What’s that noise? Is that a vacuum? It’s not in your hands, so who the heck else could it b-
Oh wait. They are not trying to help, are they?
What’s the special occasion? There must be one, because for the rest of the time, the narcissist gives zero effs about the house, making all kinds of ridiculous excuses as to why they don’t lift a finger.
It’s time to put it to rest, and let you know all the sneaky ways narcissists fake house chores.
If your eyes aren’t already rolling, you’d better warn them that they’re in for a ride!
#1 Avoid responsibility
Wait. You mean the narcissist didn’t get a chance to help you because you always handle it first?
You beat them to it, so they don’t have any choice but to simply allow you to always be the one who does it all?
I smell a rat…
These are mere claims. The mess was there, it needed doing. They knew that and instead of getting off their ass, they waited for you to do it so they could claim you got there first.
They almost do it in a way that compliments you.
Well, you’re just too efficient.
They think phrases like this will keep you sweet so you forgive them, but we all know the truth behind these manipulative sayings.
#2 Frequently thanking you for doing housework when you need their help more than their gratitude
The narcissist thinks they’re being nice by thanking you for doing all the work in the house, while you grin through gritted teeth because you could do without the praise.
If they would just be mindful enough to pick up the dustpan and brush, you’d be elated, right?
It’s not rocket science. It just needs somebody to think and act on those thoughts, rather than sweet talk and butter you up for doing what should be jobs that are shared.
You aren’t a maid, and they ought to stop treating you like one.
#3 Does the bare minimum to seem helpful without truly making an impact
Thank you for putting your laundry in the laundry basket. It really makes a difference knowing I don’t have to either hop over, or side step your dirty socks.
Again, this is one of the most annoying ways narcissists sneak around their responsibilities.
It’s not fair that you have to literally follow them around the house ensuring you pick up after their toxic tornado.
Instead, they should be pulling their weight and giving you a hand. If only they could see helping out as a level of respect given to you.
After all, housework that is shared takes half the time. However, if they aren’t giving any time, suddenly they’re faced with increasing time doing chores.
Why would they want to do that when you are already managing by yourself?
I’ll tell you why.
Because nobody should be managing! They should be feeling the ease of burden with an extra pair of hands!
#4 Overcompensates in front of guests
Just how many of you am I speaking for here? Raise your hands! You’re familiar with the pattern.
The narcissist does absolutely nothing and it drives you insane. They protest, make excuses, think it’s below them – whatever the excuse.
Then…
The second you say you’ve got guests coming over, the narcissist knows they need to step up and make the magic happen.
They curse and criticize you for not keeping a tidy house all the while running around fixing loose sockets, tightening loose taps, painting or dabbing small faults on the wall, straightening out furniture; whatever it is that needs doing, they will do it.
This isn’t about giving the house a once over before visitors arrive. I know it’s important to welcome people into a nice, clean home.
This is an extension and example of the narcissist’s obsession with perfection.
They see the home as a representation of them. If it doesn’t look perfect, then the people living there can’t be, either.
And the fun doesn’t stop there, because as the guests roll in, the narcissist happens to ‘just be finishing up on the chores.’ Not because they’re slow, but because they want to be seen as hands on.
They love to ive the impression of how hard they work, so yeah, they will greet guests often with a broom or mop in hand and play it down. In reality, they’re looking for those compliments.
Look at you, hard at work!
Do you ever stop?
(Your name) is so lucky to have somebody so helpful and supportive.
Drives you crazy, right?
It ought to. It’s hard to witness.
#5 Complains about being unappreciated
What do you mean I don’t help around a lot?
I do more than you’ll ever realize.
Maybe you don’t notice because you’re too busy with your dumb hobbies.
I never feel appreciated by you.
The claims that they help will never be backed up by solid evidence, yet they have the audacity to run them into your mind and lock them in anyway.
How annoying is that?
You just want to be able to live with somebody who is as mindful of any mess as you are, but they make their pathetic excuses and think those are good enough to be let off the hook.
How, you changed a toilet paper roll. Sit down and give yourself a little rest, there. It must have been overwhelming…
Not.
The real appreciation should lie with you, the person who keeps the ship afloat. Heaven forbid you got any of it though.
#6 Appear at the last minute offering to help you as you’ve almost finished the task
Oh look at you, spending three hours doing the housework.
Now, as you wipe yet another series of sweat beads from your forehead, the narcissist pokes their measly little head around the corner of the room and asks if there’s anything they can do.
Yes, there is. You can reverse time and do all of this by yourself to know how it feels to be alone in standards of hygiene.
There’s really nothing more frustrating when you take the reins and tidy, only to receive an empty offer of help from somebody who will only hold it against you if they did lift a finger, wanyway.
#7 Boasts about competing basic chores that should be shared
Come on, nobody needs to boast about the one time in the past six months that you took the bins out.
I mean, congratulations for finding your way to the bins in the first place. I’m sure it’s something your non-narcissistic partner has to do every single day of the year without the need to be thanked for it.
Do you not see how these kinds of boasts really are the lowest form of desperation you can think of?
There is no cleaning fairy! There’s no wizardry behind a tidy house. Just the forethought to do it, and the incentive to live somewhere pleasant as a result of doing so.
It’s a shame narcissists can’t manage to think of this, and stop boasting about washing up a spoon.
