I have a question for you.
When something doesn’t make sense to you, how much time do you spend trying to work it out?
If you really want it to be clear to you, you’ll spend a lifetime. That’s the problem many people who get involved with narcissists have.
They want to understand the person with whom they’ve invested so much time, energy, and emotion.
I get it.
Emotions often override common sense; the more you try, the less it all seems to add up.
You Want What You Can’t Have
It’s difficult to want a version of a person that doesn’t exist, but in reality, that’s life with every narcissist.
The fleeting moments of positivity or where they’ve temporarily made you safe get you feeling hopeful. I hope that you can maybe rely on them this time, that they will keep to their word.
Hopeful that everything is going to be okay.
Is it ever okay?
Wanting what you can’t have requires much acceptance of what is really going on rather than what you keep waiting for.
Narcissists make no sense, but they make no sense in such a purposeful way that it can make the kindest of hearts on the receiving end ache.
Becoming more realistic about what situation you’re in with any narcissist will help you understand that they will never make sense.
I can help you here.
What it Does to You
Letting yourself in on the reality that narcissists will never be the person you want them to be will help you zoom out on the bigger picture.
Giving you exactly what you need to see will ultimately untwist your hopes and offer you a way out of their control.
If you can’t do this, you will, and I repeat will, spend your life wanting to fix them so that they do start to make sense.
7 Things Narcissists Do That Just Make No Sense
Let’s dive in and really look at those things narcissists do that you just cannot figure out.
#1 Move Goalposts
They tell you that if you did a particular thing, it’ll make them happy.
You do it.
It’s not right.
They changed their minds.
You didn’t do it properly.
Have you noticed that you have bent over backward to try and please the narcissist and it still didn’t result in the way you wanted or hoped?
Narcissists don’t want you to do well. They don’t want to praise you because praise should be reserved for them and for them alone.
That’s exactly why you will always be chasing validation, and they will constantly be making you feel small or as though nothing you do is right.
Does it make sense? Not initially. Once you get to know the character of a narcissist, it will all become clear.
#2 Go Back on Their Word
Promise promises, eventually destined for the trash can. They bypass you along the way, and you want to hold onto them, but there’s no point.
You cling to fake and formulated words for you to feast upon because you love them.
I love you, and I never want to be without you.
I never met anybody like you.
It’s you and me against the world.
I can’t wait for all the road trips and adventures with you.
They will discard you before they even set a date down.
The excuses will come thick and fast.
I’m busy with work.
We will talk about it tomorrow, right now I’m tired.
I don’t remember saying that.
Why would I suggest a road trip? I hate driving!
So where does that leave you?
Making sense of your reality. Making sense of it all.
#3 Confuse You
Narcissists have this natural, unnatural way of convincing people that the sky is green. Yes, they’re great at confusing. They hate to think of you as happy or right, or sure or confident.
Whatever it takes to erase those parts of you, they will do it.
I know that feeling confused within itself makes zero sense, but it makes even less sense to think about why they do it.
They know they will end up in charge if they can confuse and convince you.
Being in charge is how they like to live their lives.
#4 Get Between People
Triangulation is the art of separating two people who get along well because the narcissist sees that particular relationship as a threat. Perhaps you can figure them out together.
Maybe you’re a force stronger than the narcissist when combined, and it simply won’t fly with them.
Beware of any friend or even relative you have that you’re close with because the narcissist will cause problems.
He said this about you.
She thinks you’re too this or that.
Do you really think she isn’t telling people your secrets? She told me…
I could go on.
It makes no sense to divide, but it does when you think of all the ways jealousy eats away at all narcissists.
#5 Tell You To Stop Seeing Friends or Family
Isolation is how the narcissist gets you right where they want you:
Helpless and with nobody to vent to.
Your problems will be yours and yours alone. Any issues you have with the narcissist will stop at you because you won’t have a soul to speak to about them.
The narcissist knows this and wants to keep you lonely and reliant solely on them.
I hate thinking that this makes any kind of sense.
#6 Turn On The Hot and Cold Tap
One minute, you’re loved and put on a pedestal; the next, you’re given the silent treatment.
Help me make sense of it. I hear you scream and shout.
It doesn’t make sense to those seeking a healthy, loving relationship.
The cycle of abuse is wrong and only exists because it allows the narcissist to create an attachment bond with you so that you feel like you can’t ever leave.
#7 Make You Feel Bad
Hey, if the narcissist is blaming you, then they’re off the hook automatically, right?
Well, that’s what they want anyway, and that’s exactly why they do it.
You feel like you can’t say or do anything right, and you wonder why they’re even still with you if they feel this strongly.
In truth, it’s done purposefully to make you apologize or feel as though you constantly owe them something.
This is pure power.
From that? Of course, you’re going to feel bad! It’s not in your compassionate heart to hurt anybody intentionally – but that’s the impression you’re getting from the narcissist.
