They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.

That’ll get them noticed!

They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves. 

What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?

Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.

…Pleased When You Fail!

The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).

Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.

You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.

Nope.

Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides. 

Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.