Your lack of understanding is a win for each narcissist. They will do anything for their power to override your capacity to grasp. It means they’ve got you right where they want you.
But – where exactly is that? Why do they want you anywhere?
As you allow what is about to follow to sink in, I want to remind you that your own power was never taken from you.
It was simply hidden from your view.
It’s time to find it!
Their Power = Your Weakness
The power narcissists get from you not being able to understand something means they can manipulate that something however they want.
Put simply: The less you know, the more they can pull the strings.
It’s not that you’re weak, but a lack of knowledge is a weakness in the big picture.
And in that big picture is the real narcissist—the person behind the facade.
Then What?
Without any power, you’re theirs to mold how they see fit. Being whatever suits them, acting however suits them, and being their ‘yes man’ means they don’t have to worry about you questioning them or stepping out of line.
Let Yourself Awaken!
Awakening to how much they pay you is the first step to getting out of this position they’ve put you in.
Narcissists are only happy when they have you where they want you. If you can get up and move, they won’t have a leg to stand on.
Suddenly, that dynamic shift leaves them more helpless, and you will be far more in control.
Things Narcissists Don’t Want You To Understand
You mustn’t understand aspects of the narcissist. You must be kept in the tiny, little box they made for you because that’s where they feel you belong.
As long as you don’t understand a single thing, you’ll make them happy.
#1 Their True Intentions
The true intention of any narcissist is to ensure you never question them, or do or say anything out of line. If you do, you’ll be punished.
They don’t want you to understand their true intentions, so they create a cycle of abuse that you fall into.
Don’t get me wrong, there are going to be aspects of that cycle that you actually like.
The fragments of time that they tell you how beautiful you are. How you’re the only one for them. The romantic dinner. The laughs. The feeling of connection.
If you fall for the love-bombing, you will never really be able to fully understand their true intention to wholly abuse you over as long a period of time as possible.
It’s the only thing that the narcissist really lives for.
And by riding that intense rollercoaster of emotions the narcissist puts you on, you’re going to give them exactly what they want.
This entire aspect of abuse is never meant to be understood by you – that’s why they make it so confusing.
#2 Finances/Bills
For me personally, this is one of the worst things any narcissist doesn’t want you to understand.
It seems natural to share bills or finances, or at least have both parties be aware of what comes in and what goes out of every household.
As adults, you both have the comprehension to understand that energy costs, food costs, and homes cost. Whether it’s rent, mortgage, or insurance, if you share the goods, you need to share how they’re paid for.
Narcissists withhold these kinds of things from their partners so that a lack of understanding can take hold. This creates a sense of uncertainty within that person.
I wouldn’t know how to pay that bill.
I have no idea what we spend.
I don’t get to see the statements.
I don’t understand how direct debits work.
Of course you don’t. It’s withheld from you so that you have no other choice but to rely solely on the narcissist.
#3 Their Job
The more you know about their job, the fewer excuses they will have for working late, traveling for business, or attending meetings that don’t even exist.
Not only that but, the people the narcissist works with are going to want to be kept under lock and key.
They don’t want you to know Sara from accounts because that’s who he spends every Friday lunch with. They don’t want you to know Mark in advertising because that is who he plays golf with when he tells you he’s in a presentation.
You see where I’m going with this.
Understanding their work leads to knowing everything about it.
It’s a huge no for the narcissist.
#4 How To Do Things For Yourself
If you were to become independent overnight, you would be next to useless in the eyes of a narcissist. They hate anybody who is able to live without them, and not rely on their support or help.
It’s why so often you’ll notice the narcissist slowly takes away everything from their victim, including all self-esteem and confidence.
They want their victim to be helpless.
They don’t want them to understand how things work.
It’s how they remain in control.
#5 The Power of Their Mind Games
Mind games might seem a little light, but the roots of a narcissist’s mind games travel so deep.
They are dangerous, and getting involved is a problem you should avoid at all costs.
If you’re unlucky enough to fall into the presence of a narcissist, their mind games will never be understood by you.
If you have a conscience and a good heart, any way of hurting another that is on purpose and actually enjoyed by the narcissist will be completely lost on you.
The power behind it all will be something you will neer fully comprehend.
Why do they do what they do? Why can’t they just be normal and live peacefully, with love and gratitude?
By design, that’s not how narcissists work.
#6 What They’re Capable Of
The capability of a narcissist knows no limits. If you were to really know what goes on in their head, it would completely shock you.
You aren’t meant to understand them in this way, because if you did, there would be some mild justification for their acts of evil.
Just when you think you’ve got them all figured out, they will go up a gear and do or say something even worse.
You should never be prepared.
#7 What Love Is
If you knew what love really was, you wouldn’t tolerate the way the narcissist treats you.
They want you to see their version of love as the ultimate version. The one way somebody expresses how they feel.
That’s not done by abusing you – but that’s how you learn to accept love as they know it.
It will become love as you know it.
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