I know you want it so badly, but the big question remains:
Will you ever get the truth out of the narcissist?
You might like to think so, and living in hope like that would be the exact reason why you can’t seem to let go of the narcissist who abused you.
It’s time to face reality, and realize that no matter how hard you try, these 7 reasons why you will never get the truth out of the narcissist will always stand.
And they will always be true.
#1 They’re never wrong
You know the narcissist is wrong, but the narcissist will deny this part of themselves.
You hear them speak of things that you know are lies, but you see the determination in their face to be right and never be questioned, and so you choose your peace over being right.
The narcissist knows this, and that’s why they act the way they do.
They know you know that arguing is on the cards if you want to play that game.
However, you’ve learned your lesson multiple times before, and drama leaves you feeling exhausted. So you choose to remain silent, and let them think they’re right.
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Imagine trying to get the truth out of somebody who practically bullies you into not confronting them.
#2 They have a reputation to uphold
The reputation of a narcissist is the one part of themselves they value the most.
They spend years building it, wishing nobody to cross them or question it. They want to appear perfect, and only good things must be spoken of them by everybody else.
The world must see them as helpful, charming, honest and compassionate. They have to be known as generous and skilled, as well as successful and approachable.
This is the kind of reputation that would mean the world to the average narcissist, so heaven help anybody who wants to get the truth out of them.
That would mean a black mark against that very reputation, which is never going to happen. They would sooner lie and uphold what they have, than be honest and risk losing it all.
#3 They refuse to look bad
Why should I look bad when somebody else can do it for me?
I’m not taking the blame when you can take it?
Me? Say that? I don’t think so.
It’s not possible for me to say anything hurtful, I’m not that guy.
Well, incorrect. Because we all know they are that guy.
A narcissist will refuse to look bad. It’s not even in their dictionary, and will do everything they can to sidestep being caught up in drama, as much as they actually love it.
It’s a little bit like pulling a grenade, throwing it, and hiding while pretending they have no idea what’s about to go off.
This is the attitude they carry with them wherever they go, and what makes it extremely difficult for anybody to blame them, or get the truth out of them.
You want to know who spoke unkindly about a mutual friend, but the narcissist shrugs and says they don’t know what you’re talking about.
You know they do. You know somewhere in this, they had something to do with it, and their refusal to talk confirms that for you.
Again – this leaves it impossible for them to speak the truth.
#4 Being vulnerable is a big no-no
For every truth you are searching for, there needs to be an element of exposure.
You can’t possibly be honest without something coming to the surface and needing to be discussed.
Admitting reality, even if you aren’t quite prepared for it, means admitting your flaws, and where you went wrong in it all. Yes, you made mistakes, and yes, that resulted in a weakness of some sort.
Imagine how dangerous that feels for a narcissist! Any kind of vulnerability threatens their image, which they don’t want to see swirl down the kitchen sink.
There is a lot of hard work that goes into maintaining it, which means they ultimately learn how to deflect and redirect lies elsewhere…
…Probably right where you’re standing.
Any truths that threaten them, immediately make them feel small. Let’s be fair, they will do anything to escape that.
#5 And have you take control? Never!
Wait, so you’re saying if you were to take control of the narrative, the narcissist will suddenly open up and admit where they’ve been going wrong all this time?
You want them to tell you where they’re really been?
You want to know why they hide their phone so often?
You come along and offer truths, or set boundaries. You decide that now is the time to make a difference, and you hope the narcissist finally gets to a point where they can talk about it honestly.
This is a proper challenge to a narcissist. Losing control is intolerable.
Expect to have information you’re seeking be hidden or withheld, or even twisted.
Not telling the truth keeps you from fully getting that control, and keeps you off balance rather nicely – for them at least.
#6 Denial!
Denial is a strong shield of any narcissist. They will use it to keep the truth from leaking out, and protect their ego.
It’s the most important thing to them, more important than a wife, a husband, a mother, a father, or a child.
Stop and think about that for a second. It’s absolutely crazy.
Narcissists can go to all kinds of lengths to deny reality and keep the truth from you.
In fact, they’re so good at doing this, they can easily convince themselves that something didn’t happen just so they don’t have to deal with the accompanying guilt.
Without any guilt, there;s no need for accountability, and without accountability, they don’t have to change.
That’s why nothing changes with a narcissist. Sad, but true.
#7 It leaves the gates wide open for what else was a lie
Trouble occurs when you catch a lie, because usually that signals a crack in foundations that you thought were solid. The crack means:
If they can lie about this, what else are they lying about?
If this was untrue, then what else will I find out in time?
The narcissist’s entire life and story start to flag up as potential lies, and the more you uncover, the more you realize you’ve been handed this false character whom you actually now know nothing about.
Narcissists want to keep that from happening, because you can’t close those gates.
One lie being known will allow you to question, and wonder. To keep that from happening, they will just keep lying to keep you quiet.
Among those lies will be breadcrumbs of love and affection to distract you from what’s really going on.
As long as the narcissist keeps a level of control, that’s all they really care about.
Their reputation means more to them than admitting dangerous information to you and anybody else.
It’s sad for you, because you probably wanted a relationship built on honesty and loyalty.
You’ll never get that with a narcissist.
