Okay, I’m going to need you to sit down before you enter a serious state of shock.
That’s right.
I said ‘narcissist’ and ‘fake’ in the same sentence. Who’d have thought it?!
I’m of course being ironic because we all know they’re as fake as silicone! The signs you need are already right in front of you.
Let’s go through them individually, so you can add them to your narcissism repellant toolkit.
#1 Their Words Don’t Match Their Actions
When somebody tells you they love you, it’s a nice feeling. There is a point, though, where you have to tell yourself that these are just words, and they only make sense if accompanied with tacts of love.
When they treat you with respect, when they listen to you after a tough day at work, when they support you through tough times, when they remain loyal, when they compromise, when they consider your feelings.
That’s love.
A person who abuses you cannot love you, but they can tell you they do. They can make the promises and sweep you off your feet for a night of passionate intimacy – but that’s not love.
You need to know the difference between the two, and start seeing love for the entire concept that it is…
…Nothing more, nothing less.
Only then can you determine and establish a healthy relationship.
#2 They Love Bomb—Then Go Cold
Hot then cold, yes, then no, up then down, wrong then right – there’s never any gray areas with narcissists.
They’re either all in, or all out. You get addicted to the highs, and you learn to live through the lows knowing there will soon be a high again.
Ask yourselves – is that real love? Is love the idea that you can blow so cold and unkind one minute, then profess love for a few minutes another time?
It’s not fair, is it?
But they will treat you this way to keep you on your toes and never know what’s coming next.
This is a level of eggshell walking that I would never advise anyone to walk.
#3 Everything Is Conditional
I will do that, only if you…
I do so much for you, and you can’t even get this right.
After everything I make sure I give to you, this is how you repay me.
I’m not going to be happy with you until you start tidying the house better than you do now.
Love is there on offer, but you have to achieve something in the narcissist’s eyes in order to receive it.
This constant dangling of the bait that is yours to take is there, but the narcissist keeps moving it slightly out of your reach preventing you from getting it.
It’s all done on purpose, but it’s like a continuation of fake love coming your way…
…And it means the narcissist always gets away with never fully loving you, making it your fault in the process.
#4 You Always Feel Unworthy Around Them
What is that?
People I ask can never really put their fingers on it. They simply feel like they just do not measure up, no matter how hard they try to.
And these are people who are successful.
People who are good people. With careers, hobbies, morals; everything.
But there’s a blockage going on, and it affects you every time you’re around them.
They have a habit of doing this, you know. And the way they do it is so subtle, you’d be the crazy one to point it out.
That’s what makes them so happy – seeing you feel like you’re going mad but actually not being overt enough to have the finger pointed at them.
They love having that invisible control over you.
So odd.
#5 They Never Apologize Sincerely
Sorry is a word, I get that. But we say it when we feel it, and we express it by making sure we don’t do the thing we’re apologizing for again.
It’s not rocket science – it’s self-reflection and self-responsibility.
Of course – we say sorry when we have hurt somebody’s feelings, and then we act on that apology.
Narcissists stop short at saying sorry. That’s it. It’s like that’s the end of the road for them, and you’re actually lucky if you get an apology.
A lot of the time, they won’t even bother. However, if they’re trying to fake love you, they will say they’re sorry without showing an ounce of remorse or guilt for upsetting you.
Turn that into multiple similar times, and you’re looking at a situation where you’re being totally taken advantage of.
They make a promise to not do it or say it again, and without hours they’re probably up to the same old toxic tricks.
You’re only experiencing it because you’re tolerating it. There is a way out of this, guys, and it’s showing the narcissist the door.
#6 You Feel Drained, Not Cherished
Why should your relationship with them be so tiring? What is it that’s making it feel like you’re climbing uphill, or even just treading water to get by.
It should be easy. It should be fun and warm and exciting and hopeful.
But it isn’t.
That’s because a narcissist will not cherish you. They don’t know how, they won’t try, they don’t believe in it.
I have even heard accounts of narcissists who actually scoff at the thought of cherishing their partner.
What a load of shit.
I’m not a teenager having some kind of fluffy friendship with their crush.
I’m a grown person.
What do you take me for?
Pathetic.
I haven’t got time for that.
In reality, yes, narcissists have all the time in the world for this – they just don’t do it because they physically, emotionally and mentally cannot go there.
So where does that leave you? Your values differ significantly. You want to express your love and feel wanted in this relationship, and it’s just not happening.
You can’t talk about it because it always ends up in an argument,
So you’re stuck feeling drained.
#7 They Discard You Like You Meant Nothing
Love is love, isn’t it?
It’s the best feeling in the world when it’s reciprocated. But surely, if you love somebody, you wouldn’t just drop them like a hot potato? You’d want it to last forever and a day, because, well, it’s love.
Nope.
Let’s rewind it there.
Love is love for you. It is not love for a narcissist, who, in their prime egotistical state, refuses to engage in such a vulnerable emotion.
To them, love is packed with risk and discomfort, and ultimately they don’t feel worthy of it.
They don’t want to hand themselves over to one person for the rest of their life at the chance that person will one day expose them and leave.
So they fake it. That’s the only explanation possible for a person who is so willing to discard at the drop of a hat.
It’s heartbreak for you, but it should also be a huge sign that you were never really loved, even when they told you that you were.
Don’t be shocked that a narcissist can lie like this – this is just the tip of the iceberg.
