I know, I know. You don’t need me to tell you how strange narcissists are.

They are incredibly odd people, and on top of that, they exude a toxicity that causes you, the victim, to feel like you’re going crazy.

You’re not.

Who are you without them, though?

The only way you can find out is if you explore the narcissist in detail – starting with the strange things they do that nobody really wants to talk about.

Except me, your friend go-to guy for narcissism!

We Need To Talk

It’s overdue, I know. Topics like this really do get shoved to the bottom of many professionals’ piles of paper because they don’t view them as important enough to cover. 

I always think, why?

The whole point of you recovering, healing, gaining knowledge and growing within yourself is learning exactly how weird the narcissist can get. 

It almost seems crazy to me that people are willing to not even talk about it, either.

But if we don’t, then you don’t get to the other side of this misery, or as I like to call it:

Your authentic life!

#1 Randomly Forget Important Events or Details

Oh, how convenient of the narcissist to forget something so important to you. 

What a shock I feel that they’ve totally wiped what matters out of their minds in replacement of, well, literally anything else. 

As random as it may seem to you, these are cruel and calculated ways a narcissist will disappoint you and leave you feeling upset. 

They will find any way possible to make you feel like you don’t matter- and I know that feels like the running theme in your life.

It’s all done on purpose.

If you don’t feel you matter, then you stop doing the things you love. You stop calling the people you care about. You give up on your dreams or goals, seeing them as out of your reach.

You stop seeing your worth and understanding that your compassion for people and life is what makes you, you. 

Let’s be real here for a moment, though.

They don’t care enough about you to remember anything that is of a priority to you. 

#2 Use Private Jokes as Subtle Put-Downs in Public

Only you and the narcissist know the story of the  joke, and that’s how they get to you in public.

So what are your choices when that joke rears its ugly head? 

For a start, you’ve got that bubbling feeling in your chest. Do you want to shout, or cry, or both?

Secondly, you’ve got the challenge of trying to swallow that feeling while in front of people who may be laughing at what the narcissist said, or even worse, not noticing the abuse right before them.

So now – what do you do? Try to convince the people you’re with that the narcissist is a narcissist because they slipped this unnecessary dig at you?

Tell them you’re in pain from it only to be met with a confused look because they don’t see what the problem is?

It’s hard to get anybody on board with narcissist abuse. 

You want the support, but you know it’s an uphill battle all the while they act on their best behavior in front of the unsuspecting crowd you’re surrounded by. 

It’s not nice at all. 

#3 Innocent Jealousy of Your Success

I didn’t think you had it in you.

I am just so surprised that you were able to achieve that, that’s all.

Those quick yet cutting comments will drag you back down from your happy spot that can I say you earned. 

And most of the time, narcissists do it so slyly that nobody else even notices.

That’s the worst part if you’re on the receiving end. It’s hard to come to terms with a person being so abusive so obviously to you without anyone else picking up on it. 

Remember, they’re only jealous because you’re getting something they aren’t – and you’re likely getting good attention for it, too. 

#4 Create Chaos, Then Play the Savior

Something about the way a narcissist plants all the mines for us all to stand on, then they come running to us when one blows up in our faces, right?

What is that? 

The weirdest thing is to line us up in a firing frame before coming to our rescue that just sits so uneasy in me, and I’m sure it does with you, too.

Why would anybody take the time and energy to do all of that when they could just be a good person?

It’s all about control – and this is a really unhealthy level of it. They have to be the one to create chaos so they can watch everybody lose their minds…

…Then they swoop in and fix it. 

And what does everybody do?

Oh, thank goodness you came along when you did. 

What would we do without you?

In truth – probably a heck of a lot more than you’re able to do under their power, that’s for sure. 

#5 Act Like the Victim After Hurting You

There’s one case I will throw your way for an example.

Tiffany was in the kitchen when she lived at home with her parents. She overheard her father telling her mother that he thought she looked drab, and she clearly doesn’t care about the way she looks. It was incessant. 

In a rage, Tiffany told her father to go jump (but in a more explicit way).

From that day, Tiffany’s father told everybody how rude Tiffany was, and how he was so upset that she spoke to him like that.

Nobody funnily enough was told why Tiffany said those words. They just all assumed through unfactual narcissism that she was ungrateful and the one with the problem.

In truth, Tiffany was hurt and that was how she expressed it at that moment. 

#6 Triangulate 

If they see you getting on overly well with someone else – the narcissist is going to cut that closeness short with nothing but a few backstabbing words. 

I’m sure you’ve all been there, when they come between you and another. 

All because you seem to them as though you will form some kind of special force between the pair of you, and that is an immediate threat to them.

So they jump in, and push you apart in the hope that they get to gain back that control they briefly lost. 

Triangulation happens all the time, and nobody even truly picks up on the culprit.

Until now…!

#7 Use Silence as a Weapon

Silence is left for the person on the receiving end to interpret.

That’s why the narcissist likes to leave a dollop of it on your doorstep, and because you’re so low on confidence, you will see silence as a worrying development in your relationship with the narcissist. 

So they get you where they want you – and you spend the rest of the day, week or even month begging for them to open up and tell you what you did that was so wrong.

But why is it your fault?

Why does nobody talk about the fact that they’re just brazenly trying to manipulate you with silence?

