I like to say to people this:
Treat life as if you’re just taking one step at a time. One foot in front of the other.
And I mean it, with one condition.
If you’re taking one step in front of the other, it has to be away from narcissists.
Don’t start walking toward them, and certainly don’t walk back to them.
If you do, these 7 things will definitely happen.
#1 Love bombing and false promises
You remember it the first time, right? It was intense, for all the right reasons.
When you met them, sparks flew. Magic field the air. Love blossomed. You had never felt anything like it before, and you feel like you probably won’t again. But there’s more.
The promises.
Oh, the sweet promises.
One day, you and I are going to have a fairytale wedding.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
You’re the only person I ever want to be intimate with.
I promise to love you forever.
You take it all in, after all, it’s what you have always wanted. And you feel so lucky that you met them and are having those beautiful feelings reciprocated.
Then the abuse took over, and finally, you broke up. Now the choice you have is either heal and move on, or go back. Let me say one thing.
You cannot heal in the environment that made you sick.
Going back to the narcissist might seem like a way for you to get those happy hormones going again, especially with all those love-bombing gestures.
But it will only lead to more hurt, and more pain.
#2 Quick return to old behavior
It’s a sad fact you have to face, and I can’t apologize for being so direct with you here.
Old behavior will rise.
I don’t care how pretty they tie up the gift of trying again or starting over. It’s fool’s gold.
Underneath is a dark mess, one that you’re quite aware of already because you have a strong long history with the narcissist.
So hear me, and really listen.
Going back to the narcissist will drag up all the negative feelings, memories and experiences you had together.
As well as that, it will drag up all the negative feelings you have about yourself.
Do you want to put yourself through it all over again?
Please say no.
Saying no means you get to walk the other way and never return. Saying yes will keep you stuck in that painful cycle of abuse, and I get you kind of love that initial high.
But what goes up, must come back down again.
That includes the relationship.
#3 Loss of trust and self-esteem
Whatever you gained when you left them will be lost when you return.
Whatever you lost when you left them will be gained when you go back.
Let me be clear. You will have gained confidence in yourself. You would have learned that you can never trust them.
You’d have discovered the freedom of finding and building your self-esteem.
You can and will do all of this away from the presence of the narcissist. Which only leaves the huge issue of losing it all the moment you step back into that dynamic.
And knowing you’re heading back into the fire, you will put yourself down as somebody who ultimately makes terrible decisions which only enhances the lack of confidence you have for yourself.
It’s also in the day to day. The way they will quickly strip you of what you tried to gain back.
#4 Increased manipulation and control
Starts all over again, doesn’t it? I’m sure you don’t want to admit it, but it does happen in narcissistic relationships.
When you dip your toes in freedom, you will be left surrendering all you’ve earned for the isolating walls of control.
Knowing they have you back will also give them permission to manipulate you all over again.
Convincing you of things that aren’t real so they can run life on their own warped narrative.
You didn’t work this hard just to go back to square one.
#5 Abuse cycle accelerates
Tempting you back with a smile and a promise is often enough for those who feel stuck in the trauma bond that created the relationship in the first instance.
But prepare for abuse cycle 2.0 as the next chapter in your so-called connection commences.
It will accelerate, at a speed more rapid than you’re possibly comfortable with.
Which means the love-bombing will be stronger, and eventually so will the discard.
Remember if there’s a high, there will be a low.
#6 Isolation deepens
This will work in a few different ways, but none of them will work in your favor.
You’ll have friends or family who won’t want you to return to the narcissist because of how they treated you the first time.
And people will back away and leave you to make your own choices.
Then you have those who stick around, and they will be the people on the narcissist’s hit list.
Prepare to be isolated from everybody you know, and be prepared for what that will feel like for you.
The narcissist might paint it as liberating, but the truth is much darker. The truth is, they want you to rely only on them.
If you can do that, you’re theirs to control for the foreseeable.
#7 Feelings of regret and frustration
It’s a hard one to wrestle with, but regretting decisions stretch farther out than life with a narcissist.
In life, we all wish we did at least something differently, but we release it to the power of time and the inability to revert back to specific moments.
When you go back to a narcissist, it can feel like you’re fitting right back into a situation you know belongs in your past.
You grapple with habits and health. You wish you could figure out why you do it, but in truth, uou already know.
It’s because it’s familiar, and you.hope it’ll be different this time. I’m afraid it won’t be, and as soon as you admit the same, the sooner you can walk away knowing your past belongs behind you.
Only then will you be able to see a clear path called the future.
And you’ll want to walk into that with confidence and hope.
Thinking of returning?
These 7 reasons aren’t set out like this for you to be briefly entertained and then get on with your day.
What would the point in that be? To be informed of something that you might be considering, only for you to do it anyway?
I can only give you lists like this to warn you of what your future looks like. When you find out what’s in store, it’s your choice whether or not you do.
The narcissist’s tricks will always work if you are always mesmerized by them.
When your fate is decided by them like this, you can forget ever having any real control of your life.
So, I hand the power to you.
What are going to do with it?
