Every morning is a chance to start again. As the sun rises, you wake up and lean into the day gently.
Narcissists do, too. But they do it in a way that sets your day up to be miserable and full of pain.
They act strangely, ascertaining their power and dominances over you.
Their morning routines are a reminder that you are not important to them, and each habit exposes them fully.
Here are all 7 of them.
#1 Stringent routines
I know there are people out there who would argue, “I also have a stringent routine, but I know I’m not a narcissist.”
Not all people with stringent routines are narcissists, but all narcissists have stringent routines.
Take the mornings, for example. They wake up, they need their coffee or workout. The day won’t be complete without either. They don’t want you to talk to them because it means their shower will end up being late.
That shirt they wear; it needs to be ironed and ready for them to go to work.
The clothes they expected you to pick up and wash from their side of the bedroom floor still remain, and suddenly all hell breaks loose.
This was not part of their plan!
And if you try to change their routine, they will fall down on you like a pile of bricks.
#2 Demanding you have everything ready for them
Where;s my coffee?
Do we not have croissants this morning?
Did you not make sure the car was clear of snow for when I leave?
Why is my lunch not made? I leave in five minutes.
It doesn’t matter to them what you may have going on in your life. You might feel unwell, tired, or have other errands you needed to do that particular morning.
The demands of the narcissist are unreasonable, and you will never truly meet all of them because that would then leave you wide open for praise; something you’re unlikely to actually get.
#3 Make your day that little bit worse before they leave the house
What better way to put you on the wrong foot for the rest of the day than making one of those flippant, unkind, abusive comments as they walk out the door?
Maybe they don’t even say bye to you, they just open the door and slam it shut.
You might chase after them, asking what’s wrong (which is exactly what they want you to do, by the way), only for them to yell at you for holding them up.
Your day can even be made to feel or look worse by a critical comment or two as they leave.
They see the smile on your face and they know it won’t do that you are happy, so they erase it in an instant.
Narcissists love to make people’s days worse, and sometimes that doesn’t have to be as direct as shouting or criticising.
It can be, “I need to work late tonight,” knowing it’s a special occasion or event planned.
They like to leave you with that stress for the entire day just so you are preoccupied with thoughts of them, and not yourself.
I know how messed up that can sound, but I don’t think you should ever assume life with a narcissist will be peaceful and happy because that’s not what they signed up for, even if they told you differently.
#4 Remind you who’s boss
If you need that cold, hard reminder that you aren’t in charge, the narcissist will offer it for free every single morning.
From the way they move around the house, banging and slamming doors and cupboards, to the way they hog the bathroom for much longer than is necessary.
From the way they leave their coffee cup wherever they feel like it, to the wet towel they leave hanging off the end of the bed, they have no consideration for you or anybody else living there.
They also know that you’ll tidy up after them because you want them to have an easy ride and feel as though they’re being taken care of.
Except, nobody is taking care of you. This is one-way, and the narcissist knows it.
Rather than admit to you there is some kind of relationship hierarchy, they will just continue to remind you who is boss so you don’t dare mess with them.
And it starts every single morning, like your unwanted daily reminder that you will never measure up, and never have any power.
#5 Leave a trail of mess behind them
Aside from the mess that I just mentioned, mess can also look like unresolved paperwork or bills, or causing upset within your dynamic, or if you have children, involving them, too.
This mess was preventable, and the narcissist is aware of this.
Instead of leaving a peaceful home, they leave people feeling emotionally fractured, potentially falling out completely with each other as they leave the house with that familiar smirk, knowing they will be gone for the next ten hours.
So you experience the tears, you have to comfort the little ones who are confused as to why mommy or daddy left and yelled at them.
You have to explain that the narcissistic parent has to work and can’t make that show or spelling bee.
I understand from speaking to hundreds of survivors that this is an extremely unpleasant part of the day, and raises their cortisol levels to sometimes unmanageable levels.
Yet you have to be the glue, because they refuse to be, and they’re absent.
This is a huge indication that you’re dealing with a narcissist who just won’t commit to their role as a partner or parent.
#6 Give you the silent treatment
What did you do? What could you have possibly done that involves them waking up and immediately giving you the silent treatment?
The answer is nothing.
The other answer is that this is how the narcissist simply decided to wake up and be that morning.
No warning, no inclination, and completely like a bolt out of the blue. But that’s precisely what they do best, isn’t it?
They get you when you least predict it, and will knock all the hope you have for a new day right out of you.
The silent treatment is a cheap shot, like a lot of shots narcissists take.
It’s wrapped up like there’s something terrible wrong, or that you’ve really overstepped or upset them somehow, but that’s never the case.
The silent treatment is how they remind you without uttering a word that you are to adhere to their rules however they feel at the time.
If they’re waking up in the morning and heading into a new day without giving you anything, you’ve definitely got a narcissist on your hands.
#7 Snap at you for trying to interrupt them
They’re trying to check their emails, read their messages, catch up on voicemails, or sift through paperwork that is suddenly very important.
And you’re in their way.
They won’t have it. You are interrupting important tasks, and you need to be told.
Never mind the fact that you live together and should be each other’s support system.
This is about you being a pain in the ass, and them freely feeling as though it’s their right to tell you so.
They snap, and their words hurt and sit with you for the rest of the day, but it’s done in the morning to specifically keep you from having that good day you’d hoped.
Narcissist? Check!