It’s unfair, and it’s cruel. 

DO THIS To Get Under The Skin Of a Narcissist

Have you ever wanted to get under a narcissist’s skin? Let me tell you, it’s easier than you think!

Narcissists thrive on control and being admired, but there are ways to break through their seemingly tough exterior. 

It’s actually pretty weak!

The key is understanding their weaknesses. Their fragile egos and need for validation lead to a huge fear of being exposed. 

Therefore, using the right tactics can disrupt their game and leave you to take back your power.

Ready to flip the script and watch them squirm?

#1 The Art of Staying Calm

While narcissists think the way to get somebody’s attention is to speak loudly and intimidate them – there’s a lot to be said for remaining calm and collected. Some might say there is an art to it.

Think about it. An argument begins, and you know it has nothing to do with you.

The narcissist entered the room in a certain mood, and was intent on creating noise and drama.

It goes against everything you believe in, yet there you are, experiencing it. 

What choice do you have?

Well, a lot, actually. You have a lot of choices. You can continue to play along and match the pitch. You can cry and allow them to see you being mentally drained before their eyes.

Or…

You can stay calm and let them rage and shout, knowing it has nothing to do with you. Yes, you’re the target, and nobody wants to be.

But…

You’re not the one who has to respond. Nobody does. 

Staying calm throws the narcissist into unfamiliar waters because they’re used to you acting differently.

They don’t have anything to bounce off, like they usually would. Your calm aura is like a door closing on them, and it really gets under their skin. 

Okay.

Uh-huh.

I hear you.

I’m listening, but I will not shout back at you.

I would really appreciate it if you could understand your shouting is not getting us anywhere. 

Staying calm like this is going to shut the narcissist down and pertain to the idea that noise and anger won’t get anybody anywhere.

Once they know they can’t rile you, the annoyance will lie in the new understanding that they can’t gain any supply from you this way. 

#2 Be Firm!

Well, no narcissists like firmness. 

Firmness usually means you have boundaries, and boundaries are something all narcissists hate. They can’t stand to be told which side of the line to stand.

They hate even knowing there is a line in the first place!

When somebody so toxic has been used to walking all over you, it will be a shock to them when you suddenly develop assertiveness.

You will be met with resistance when you lay down what you will no longer put up with. Remember, the narcissist is used to knowing a certain version of you. The version that says yes instead of no.

When you stop with one, and start with the other – you’re going to get right under their skin!

#3 Ignore Them: Refusing To Hand Over Supply

I don’t want you to think that ignoring them is the same as giving them the silent treatment. I don’t believe in treating toxic behavior with equal toxicity – because two wrongs don’t make a right. 

However…

Silence where noise once rested is a way of retaining dignity and class, which may previously have been reverted to supply for them regarding your emotions. 

#4 Stand in Your Truth

There’s really no better place to stand. In your truth, everything makes sense. It’s where you can stand, knowing you are giving it your all and believing in yourself fully. 

It’s where confidence starts to grow and you’ll find a more assertive version of yourself. 

For that very reason, standing in your truth even though the narcissist is trying hard to pull you out of it, is crucial.

#5 Grey Rock 

Have you ever heard of Grey Rock? I am sure by now that so many of you will know what I mean by it, but just in case, let’s get a briefing!

Grey rock is nothing. It means to give the narcissist as little, if anything at all, as possible. You hear them, and you want to respond, but instead, you choose to say, “Okay,” “Sure,” “Uh-huh.”

Your face is calm and emotionless, and there isn’t an ounce of feeling in your voice. 

Giving the narcissist the proverbial grey rock is how you retain your power and give them absolutely nothing to feed from.

Will they like it?

Absolutely not!

But the more you exude it, the smaller they will feel. 

For too long, the narcissist has provoked and triggered you.

It’s time for all of that to stop.

#6 Call Them Out – and Mean it

Hey. What you did back there was wrong. 

Do you realize how you treated that person? You act like you don’t even care.

It was your fault we were late. Even though you had the time written down, you still got here after everybody else. 

You’re trying to be mean to me, but it just won’t work. 

I see what you’re doing, and I want you to know that I don’t fall for it.

Anything where you can throw some assertive statements into the mix without getting sucked into an argument, you should be able to do.

Getting under the skin of a narcissist is how you make what they’re doing almost seem like something to belittle. Narcissists hate being caught out and hate being embarrassed even more!

#7 Start to Thrive Away From Them

If there’s one thing guaranteed to annoy a narcissist – it’s your independence. 

Oh, you’re going out?

Actually, yes I am. I am going out in this outfit, and I look fantastic. You aren’t going to stop me. 

Are you applying for that job? Isn’t it a little out of your reach?

Yes, I am applying for it because, guess what, I am qualified and skilled, and I want to get it.

Thrive. Don’t just thrive a little; thrive like you mean it!

#8 Play By Your Own Rules

It’s probably been a long time since you’ve picked up your copy of the rulebook, but it’s still there.

It may be a little dusty, but now you get to dampen it down and start acting as if you are the main character of your own life. 

Don’t ever let anybody, least of all a narcissist, dictate to you. 

Your rules equate to what you want from life and how you want to go out and fight for it all. 

This is not up for debate!