A lot of the time, a narcissist will say things they know you won’t want to hear, while having an ulterior motive behind their words of poison.
Do they want to trigger you? Make you scared? Intimidate you? Keep you guessing? Probably all of the afore-mentioned.
When they say they want a divorce, I’ve got the 7 things they really mean right here.
#1 “Pay me attention!”
What’s happened? Why is the narcissist suddenly looking for you to pay them attention?
And most importantly, what kind of freak yells that they want a divorce as a way to get that attention?
Only a narcissist!
And it’s like a thinly veiled attempt at saying, “This will be the consequence if I don’t get that attention,” which is even worse when you think about it.
What pressure on you to fulfil what demand, and try to swerve the treat they’re throwing your way, too.
Don’t believe the marriage is in trouble if this occurs, this is not all on you to deal with, and shouldn’t be seen as such.
#2 “I’m bored”
Boredom shouldn’t mean you automatically are threatened with divorce papers, yet here we are, talking about narcissists.
They get bored and suddenly the world has to stop while the drama is offered out left, right and center.
Narcissists truly do mean this when they yell and shout for a divorce.
You’d think it’d be a lot easier for them to tell you what’s really going on, and to try to inject some fun into the marriage instead of looking for conflict where there really need be none.
The last thing you want is to have to number one, think you’re boring to be around, and number two, be given huge and unsettling news such as your partner wanting a divorce just because they feel like being dramatic to test your reaction.
This is not the picture of a healthy marriage at all.
#3 “I will punish you”
Let me guess, you spoke out against something. You decided you wanted to put your thoughts across, and the narcissist didn’t agree with them.
You defended yourself. You accused them of not caring about you, or dare I say, of being a narcissist.
Or maybe what you did was far more indirect than that.
Perhaps it was more about you doing something they didn’t like, such as joining that gym, or seeing your friends even when they told you not to.
Either way, there’s some punishment involved, and as far as the narcissist is concerned, what better way to do that than by yelling at you that they want a divorce.
I will punish you, whether you like it or not!
Should your marriage be held hostage like this? Whenever they think you have overstepped, should you have to tolerate the potential end of it?
I don’t think it’s fair at all, but narcissists will live and play by their own rulebook, and most of the time it will be you who suffers the consequence of that.
Your punishment they feel will be worth it, if it means they have you right where they want you.
Don’t think you’ll get away with it, and prepare for a showdown as they threaten you with what will end up being the end of your marriage together.
Yes. The narcissist truly does think they have that much power.
#4 “I love keeping you on your toes”
Where did this come from? If I can be so old, I will let you know.
The narcissist will claim they want a divorce whenever they see you looking, acting, or being too comfortable.
One look at you and the thought of, “You seem far too happy for me. I clearly haven’t been playing around with your feelings enough lately.”
Then comes the threat of divorce. Usually, it invites the narcissist to just push you to panic.
What are you saying?
Why are you being like this?
What went wrong?
What did I do?
Why are you being so hurtful?
I thought you loved me.
I thought we were happy together.
The narcissist wants to hear all of these words.
And you will say them all because they’re what get you to go from comfortable to concerned.
Suddenly, the narcissist is happy that your world has been seemingly turned upside down just by their words.
#5 “Beg me to stay so I feel loved”
Please don’t leave me.
I need you.
I can’t imagine my life without you.
I will do anything to make you happy.
The narcissist is smiling on the inside, while watching you cry and beg. If they could, they’d ask you to get down on your knees and plead with them to stay.
It’s a pretty twisted thing to do to get you to show that you love them.
Narcissists use this as a test intermittently because they know how you will react, and it makes them actually feel good to be so on edge.
#6 “I met somebody else”
The narcissist can sometimes meet somebody else before they break up with you.
This is to ensure that they have a fresh source of supply ready and waiting as soon as you divorce, so their fuel doesn’t run dry.
Other times, they can fool you into thinking they’ve met somebody else, so you end up fighting for them. Narcissists love it when two people are fighting over them, as it makes them feel important.
Meeting somebody else will never be admitted when they’re divorcing you.
They won’t want to appear as the bad guy as you might end up with more than your fair share when you divide your assets.
It will be their secret, and they may even just blame you for the divorce when in fact, it was them who went out and met another person.
I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. These are really dangerous people.
#7 “I can’t believe you figured me out”
Last but very much not least, narcissists can ask for (or demand) a divorce based on how much you are beginning to find out about them.
If you’ve started to hint at exposing them, or if your comments are starting to revolve around a fightback, or coming back with comments that defy their control and manipulation, they won’t want to know you.
As soon as you start, they will know you’re no longer a person to be messed around with.
As they panic, the narcissist will consider their options.
They know they’re on borrowed time, so calling for a divorce means they can officially discard you and make way for somebody brand new who they can pop that mask back on for.
Over time, sure, the next victim will soon discover who they are, but that won’t be your problem.
I think this is a good time to remind yourself that if you’ve figured out the narcissist for who they really are, or if you’re exposing them to your friends or family, do you really want to remain in a marriage?
You know it won’t be healthy, so a divorce is your best option anyway.
