When love walks into your life, you immediately file it under ‘happy ever after.’
That’s it. You’re done. The rest of your life can do what it needs to do, as long as you’ve got love, you’ve got it all.
There are things you’d never expect that person you love to do.
Behaviors that only belong with somebody full of hate and loathing, and that doesn’t tick the box of the person you’re with, right?
…Right…?
#1 They forget your birthday but expect praise on theirs
Your birthday is a special occasion, and if it isn’t, it should be. If you’re not treating it as a day to celebrate you, then there’s got to be some kind of reason behind it.
Sometimes that reason can involve a narcissist, and that’s where it matters today.
When you love somebody and you’re with them in a relationship, surely your birthday should be recognized.
I fail to see any other way to treat the date, and neither should you.
Forgetting your birthday is usually a purposefully thought out move by the narcissist as the ultimate way to make you feel like you don’t matter.
They tell you they love you throughout the year, yet their actions never match as they drop the importance when you expect it the most.
But wait. If you were to do this to them, you would never hear the end of it.
The narcissist would make your life so hellish if you so much as give them anything less than they feel they deserve.
#2 They get angry when you’re sick or tired
Why would anybody get angry just because you’re sick or feeling exhausted?
Life is hard, and sometimes it can feel like we’ve been hit by a bus. Kids get sick, we get sick, work overloads us, and bills still need to be paid.
It doesn’t take much to be trapped by all of this and just need to press pause for a little while.
But while you’re pressing pause, the narcissist is asking where their dinner is, or why you haven’t ironed their shirt for work.
Um, hello? Have you noticed I’m running a fever of 103 on the couch for the third day running?
Sure they have. But why should their world stop just because you can’t muster any strength?
It makes them peeved to see you put yourself first, even though quite literally, life is giving you no other choice in that moment.
You’re not partying the night away without them, you’re running on empty.
#3 They mirror your personality (at first)
The mirroring of your personality seems lovely at first. You don’t fully see the mirroring, you just see that you’ve got so much in common.
It’s nice, if anything, but what you don’t know is that it’s also fake.
Mirroring is solely designed to manipulate you and create a trauma bond so strong that you’ll never dream of leaving the narcissist.
They obsess over interrogating you with questions that probe your past and allow them access to your innermost vulnerabilities and fears so they can use them against you at a later date.
Then when they do and you start to fall apart, they can lea in and be the hero by making everything better again.
Oh my goodness, look at you so upset. Come here. I totally forget that you get triggered by loud noises.
Not many people can cover both the hero and villain character in somebody’s life, but a narcissist will perfect it.
#4 They’re strangely obsessed with being liked
You’re on a night out together, and rather than focus on you and having fun, they’re obsessed with every little thing somebody says to them.
If there’s an excuse to show off their car, watch, job, or money, they will leave you hanging while they go get the attention that’s flooding their way.
It’s all about being liked. If there’s an opportunity to brag and earn stranger brownie points, they’re going to grab them at speed.
Why? Because first impressions matter. They know the more you get to know them, the more the mask slips, which is why they love those moments of meeting somebody, sharing a joke or a compliment, and raising somebody’s opinion of them.
Pretty sad!
#5 When you express your feelings, they act confused
What’s so confusing about opening your heart up to the person you’re with? Is it that terrible that you’ve put out some of what you’re thinking of going through that they just look at you like you are some kind of alien?
Reaching out to a narcissist for a connection only to be met with nothing but static is hurtful, and won’t gain much traction for a strong future together.
But I think you already know that. That’s why you spend so much time hoping rather than living in the moment.
Partners are there to support and listen, and if you’ve got big feelings, they need to have big ears.
Acting confused only shuts down what you’re trying to say, so you never actually learn to overcome anything together.
Confusion is just another way to deny you of what you’re experiencing, in the hope that you will glaze over them over time.
#6 They apologize… without apologizing
The age old, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or, “Well I am sorry for everything I’ve ever done,” just doesn’t cut it, does it?
Stop assuming these are real apologies, because they’re not. They are in fact, the narcissist’s way of using your emotions to make you feel guilty.
You want, and are probably owed a reflective apology, but instead all you get is the narcissist seemingly wanting to shift what they did wrong back to you.
They’re not sorry, they just want an excuse to feel like the victim yet again, in a situation they created.
Somebody you love would be more than keen to lay their heart out for you and tell you how sorry they are.
On top of that, they will not do that thing that made you upset again. That’s a real apology – when it comes laced with action.
#7 They create chaos before important events
If you’re headed toward an important event or a cool occasion you’ve been building up to, narcissists will ruin every last moment.
They want to see your smile fade rather than grow, and the feeling of dread grow while your excitement fades.
Once they realize the occasion is bigger than them, they understand the level of attention they will receive will be next to nothing.
It’s better to just treat that occasion with disdain instead, and wreck it with their bad moods, stress, silent treatment, or sabotage of the event entirely.
Don’t be surprised if you become programmed to not look forward to anything scheduled on your calendar.
You’ll think, “Why am I not excited about this vacation coming?” It’s because you will have experienced it being chaotic leading up to the last one, with very little in the way of improvement once you actually get to your destination.
Somebody you love? Yeah. They would never do that to you.
