You think people would be pretty transparent these days, wouldn’t you? We all want to surround ourselves with real people, who think, live and love authentically. It’s what connects us.

If only!

Narcissists are only connected to their own inflated egos, and by nature surrender all ways to be kind the moment they go anywhere near another person.

I’d go as far to say that all narcissists are great at hiding certain secrets to everyone, and that includes their friends.

If you want to know what those 7 things are, look no further.

Friends? I Know, Right?

Even narcissists have friends, and I know you might find that hard to believe or even get your head around.

How can people willingly like them?

Likely the reasons are because they’re either narcissists themselves, or they’re just the kind of people who feel somewhat wanted or needed when in the presence of them. 

What I hasten to add is that either way, there’s not going to be a heck of a lot of authenticity in the friendship circle.

There can’t be. Narcissists are not as deep as they appear, and the deeper you try to get into it, the more you’re going to end up just hitting the ground. 

Hiding: An Easy Life

Ultimately, if there’s things going on in your life that you want hidden, you’re going to do so to make your life that little bit easier. 

But – is it going to be easier? Those hidden things are still going to be there. They will still exist, even if you’re trying hard to cover them up. 

I think it’s so much better to just face that you’ve got going on with all your might.

Prove to yourself that you’re worth fighting for, and admit to the world that you aren’t perfect, and you need to work out what you need to work out.

Then again, if you’re a narcissist, you won’t want to admit that you’re less than perfect.

When you’re down in a bit of a heap, people will think, “Wow, I thought you had it all together.”

Nope.

The narcissist prefers to hide, and hide well. So let’s loo kat exactly what they hide, even from their closest friends.

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#1 Insecurities

No narcissist wants to be an open book. If they were, all their insecurities would immediately be on display for all to see. 

I know as much as you do how interesting that thought actually is, but for now, we don’t get that satisfaction.

Instead, we have to deal with the fact that their insecurities are under lock and key.

What they really think of themselves. How they really see their own soul under the pretentiousness they’ve built and exuded to the world. 

You know how narcissists are infamous for making everybody else feel like total shit?

It stems from their own self-loathing. It’s not because you’re a horrible person. It’s not because their opinions of you are true.

All their outward hating does is distract them from how they really feel about themselves, and exactly what they’re so insecure about. 

#2 Fears

Fears are pretty common, aren’t they? Even if they don’t interrupt our normal lives, I think there are things for all of us we’d at the very least rather not see or do. 

Whether you’re scared of the dark, heights, flying, certain animals, or even if you just aren’t a fan of deep, dark water like lakes.

It’s okay as long as they don’t rule your life too much, to avoid them. A person terrified of spiders isn’t going to hang out with a dozen tarantulas for fun openly, are they?

But what you do in those situations is different to what a narcissist would do.

Fears for them are not up for discussion. They will refuse to discuss them with even the closest people, which seems odd to me.

When you get to know the character of a narcissist in general, that all starts to make sense. 

They want to be the best, love to look confident, refuse to succumb to any form of weakness, and have solid, strong outward connections to the world.

Fears aren’t real, certainly not in their lives. And I know you know that they’re real on the inside, but the inside is what the narcissist never puts out there. 

#3 Family Issues: The Real Ones

This is such an interesting point, and I couldn’t leave it out.

Narcissists never discuss family issues. Sure, they might say that they’re annoyed or whatever, but below that surface, there’s a lot going on that they simply won’t admit to.

Why?

Because the narcissist is always the cause! They have to be. Wherever they go, they’re causing problems, conflict and drama.

The other side of this coin is the perfect image they’re trying so hard to keep alive and well. 

If they start talking about all the issues they have within their family unit, people might start suspecting, or asking more questions than the narcissist is willing to answer.

A big no from them! Hide it all!

#4 Their Need to Fit In

Narcissists want to know everything, be everywhere, see everyone, know all the gossip, and be at the center of it all. 

There’s no other preference in how they wish to live. 

Rather than admit their need for all the drama and news, they just slip into place and wait for it all to unfold. 

#5 Inability to Really be a Friend

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? 

You’d think if a narcissist had a friend, it’s mean that they’re actually friends… but no.

Narcissists don’t know how to be friends, nor do they necessarily know how to keep them. 

How can you truly be a friend if all you do is pit people against each other, lie, cheat and mercilessly mock?

Exactly. 

#6 How Much They Cause Problems

Narcissists aren’t going to advertise how much a problem person they are. It would offer them no favors at all if they were to publicly declare that they’re addicted to drama and any form of emotional trouble. 

It’s their biggest secret, even from their own closest friends.

#7 Motives

Whose life will I ruin today?

Where can I cause maximum conflict?

Who haven’t I used for supply lately?

Narcissists lay awake at night plotting, planning and scheming. It’s just what they do in order to ultimately get what they want.

Their end motive is to always come out on top, so the pieces of that puzzle must come together to align with it.

They severely unlikely to say:

You know what? I don’t like the friendship these people have. I need to do something about it now. 

You have been warned!

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.